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BDSM/Getting someone more interested in d/s m/s

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Question
I have been married to my husband for 4 years now. He was my first and so with him is the only exploration and things that I have received. We have tried a few kinkier type things before, but it doesn't seem to be his thing...except for when he is in control his dick gets absolutely rock hard and he gets off quicker but he still says that it didn't turn him on at all. He has also said that he is reluctant because he doesn't want to hurt me. I have told him that if he listens to a safeword or something like that he won't hurt me. I am wondering how to try to get him to do more to explore him being my Dom/master? I have found that I LOVE serving and want to serve him...he just isn't very Dom because he keeps holding back it seems...

Answer
Overcoming ones cultural and social training is sometimes the hardest thing to accomplish. There is the twinge in the back of their head telling them "This is so WRONG" even if "It feels so RIGHT". Overcoming this is something that will take time and counter conditioning. He will have to accept it does make him (like me) as hard as rock to be in control.  The easiest bit is probably getting him to take control. Leave some of the pain and suffering out of it for the time being.  There are two ways to approach this; (one) lead from the bottom... This can actually be destructive and undermine your goal because his actions will only be in response to your stimulus; nor stimulus no response. In the end it will effectively turn him in to a cuckold and destroy what ever dominance he may have. (two) become a dead fish... Male him take control by not being active. Let him discover his dominance by forcing you to move, act and do the thing he needs and wants to be satisfied. There is a risk with this as well, he may find you have become boring and try to find excitement elsewhere. To prevent this the moment he takes the least control respond. react and engage. But if he stops controlling slide back into the fish mode.  You will tell quickly if this is working because he will start taking control more and more.  Now you have to get him also to control outside the bedroom. He chose meals, he choose meals, etc. If you want him to control your wardrobe, wear frumby clothes, and don't put on makeup. He will soon tell you to dress up, jump to it with excitement, aski his opinions on what and how sexy or slutty he wants you to look. When you eat, eat the most basic and plain of foods. Have him choose the luxury items, easy enough to do if you grocery shop. You put the potatoes, carrots, basic meat cuts etc in the cart, have him put the frills in.  

Once you have gone through this stage you can come back and I can then help you awaken his kinky ide.  IF you want more help along the way just drop a line.

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Aramock Nanuck

Expertise

I will answer any questions concern the lifestyle and may annoy a few because I do dive into the history and psychology of this lifestyle in many of my answers. I have a partner a Femdom Mistress who shares my experiences and assets, as I hers. Also belonging to a couple groups in Europa and Asia. Traveling frequently between the continents. We tend to share information and discuss many of the topics frequently. I will focus on the core items around, training and relationship management for those that are interested.

Experience

I have been involved in the lifestyle since being introduced to it by my father at the age of 13. He was a master in the 50's to 80's but predated the popularity of Gor, and was Pharaonic in nature. I owned my own slaves since my early 20's. I have usually been part of a poly household. For about 6 years three of us ran a BDSM club in Prague until it was "acquired" by the Russian "businessmen". I do not hold any moral taboos about this lifestyle and at one time or another have experience or seen everything imaginable. It is in this absence of mrals that principles, protocols and personal honour must determine the worth of an individual. It is their clear and unwavering adherence to these ethics that make for stauncher things than those which some observance by mere lip service to common morals. When men/women of honour lead, then they do so without malice, without negativity and without thought of personal gain. It only then that they truly attain Dominon over others. Therefore in mastery comes a devotion to duty, and the existence, needs and desires of others that exceeds the submission mere slaves give to the Dominant. A Dominant one must lead, govern, educate and enrich the lives of subjects beign ruled... for otherwise they are but a sycophant and a tyrant. Hedonism and narcissism plays no part in this, it is an apparition that forms from acts done at much higher levels of meaning that mere morally bound persons can not see.

Organizations
I belong to a number of local clubs, and a loose association (not formal) of about 25 masters and mistresses here in Western Europe and Asia who share experiences, training and some exchange trade assets.

Publications
I have not published on BDSM under my name, but contribute frequently to forums. I am consolidating my writings slowly on DarkCastleSin.org for any that are interested in reading.

Education/Credentials
Not relevant although I do have a DCS and DT but I am not Christian so have no moral dilemmas with this lifestyle.

Awards and Honors
Not applicable here, come on in our lifestyle these do not exist but should. When was the last time we had public awards for Worlds Darkest Sadist, World's Most Gifted Shibaru Artist, Worlds Most Diligent Mentor, World's Most Gifted Enthusiast,

Past/Present Clients
Not relevant; private consults remain so.

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