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BDSM/Sub/sub relationship?

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Hey! Thanks for taking the time to read and answer this.
I recently started dating this guy and once we started sleeping together it was apparent that we're both submissive people. I'm not totally immersed in BDSM culture--I've only been in a long term Master/slave relationship twice, and one was long distance--and I kind of mentally separate relationships I've had into ones with 'vanilla' sex and ones where we always had a D/s relationship in the bedroom. So far we haven't engaged in any dominant/submissive play and the sex is physically satisfying but I can tell neither of us are getting that emotional (?) need filled. He's really into fem Dom stuff and i know I can't provide that for him. I guess I'm asking for any advice you have on if we can have a fulfilling sexual relationship and how to go about this. I assume we'll both have to learn to be switches, but do you think that'll feel disgenuine if he knows I have no desire to be dominant ? I feel really out of my depth here since in the past my partners have come up with the rules and all I had to do was agree or disagree. I really don't want to end up with a sexual relationship where we just ignore this and have boring (to us) sex, especially since we've talked about it and know how much better it is when these needs are getting met.
Ah sorry for the long rambling question! Had a hard time putting this into words. I'm new to a lot of this and would appreciate any help. Thank you so so much for your time!
Much gratitude,
Joy

Answer
joy

There was an option you did not consider. Obviously neither of you are going to do well as dominant roles, and since both of you are looking for it, then possible you need to add another person to your relationship. The part that you had not considered is if either or both of you are bi-sexual. If so then this is easily fixed, merely find and add the third (or more) person to the relationship whom is bi-sexual and dominant at the same time. This probably would be fairly easy to find.

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Aramock Nanuck

Expertise

I will answer any questions concern the lifestyle and may annoy a few because I do dive into the history and psychology of this lifestyle in many of my answers. I have a partner a Femdom Mistress who shares my experiences and assets, as I hers. Also belonging to a couple groups in Europa and Asia. Traveling frequently between the continents. We tend to share information and discuss many of the topics frequently. I will focus on the core items around, training and relationship management for those that are interested.

Experience

I have been involved in the lifestyle since being introduced to it by my father at the age of 13. He was a master in the 50's to 80's but predated the popularity of Gor, and was Pharaonic in nature. I owned my own slaves since my early 20's. I have usually been part of a poly household. For about 6 years three of us ran a BDSM club in Prague until it was "acquired" by the Russian "businessmen". I do not hold any moral taboos about this lifestyle and at one time or another have experience or seen everything imaginable. It is in this absence of mrals that principles, protocols and personal honour must determine the worth of an individual. It is their clear and unwavering adherence to these ethics that make for stauncher things than those which some observance by mere lip service to common morals. When men/women of honour lead, then they do so without malice, without negativity and without thought of personal gain. It only then that they truly attain Dominon over others. Therefore in mastery comes a devotion to duty, and the existence, needs and desires of others that exceeds the submission mere slaves give to the Dominant. A Dominant one must lead, govern, educate and enrich the lives of subjects beign ruled... for otherwise they are but a sycophant and a tyrant. Hedonism and narcissism plays no part in this, it is an apparition that forms from acts done at much higher levels of meaning that mere morally bound persons can not see.

Organizations
I belong to a number of local clubs, and a loose association (not formal) of about 25 masters and mistresses here in Western Europe and Asia who share experiences, training and some exchange trade assets.

Publications
I have not published on BDSM under my name, but contribute frequently to forums. I am consolidating my writings slowly on DarkCastleSin.org for any that are interested in reading.

Education/Credentials
Not relevant although I do have a DCS and DT but I am not Christian so have no moral dilemmas with this lifestyle.

Awards and Honors
Not applicable here, come on in our lifestyle these do not exist but should. When was the last time we had public awards for Worlds Darkest Sadist, World's Most Gifted Shibaru Artist, Worlds Most Diligent Mentor, World's Most Gifted Enthusiast,

Past/Present Clients
Not relevant; private consults remain so.

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