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Question
Hello,

I have been married to my husband for 4 years now. He was my first and so with him is the only exploration and things that I have received. We have tried a few kinkier type things before, but it doesn't seem to be his thing...except for when he is in control his dick gets absolutely rock hard and he gets off quicker but he still says that it didn't turn him on at all. He has also said that he is reluctant because he doesn't want to hurt me. I have told him that if he listens to a safeword or something like that he won't hurt me. I am wondering how to try to get him to do more to explore him being my Dom/master? I have found that I LOVE serving and want to serve him...he just isn't very Dom because he keeps holding back it seems...

Answer
Hi, Ryan --

Thanks for writing.

Rather than thinking about it as "pain," try explaining it as "intense sensations."  My partner and I came out with two books earlier this year that might help you. One is BDSM Mastery -- Basics and the other is BDSM Mastery -- Relationships.  They are specifically written to explain BDSM to someone with zero experience.  The Relationships book will explain how to start out in a D/s structure.  The third book we brought out this year is the basics book for Master/slave relationships.  You can see all three on www.KinkMastery.com  Those links take you to Amazon.

Beyond that, books that help people understand BDSM include: "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns" and "When Someone You Love is Kinky."

Hope this helps,

Bob

PS: good for you with "safewords."  

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Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob)

Expertise

Anything related to BDSM or Master/slave relationships or activities.

Experience

See: www.KinkMastery.com I live 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle and have since 2002 both as Master and slave. My Owner and I present and do "weekend intensives" internationally and at BDSM conferences practically every month.

Organizations
Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) National Leather Association - International (NLA-I) National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

Publications
+++ BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. +++ BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives +++ Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices +++ Master/slave Mastery--Advanced: Refining the fire; ideas that matter +++ Master/slave Mastery--Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship +++ Is THAT What They Meant? A book of practical communication insights

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. EdM, Boston University with specialty in urban education Presented 80+ BDSM weekend conferences worldwide since 2007.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
Not applicable.

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