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Question
Hi,
I met a man I have been dating for about 7 weeks now and have played being the sub/dom in the bedroom. We are talking about moving into a relationship that I would be the slave.
This would be an exclusive relationship with the exception of " playing " with other subs.
I would like to know what kinds of things I should know before I sit down with him to come to our agreement.
I know everyone is different and all agreements are strictly based on each couple but would like to know if there are any guidelines.
Thanks so much!

Answer
Karen -

The first thing is to understand what each of you mean by a Master/slave relationship - and if your definitions, needs and desires are compatible..

As you observed, each relationship is different.  I suggest looking at time, space and dimension:

Time:  Is the power dynamic a constant, or does it apply only at certain times?
Space:  Is it only at home? in the bedroom? at the dungeon? or every place you are?
Dimension: Does his authority apply to all things?  Kids? family? work? finances?

There are no right answers to these questions, but there are answers that are right for each of you.

Other issues to consider and discuss:

What types and levels of service do you want to provide (if any) and does he value and want those services?

What is his style of decision making and does that work for you?

What do you need from a Master?

What does he need from a slave?

What do each of you mean by "playing" with other subs - and do you mean the same thing?

What are each of your communication needs and styles?

There are several chapters of Masters and slaves Together (MAsT) in Pennsylvania.  This is a support organization for those in, or wanting to explore, M/s relationships.  I would encourage you to find one near you.  You might also want to attend the Master slave Conference, which is held in Rockville Maryland over the Labor Day weekend (registration closes August 30).

You are wise to take time to discuss what you both need.  

All the best,

Master Ben

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Ben Martin

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Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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