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Question
i am being collared this weekend. i am very excited about this but also very nervous.  i am confused on the differenct stages of collars.  and what do they mean??   also i have read that being collared is almost as important as being married.

help

Answer
Hi Anne - I apologize for the delay in answering, fortunately Ask knows when to send reminders about pending unabswered questions. :)

Stages of collaring: Some stages may be:(example dialog is from the Master's perspective)

Consideration - "Let's see how this works out for us. If it doesn't we can still be friends and play."

Training - "I'm going to invest my time and energy into getting you to meet my standards. If it doesn't work out that means I misjudged you. I'll be disappointed in both you and myself." OR "This is my training contract and you agree to ... for a period of ... At the end of your contract with me I will release you."

Permanent - "I have come to know you and you have earned my trust and I offer you my collar. This collar is a sign of my faith in you and my loyalty to you. In accepting this collar I expect nothing less than your unconditional loyalty and obdience."

HOWEVER - a collar means exactly what the Master means. In an Erotic Authority Relationship a collar can be for a night or a weekend and in wearing it the slave feels the calling to obedience while the Master feels the energy of receiving this obdience. Very hot, very erotic.

A training collar is, well, work. For both. Read Miss Aberathy's slave Training Guide. Not fun, work.

Permanent - this should be a lifetime committment. For me, marriage is a legal condition which we entered into for practical reasons. Every morning I put my slaves collar on her, every morning we recommit, rededicated ourselves to each other. Wedding vows are forgotten, quickly; meaningless. The collar is our committment, each morning, for her to serve me and for me to serve our relationship. I know M/s relationship where this collar took 5 or 6 years to earn. For me, it was over 2.

I hope this helps.

But, I have a feeling that if your Master to be has not been able to have a mutual understanding with you then perhaps they are not yet ready to be a Master. If they are unsure of the meaning to themselves, ubsure about the degree of honesty, integrity, and trust a collar signifies, then perhaps it is time to pause for a bit, to assess what this means to you both. To talk, as adults, about the meaning of this symbol to each of you; what will be given, what will be taken, where will this step lead.

To engage properly in any Authority Based Relationship, absolute honesty, on both sides, is needed if the relationship is to survive.

Followups welcome :)

Regards Brian  

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BrianR

Expertise

I will answer questions related to long term Master/slave relationships.

Experience

We have been married since 2007, and I collared her on November 1, 2008. My slave and I are married, monogamous, and committed to each other. My relationship with my slave is based on mutual love, respect, and frankly fun. Race Bannon has said "if you are not having fun then you are doing it wrong." We are having lots of fun so we must be doing something right! My slave is an intelligent (BS in Mathematics actually), and strong women who chooses to put her power into my service and, perhaps seemingly paradoxically as she is my submissive, my equal. She is my slave, my wife, my best friend, and my only lover. I respect her for her ability to submit and truly believe that it takes more strength to submit then to dominate. She follows, but not blindly.

Organizations
Masters and Slaves Together - Marysville (Washington) (founding director) MAsT International - Assistant Northwest Regional Representative 2015, Regional Representtive 2016 BDSM Writers Workshop (April 2016) http://bdsmwriterscon.com/

Publications
My essays are on Fetlife under BrianR (https://fetlife.com/users/9389/posts)

Education/Credentials
Engineer (however this probably should be under the category "barriers your slave has overcome")

Awards and Honors
With my lovely slave we were Northwest Master and slave 2013

Past/Present Clients
With my slave I have presented at national and international events since 2013. While we enjoy presenting at national events, we find more satisfaction in talking with small groups from Boise ID to Singapore and Hong Kong. Our list of classes is available at

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