You are here:

BDSM/Looking for a master

Advertisement


Question
Hey my names Shambria and I am a 19 year old girl and I hadn't had any luck finding a master. I've tried searching the web but I can't find any sites where I can find a master that is to my liking and that I can trust. Do you recommend any sites or any advise on finding a master?

Answer
Hi Shambria!

Thanks for asking a question which will stretch my thinking a bit.

Permit me to ask - "What do you mean by slave?" You need to have this clear in your head before you actually start looking because what you what will determine where you look.

Things to consider: 24/7, part time, or on-line? and if on-line, any physical connection or not?

How much control do you want to give up? For example a slave may have a need to be controlled "in all things". For example, you may agree that you need your Masters permission to pee. Every time. and if you can't reach your Master, they may require that you not pee until you get in contact with them. This is an example of a "micro-managed M/s" relationship. With me, and most that I know, doing this 24/7 wouldn't work at all, too much work.

Do you desire a Master who removes all choices from you or which provides strictness in one area (for example sex) but not in another (how you spend the money you earn)?

Is your desire to be of service, fill a need that your Master has in their life? For example one slave that I am familiar with is their Master's account - that is their service.

Or is your desire a bit darker. Those desires which come to us late at night, when our imagination takes control and our senses are heightened by the desires which pour though us? These desires would be not to be of service but to be used.

These are all forms of M/s relationships but also they can be very different, and serve different needs.

Have you discovered Fetlife (https://fetlife.com)? This site is a social media site for kinky people.

A resource which you might want to track down would be "Dominance and submission, the BDSM Relationship Handbook" by George Makai (http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18584291-domination-submission). This book would help you decide what it is you are looking.

A bit of advice however. At your age and in-experience you are "fresh meat" and ripe for taking. When we talk about any form of BDSM the principle rule is "informed and willing consent". This means that you may consider yourself a slave or submissive, but you are not THEIR slave or submissive until you agree to it. Until you give your consent, you are your own person; and even when you do give consent you still have a Prime Directive to be responsible for your own well being. Anyone who tries to talk you out of that is, I think, leading you down a path to abuse. There are lots and lots of very nice people in the BDSM community, but there are also predictors looking for people like you. You say "... to my liking and that I can trust." Good! Keep those standards. If a potential "master" says "Well, if you were a real slave ..." please run, don't walk. That is the opening line of someone who is leading you into an emotionally abuse relationship. (OK, you see I am also a Daddy as well as Master to my slave. This means that I guide as well as lead, so end of Daddy speech :)

Be well, you can ask additional questions if you would care to and I can also be reached on Fetlife as BrianR.

Be well, and please do watch out for yourself
Brian

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


BrianR

Expertise

I will answer questions related to long term Master/slave relationships.

Experience

We have been married since 2007, and I collared her on November 1, 2008. My slave and I are married, monogamous, and committed to each other. My relationship with my slave is based on mutual love, respect, and frankly fun. Race Bannon has said "if you are not having fun then you are doing it wrong." We are having lots of fun so we must be doing something right! My slave is an intelligent (BS in Mathematics actually), and strong women who chooses to put her power into my service and, perhaps seemingly paradoxically as she is my submissive, my equal. She is my slave, my wife, my best friend, and my only lover. I respect her for her ability to submit and truly believe that it takes more strength to submit then to dominate. She follows, but not blindly.

Organizations
Masters and Slaves Together - Marysville (Washington) (founding director) MAsT International - Assistant Northwest Regional Representative 2015, Regional Representtive 2016 BDSM Writers Workshop (April 2016) http://bdsmwriterscon.com/

Publications
My essays are on Fetlife under BrianR (https://fetlife.com/users/9389/posts)

Education/Credentials
Engineer (however this probably should be under the category "barriers your slave has overcome")

Awards and Honors
With my lovely slave we were Northwest Master and slave 2013

Past/Present Clients
With my slave I have presented at national and international events since 2013. While we enjoy presenting at national events, we find more satisfaction in talking with small groups from Boise ID to Singapore and Hong Kong. Our list of classes is available at

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.