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Question
Submissive in need of advice, please help

I have a master he's 25.  I'm his kitten i'm 21. it's a long distance relationship. He has rules for me. rule#1 I must show extremely crazy, obsessive behavior over my master at all times. It's been an on going relationship for 4 months. But lately he does this thing where he goes on for a week without replying to me and when he does check in with me. its very little time. He has done this for the last month and a half. He loves the overly attached, clingyness. But his actions are odd, i dont understand why he is being so distant with me if im giving him the obsessive behavior constantly keeping in touch, sending him nudes as he pleases. everything master ask for i do, if i mess up i apologize and reassure him i'm doing my best to please him. He works construction , so i understand where most of his time goes. but he goes on for a really long time without returning my calls or texts.  He blocked me off his social media and left me to overthink and wonder what i did wrong to deserve that kind of punishment. He responded a week and some change later saying he was testing to see how attentive i am to him. Said he was trying to see if i would just flip out and leave and i didnt. Things were good. He informed me he was happy I stayed. It's been 2 months since i last had a phone call with him. I addressed the issue to him numerous times, explaining how I feel about this lack of communication but he hasn't came through for me yet. It's been 2 weeks since i last had a text from him and today is the 1st day  i do not attempt any communication. i feel depressed and very hurt. i'm doing exactly what master wants to please him but he isnt communicating with me like he should. i fear that i will upset him for not attempting to contact him today. But i dont know what to do? what should i do in this situation?

Answer
Hi Liz - thank you for the question.

Umm - simple answer, he is important in your life, you are not important in his. Sorry if that seems a bit harsh, and I know you really would like to protect him (this is how submissive are :) ) but...

Lets start with your behavior. You do everything he wants, and he gives you, at first, his time and attention, then increasingly less, finally very little. YOU are not doing anything wrong; he's loosing interest. You're doing everything right, give him lots of attentions, show off for him, and yes, he looses interest. You are not real to him. You are a fantasy, someone he masturbates to, someone he shares with his friends "Hey look what I got this crazy chick to do now."  I've seen guys do that, use the person at the other end. And it is using, it is also abusive.

Let's turn this around and look at it from your side - and yes you do have a right to be selfish! We do what we do because we get something out of it. What we do should make us happy, content, fulfilled. You do what he wants, and you are happy because you believe it makes him happy. But what do you really get out of this? He has bragging rights to his friends and you get - silence. You are doing this because it fills a need within you; not to feel lonely and abandoned.

Have you ever met? Is there any intention of ever meeting? If you shut him out right now what could he do? What would he do? What is he doing?  You have so much to give, but as a young man he only knows how to take, not how to give. I know, been there, done that, still ashamed of my behavior.

Long distance relationships are - hard. I started talking to my future slave (and wife) seven months before we met. But we did met, in person, had a wonderful time, in that three weeks we fell deeply in love and began a committed relationship. Life forced us into a long distance relationship. We would go six months without touching, loving, each other. But every time we parted I had the next date on our calendar. It was long distance for a purpose.

If there is never any intention of making a long distance relationship physical - where is it going to go? Eventually one or the other will loose interest, wander away, become sorry, come back, and then wonder away again.

So my answer to you would be "So what if you piss him off?"  He's doing nothing for you except making you anxious. That is not what a relationship, any relationship, should be. You have not only a right but an obligation to your own happiness. And if you are not happy, not fulfilled, then you have the obligation to yourself, to walk away and find another. You have the obligation to be responsible for yourself. Just because you choose to be a submissive does not make you a doormat. He only has the power over you that you choose to give to him. Take your power back, learn from this, choose better next time.

He's not the only guy in the world, toss him back and look for another.

Please to keep in touch, let me know how I can support you. If you are on Fetlife please drop by and say Hi.

Regards
BrianR

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BrianR

Expertise

I will answer questions related to long term Master/slave relationships.

Experience

We have been married since 2007, and I collared her on November 1, 2008. My slave and I are married, monogamous, and committed to each other. My relationship with my slave is based on mutual love, respect, and frankly fun. Race Bannon has said "if you are not having fun then you are doing it wrong." We are having lots of fun so we must be doing something right! My slave is an intelligent (BS in Mathematics actually), and strong women who chooses to put her power into my service and, perhaps seemingly paradoxically as she is my submissive, my equal. She is my slave, my wife, my best friend, and my only lover. I respect her for her ability to submit and truly believe that it takes more strength to submit then to dominate. She follows, but not blindly.

Organizations
Masters and Slaves Together - Marysville (Washington) (founding director) MAsT International - Assistant Northwest Regional Representative 2015, Regional Representtive 2016 BDSM Writers Workshop (April 2016) http://bdsmwriterscon.com/

Publications
My essays are on Fetlife under BrianR (https://fetlife.com/users/9389/posts)

Education/Credentials
Engineer (however this probably should be under the category "barriers your slave has overcome")

Awards and Honors
With my lovely slave we were Northwest Master and slave 2013

Past/Present Clients
With my slave I have presented at national and international events since 2013. While we enjoy presenting at national events, we find more satisfaction in talking with small groups from Boise ID to Singapore and Hong Kong. Our list of classes is available at

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