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hi..this is different, but lately i have met online a 20 year old female who is out of state. found her on a bdsm site; she wants to leave the state (has family issues) and come here to live with us (my girlfriend and i) and she has a great interest is us being her 'parents' and i am wondering if you may have any advice on what to do or not do. for instance, what would be some things to say or do on the first day she is here? thanks!!

Answer
James:

I guess my question is if you are entering in to a BDSM or sexual or both relationship.  If none of these, then it is likely you are being targeted for other purposes and usually financial.  If however you are answering my question as one or the other or both it changes this risk to an opportunity.  I know that taking the financial responsibility is the duty of an owner, or parent.  Family issues need to be probed into, inevitably they have lingering scars which affect the psyche of the individual and can result in trust issues.

I guess regardless of what you do or how your relationships progresses it needs to start with a strong basis.  Set the ground rules up front, decide on those things which you view as totally unacceptable... and ensure she agrees with them. Reciprocate, make sure you can live with any thin that she makes unacceptable.  Then go to the other extreme and define those things that are a mandatory part of the relationship, or daily life. And make it clear it is agreed by all parties. This is where "CONTRACT" can help, while they are large unenforceable they certain set an agreement of concepts, understanding and the terms of reference for a relationship to begin; and how they will end.  "Common understandings" still become contributory factors and clear definition of intentions even in the eye of the law is specific sections are unenforceable.

I think day 1 is a slow day, it should allow for you to discover each other, review the agreement, and establish the basis for other days going ahead. Certainly discuss any rituals or reoccurring activities that are scheduled there after.

I think specific secondary activities will largely be based on the type of relationship you are entering into, and the aspects of the lifestyle you are going to make a part of this relationship.

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Aramock Nanuck

Expertise

I will answer any questions concern the lifestyle and may annoy a few because I do dive into the history and psychology of this lifestyle in many of my answers. I have a partner a Femdom Mistress who shares my experiences and assets, as I hers. Also belonging to a couple groups in Europa and Asia. Traveling frequently between the continents. We tend to share information and discuss many of the topics frequently. I will focus on the core items around, training and relationship management for those that are interested.

Experience

I have been involved in the lifestyle since being introduced to it by my father at the age of 13. He was a master in the 50's to 80's but predated the popularity of Gor, and was Pharaonic in nature. I owned my own slaves since my early 20's. I have usually been part of a poly household. For about 6 years three of us ran a BDSM club in Prague until it was "acquired" by the Russian "businessmen". I do not hold any moral taboos about this lifestyle and at one time or another have experience or seen everything imaginable. It is in this absence of mrals that principles, protocols and personal honour must determine the worth of an individual. It is their clear and unwavering adherence to these ethics that make for stauncher things than those which some observance by mere lip service to common morals. When men/women of honour lead, then they do so without malice, without negativity and without thought of personal gain. It only then that they truly attain Dominon over others. Therefore in mastery comes a devotion to duty, and the existence, needs and desires of others that exceeds the submission mere slaves give to the Dominant. A Dominant one must lead, govern, educate and enrich the lives of subjects beign ruled... for otherwise they are but a sycophant and a tyrant. Hedonism and narcissism plays no part in this, it is an apparition that forms from acts done at much higher levels of meaning that mere morally bound persons can not see.

Organizations
I belong to a number of local clubs, and a loose association (not formal) of about 25 masters and mistresses here in Western Europe and Asia who share experiences, training and some exchange trade assets.

Publications
I have not published on BDSM under my name, but contribute frequently to forums. I am consolidating my writings slowly on DarkCastleSin.org for any that are interested in reading.

Education/Credentials
Not relevant although I do have a DCS and DT but I am not Christian so have no moral dilemmas with this lifestyle.

Awards and Honors
Not applicable here, come on in our lifestyle these do not exist but should. When was the last time we had public awards for Worlds Darkest Sadist, World's Most Gifted Shibaru Artist, Worlds Most Diligent Mentor, World's Most Gifted Enthusiast,

Past/Present Clients
Not relevant; private consults remain so.

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