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Question
I'm 18 and recently my bf has decided to join the bdsm community, we are talking about starting a agreement for me to be his sub, but I don't wanna loose what we have had since this is so new to me. How will things change, and he's even talking about having other subs but since I'm new to all this it hurts me because it feels like I'm not special and that he's cheating on me. I need advice

Answer
Becca,

Changing in any relationship can be hard, but at the same time it can end up doing you both a favor.. Although until you are ready you need to be able to talk to him about what you are feeling..

First I would suggest you sign up for fetlife.com, and join groups which are targeted to your kind of relationship. One being new, and two being what is called poly. I would also suggest you have your boyfriend sign up as well, so he gets a better understanding of what he thinks he is entering into.

Two I would talk with him and ask him why he would like other submissives? Is it cause he wants to do things and doesnt want you to be on the receiving end of these things, or doesn't think you can or will be able to do them? Find out his reasons and then talk about them. If he is worried you won't be willing or able to do them, and you think you would like to try then he might just find he doesn't need another sub in order to fill your place..

Although know that if you think you can not do something he is simply making it where you know what is going on and know he cares enough about you not to push you into doing things you aren't able to.

Cheating is when he is going behind your back with you not knowing about it and doing things you have not agreed on. If you know what is happening you can even as a sub say you would like X Y and Z not to happen with this submissive or you want to be there when and if he plays with her. You are giving him the ability to do the things he wants while still being part of his life.

Poly is a hard relationship but really not any harder then a non poly relationship. The difference is normally when someone takes on another partner this other partner is doing things the first *or second* can not or will not do.. Be it say going hunting to a sports game, or play video games. No two couples have everything in common, and not all Poly relationships are sexual. I know people who are not poly yet they play with others in a BDSM setting yet when it the scene is over and done with they go home to their primary partner and then they will have sex with them.

So again you need to talk to him and ask what kind of relationship he is seeking with these other subs, and what is it he will be doing with them that you aren't able to fill.. Once you understand why he wants another you will be able to figure out what it is you can or can not handle.

Other than fetlife, I would suggest you and your BF both pick up the following books and read, this way you can ask more direct questions when you find yourself around others who are experienced and willing to help.

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame and Gloria Brame

Training With Miss Abernathy: A Workbook for Erotic Slaves and Their Owners by Christina Abernathy

Flogging: The Basics and Beyond (SMTech Educational) by Joseph W. Bean

The Compleat Slave: Creating And Living An Erotic Dominant/submissive Lifestyle by Jack Rinella and Joseph W. Bean

There is a Master's book to this one, called The Compleat Master I would suggest reading both.

The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy

Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual by Christina Abernathy

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame and Gloria Brame

How to be Kinky: A Beginner's Guide to BDSM by Morpheous

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

The Loving Dominant by John Warren and Libby Warren

You both would be able to learn alot if you both found a mentor in the community whom you can turn to and talk with when you find yourself asking what is happening and how to deal with it. Since you are both so young you have alot to learn about not just the lifestyle but the community as well, and there are those around you if you know where to look who would be willing to help. Once you sign up for fetlife just to a search for where you live and you will find other members in your area. You will also find there are munches, demo's and parties where you can get to know others personally and want how things are done and learn from that.. You might also find out what you want to try that you never thought about before.

Just remember, communication is the key to any relationship, but even more so when it comes to a D/s relationship.. You have to be willing and ABLE to talk with your Dom/BF as he has to be willing to explain everything to you until you learn about yourself and the lifestyle.. Once you find your place and he has found what it is he is seeking in the end you will see a change *hopefully for the better* in your relationship with him and you will be able to meet the needs he wants, as he is able to meet yours.

Good Luck

Lady Aryana

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Lady Aryana

Expertise

Fem Dom relationships, Male Dom/fem slave, Master/slave relationships M/f, F/f, Long Distance relationships, Leather community, Victorian Lifestyle, BDSM play, Community support, Full time slavery and submission *living together, and how to adjust, protocols, and so forth. Web pages and site for help with finding others in your area. HOH or DD relationships. D/s has always been a part of me I am still active in looking for a relationship either D/s or Mistress/slave, or simply learning more in order to help others. I am always reading, either on the net or books.

Experience

I have been in long distance relationship that were D/s relationships. I have owned both male and female slaves/submissive, I have been both a real time slave, submissive, and submissive wife. I am not in a committed relationship at the moment. I just moved to Indina with in the last year. I can be found on Fetlife.com as LadyAryana. I am not collared, and I still am always on the look for others to play with around me. Slowing I am returning to being active in the community here in Indiana. In the past I have been active in the BDSM community and a DM for play parties. I have been active for the last 20+ yrs in BDSM in one way or another

Organizations
I was active in the GA community when I lived there. I am semi active in Indiana since moving here, I attend munches and demo's / play parties GRALE, Belong to PEP, and other BDSM clubs over the yrs.

Publications
Egroups, Blogs, Journals, And some story writings.

Education/Credentials
Have taken work shops for different BDSM events. Attended SELF given demo's, Been a DM for play parties and private and public clubs. Attending gathering of both D/s, Spanking lifestyles. I have been active in HOH and DD relationships. I was active in the leather community while living in GA. I was trained Victorian and and Gorean, I understand that training varies in each relationship so you adjust to what it is you do for the relationship you are in. I have trained both Master's and Mistress' along with slaves in the yrs I have been in BDSM.

Past/Present Clients
Master, slave, submissive, Tops, and Bottoms. Along with those who simply wanted to learn how to be kinky in the bedroom

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