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Question
I am a 25 year old man. I am a professional boxer and also a male submissive. Recently I began a relationship with a female dom for the first time in my life. I have had the desire to submit to a woman since I was a young boy and it felt a like a dream come true when I found my mistress. We both agreed at the beginning of the relationship that except for a list of activities that were a hard limit for me I would submit to her wishes in every other department.

Initially it was quite wonderful and her punishments were light and more playful. There were occasional spankings over her knee and cornertime but mostly it was gentle domination. But in recent months she has become more strict. She punishes me now for the slightest infraction and also indulges in more humiliating punishments. For example I am not allowed to wear anything below my waist when we are alone and I am blindfolded and my hands cuffed to my collar every night before we sleep. She also regularly uses ice cold enemas that I have to sometimes retain until I am about to burst and is currently talking about putting me in a chastity device. Although sometimes these punishments are fun it's becoming more difficult for me to submit to her. I am also finding it harder to reconcile my professional life where I have to be very dominant and aggressive and my personal life where I am nearly reduced to a status of a slave.

I always wanted to be submissive but I wanted a gentle mistress. My mistress says that if I am allowed to dictate what she can or cannot do to me then it is not her but me in control. I see her point but I wonder if there is a way to satisfy both of us. Please advice.

Answer
Rohan

She is correct, if you decide what she can or can not do that she is no longer in control.

Now with this being said, if she isnt willing to take into consideration what it is you need and or desire she might not be the person for you. Entering into a D/s relationship both parties need to discuss what it is they need and or want from the relationship. Once the agree on what each will be willing to consider hard, soft or push-able limits then they can agree one how they wish to move forward. If one decides to change what they need then it needs to be talked about and both people need to agree to this.

So if it was made clear you do not mind the play being a bit harder at times but knowing it is just in play then you need to let her know. If she is using the slightest infractions to push you past the point you are not comfy with well you need to speak up.

Doing things cause it is for her pleasure is one thing, but she needs to know it is pushing you towards areas you are not willing to go as of yet.. And you need to accept there may be a time you can or you may never be willing to go there.

So I would suggest you sit down with her, a time out so to speak and lay out everything you are having issues with and see if you can work them out. Come to an agreement on when she can push you for her own pleasures and when it is about you.. D/s is a relationship no matter how you look at it. If you are not getting your needs met, you will not want to remain in a relationship. So though it seems about her in the end it is her job to make sure you are getting just as much out of the relationship as she is. If not more really. If she meets the needs you have and makes you wanting to please her, then the things she wants to do will come easier for you no matter how humiliating or painful they may be. It is only a brief moment in time to endure the pleasures knowing in the end she is happy. So that is how you can come to agree on what is going to happen.

If she isnt willing to work on this you might just need to agree to disagree and move on. I am not sure where you are from but I can tell you there are sites and groups you can sign up for and or attend all over the world where you can meet others, and if need be find the female Dom who can and will give you what you deserve and desire with no issues.

Good Luck

Lady Aryana

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Lady Aryana

Expertise

Fem Dom relationships, Male Dom/fem slave, Master/slave relationships M/f, F/f, Long Distance relationships, Leather community, Victorian Lifestyle, BDSM play, Community support, Full time slavery and submission *living together, and how to adjust, protocols, and so forth. Web pages and site for help with finding others in your area. HOH or DD relationships. D/s has always been a part of me I am still active in looking for a relationship either D/s or Mistress/slave, or simply learning more in order to help others. I am always reading, either on the net or books.

Experience

I have been in long distance relationship that were D/s relationships. I have owned both male and female slaves/submissive, I have been both a real time slave, submissive, and submissive wife. I am not in a committed relationship at the moment. I just moved to Indina with in the last year. I can be found on Fetlife.com as LadyAryana. I am not collared, and I still am always on the look for others to play with around me. Slowing I am returning to being active in the community here in Indiana. In the past I have been active in the BDSM community and a DM for play parties. I have been active for the last 20+ yrs in BDSM in one way or another

Organizations
I was active in the GA community when I lived there. I am semi active in Indiana since moving here, I attend munches and demo's / play parties GRALE, Belong to PEP, and other BDSM clubs over the yrs.

Publications
Egroups, Blogs, Journals, And some story writings.

Education/Credentials
Have taken work shops for different BDSM events. Attended SELF given demo's, Been a DM for play parties and private and public clubs. Attending gathering of both D/s, Spanking lifestyles. I have been active in HOH and DD relationships. I was active in the leather community while living in GA. I was trained Victorian and and Gorean, I understand that training varies in each relationship so you adjust to what it is you do for the relationship you are in. I have trained both Master's and Mistress' along with slaves in the yrs I have been in BDSM.

Past/Present Clients
Master, slave, submissive, Tops, and Bottoms. Along with those who simply wanted to learn how to be kinky in the bedroom

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