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BDSM/BDSM Bedroom Trouble

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Question
I really couldn't think of a better title. I'll try and get right to it, my fiance and I are experiencing trouble in regards to BDSM. In short hand I'm wondering if BDSM is possible without a clear dominant and submissive?

See my fiance is submissive, but personal freedom, and equality is very, personal to her. She's also got control issues, not to a point of where it causes every day problems.

Well this causes a problem because it means she wants to be submissive, but any words/terms implying ownership are off limits. There is no dominant/submissive, owner/pet, master/slave.

As for her control tendencies they tend to happen erratically. It's not that she wants constant control, it's more like she'll be submissive for a while, and then suddenly it's like she hates it, and just want vanilla sex.

You can probably imagine this creates quite the mood-breaker for me.

I know this may not explain so much, but really I'm just looking for advice. Also I want to point out that aside from the bedroom problems, we get along near, perfectly.

Can you please give some advice?

Answer
Hello Alex,

My name is Daddie Mollie and I am going to be trying to help you with your situation.  

It sounds like your fiance may be a switch, or have switch tendencies.  A switch is one that can play both Dominant and submissive roles.  

I would say to put the reigns in her hands for a while.  If she is a switch and all you are is putting her in a submissive role, she is not going to feel fully satisfied until she gets some of the control that she'd like to have come into being.

This lifestyle is meant to be fun...  That being said, along with that fun comes hard times too.  Relationships always have their ups and downs.  Certain things where you two may not always agree.  

Try to be open minded and try to understand.  Terms like Master/slave or Owner/pet may throw her, because it may very well be likely that she is a switch.  Switches have a tendency to have the mindset, "I'm a Dominant in my own right and deserve respect."

That type of mindset can reek havoc with your emotions.  Specially if she doesn't realize what it is she is feeling.  And if she can't figure out what she is feeling, how can she communicate it to you?  

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Daddie Mollie

Expertise

I can answer questions pertaining to protocol, Safe, Sane and Consensual, scening, subspace, and sub drop, as well as Dom space, and Dom drop, Whips, Canes, Paddles, Floggers, various Fetishes, Humiliation, and Feminisation. Interrelational Dynamics, Knife Play, Fire Play, and I'm getting more and more into extremes.

Experience

I have had classes in Flogging, Fire Play, and Knife play. I also have experience in Drowning scenes. I have also had a class in being a Dungeon Monitor. I have been to Dungeons and to several play parties. I go to one of the Munches in our area and seen many types of plays.

Organizations
Dungeon Monitors Association.

Publications
I have placed in the alt magazine, as well as in My 360 page on yahoo an Erotic Story that I have written.

Education/Credentials
Classes in Flogging, Knife Play, Fire Play, and Dungeon Monitors.

Awards and Honors
I am currently awaiting my pin, and certificate for completing my Dungeon Monitor Class

Past/Present Clients
I have at this time two slaves. I have had my primary since April 17, 2006 and my 2nd boy since March 09, 2009

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