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BDSM/I think im a slave (in the bedroom)

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Hi Natali

What Im about to ask will no doubt sound VERY tame to most on here, but I have been in a relationship (conventional) for 7 months now. My boyfriend and I are now living together.

When it comes to sex it was very apparent from the get go that he was in charge in the bedroom. Which I was very happy with. Things progressed slowly with regards to handcuffs (hes in enforcement so we have good ones) to spanking to choking to slapping and name calling. All of these things I really enjoy. Yesterday he brought out of storage a home made strap kit he had to explain to me how exactly to use it (all of this is very new to me) He's mentioned before his desires are "too much" for some women he says on his scale we are at about 2.5 with what we are doing. The "scale" goes up to 10...being that im new to this Im having trouble thinking what 10 could be. I will admit it makes me a little apprehensive although I know he wouldn't push it if I wasn't comfortable.

There are two things I want to ask regarding male dominance in the bedroom, he ALWAYS covers my eyes, I have never looked at him during sex, only when I masturbate with him watching, he says he always covers my eyes because it heightens my other senses is this common?
My other question is he NEVER kisses me during sex. I like him being in charge and the roughness but I love the idea of being passionately kissed too during it. Ive brought up both of these points to him, for both he has said "next time" next time has never arrived.

I guess I'd like your opinion on whether these things are typical in BDSM or just his own stuff?

Thanks in advance : )

Answer
Hello Linz,

I welcome any and all questions, no matter how tame :)

I'd like to first say, you should never be in a position in any relationship but especially a D/s one as you two are practicing without some verbal boundaries. Instead of not knowing what his idea of "going 10" is, just ask him to give you an idea of something that he would equate that to. If you feel uncomfortable with that BE UP FRONT and tell him you wouldn't want to do that as of now but you're glad you understand what his idea of going to 10 is.

Now, as for him covering your eyes ALL the time I find it odd. Usually when I cover a sub's eyes it's because it's their first time with me and I want to be able to watch how their body and face reacts when I do certain things. I want the complete package of using and watching them without them feeling embarrassed of focusing too much on what I am doing. Sometimes I include blindfolding in my play for various reasons but all the time seems very predictable and somewhat boring.

Eye contact during sex can be very intense and overwhelming for some. Maybe he's nervous, maybe he makes funny faces, maybe HE loses concentration if he looks in your eyes. If you want to switch it up you can ask to remove it or start without and see what he says. Personally I wouldn't want to have or have to blindfold someone each time I engaged with them sexually.

Kissing during sex is equally intense for some during sex. I know some people believe that kissing is a sign of intimacy and it means their engagement is more than just sex at the time.

He definitely sounds like he is detaching himself from you during your sexual encounters, the question is if he's doing it because he is emotionally distant and it's reflected in his actions or if he thinks this is what good dominant men are suppose to do. Either way I'd sit down and discuss this without attacking him but still letting him know how his actions are affecting you emotionally.

Good luck!

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Natali Noir

Expertise

I can answer questions related to Mistresses/Dommes and their relationships with subs and slaves. I can answer questions about different fetishes, give advice, explain BDSM and dungeon etiquette or just explain overall BDSM practices and protocols as I've learned. I can also help with creative ideas related to kinky scenes, role-plays, punishments, or rewards.

Experience

I've been into BDSM for about 10 years and I've a Mistress for 8 years and have had my fair share of subs and slaves. I have experience with what it's like to be on both sides of the paddle.

Organizations
I'm part of the local TNG and Black Rose, and several FemDom groups. I also frequent the BDSM clubs and parties in the surrounding areas.

Publications
www.mundanetoms.blogspot.com

Education/Credentials
I have no educational credentials in this area, only years of firsthand experience and knowledge gained through reading, workshops, and listening to ideas from other individuals I deem more experienced in certain BDSM areas.

Awards and Honors
I write my own blog.

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