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BDSM/submissive training and expectations

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Question
Hello,
I am wondering if there are any templates/samples for submissive training and expectations. I understand that there is not a one size fits all for this but I am looking for a little guidance.  I am looking for a set of rules for my submissive to follow but all I seem to find are generic (be honest, communicate, etc.).  
Thank you

Answer
Don -

There are templates -- things like the 128 slave rules -- but I strongly encourage you to avoid them.

The reason you don't find much is that each of us are different, and what is interesting or important to one person is boring and a chore to another.  If you try and create and enforce rules that you don't care about, both of you will become frustrated.

So what to do?

First decide what, in a very general sense, you want out of a relationship with a submissive?  Is it kinky sex, service (domestic, auto maintenance, vacation planning, whatever), obedience?  Once you know the broad category -- and she agrees that's something she is interested in -- then take some time and be mindful of when and how she could be mindful and/or obedient.

Example one:  you desperately need coffee in the morning.  Show her how you like your coffee prepared and presented, then make that one of her service responsibilities.

Example two:  obedience in your thing, so you choose and order her meals when you're out to dinner

Example three:  you want to guide her in good financial management, so you have her check with you and get permission before purchasing anything over a certain amount.

Be aware that it has to be something you are genuinely interested in and willing to invest the time.  For instance, you might find the idea of picking out her clothes every day really hot -- but get bored with the exercise after a week of two.  Don't dispair!  There are alternatives -- you could go through her closet with her and tell her which things you like; you could give her a broad directive (always wear a skirt, or never wear green), or you could have her bring you three options each morning to choose from.  But also be mindful of the consequences -- you don't want to make her wear something impractical or inappropriate -- and have her fired from her job.

I hope that helps give you a place to start from.  My last suggestion is to find and participate in your local community.  Seeing how others organize and run their relationship can be a wonderful idea-generator of what you do, or don't, want to try.

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Ben Martin

Expertise

Questions related to power-based relationships in which decision-making authority is intentionally and consensually transferred -- and the resulting imbalance celebrated. I am able to assist those trying to understand where they fit in, and those seeking to structure and thrive in a power based relationships. Specific topics I am able to discuss include: setting and achieving personal and relationship goals, responsible Mastery, the use of protocols and rituals, communication techniques, and conflict resolution. In addition, I am knowledgable and experienced in polyamory, long-distance relationships, bisexuality and a variety of kinky activities ranging from mind games to sadistic play.

Experience

I have chosen to have a power-based structure in my relationships over the past 18 years. This has included a 16-year M/s relationship, several shorter term D/s relationships and various play partners. I am an active participant in various online forums and seek to provide support and advice to those interested in the Lifestyle.

Organizations
Black Rose

Publications
My writings, insights and discussion contributions are available on Alt.com and FetLife.com. On both websites, my user name is BenMartin

Education/Credentials
I do not hold any credentials specific to BDSM, relying instead on knowledge gained from life experiences, reading and conversing with others in the Lifestyle.

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