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Hi, My submissive and I have been in a happy and healthy D/s relationship now for 3 years. She is normally very obedient and open to many new ideas. She also has very few limits and together our play sessions are becoming more adventurous and extreme.

Our problem currently is that our play sessions are just that. We have good sessions sometimes lasting two or three hours. However, once we are finished it tends to be over and the dynamic returns more to that of a vanilla couple.

We have talked and shared fantasies about extending our sessions to include scenarios like having her remain in bondage over night, wear her butt plug all day and/or all night, sleep in her bondage hood or remain bound on all fours while I go about my evening (returning to use her as and when I see fit). I will add at this point that we are both usually horny in the morning type people and the knowledge that she has remained in a situation over night ready to be used in the morning is very appealing for us.

The problem seems to be that when we try to realise these ideas she struggles to last more than an hour without becoming either intolerably uncomfortable and/or un-aroused. Her pleading and complaining will often then leads to us moving on to having sex and thus to an end of the session.

Are there any good tips, pointers or advice you could give to help us both realise some of our ideas. i.e. How to stay in role after sex so as to continue the dynamic/session.

I am aware that being Domme I probably shouldn't give in to her so easily so any advice for me would be good too. Especially in helping to keep both of us aroused enough and in the right roles to continue with our play.

I am anatomically male but in our D/s relationship live as a female Domme. Unfortunately (just as I suspect most males do) I still need time after sex to recover my composure and libido. It is at this point that I find most difficult not to remove her from the situation and thus end the session. Is this usual for most male Dominants or could I do more to continue in Role?

Thank you.

Regards Mistress Jay

Answer
Mistress Jay

I understand a lot of this, but it is a little different for me. I live the lifestyle so there is no off switch. The fact is that my focus is not on cumming, I go hours or days without the need to ejaculate. So in effect never really "ending" a sessions. Examples of this was the recent Chinese New Year's week. I was training a new sub and integrating her in to my household. Session ran around the clock. Activities ran around the clock but focused on numerous activities. So having the equipment makes it somewhat easier. Queening benches, horses, cages and suspension rigs all give me a way to have a sub move from environment to environment all the while being used.  Bondage includes not just rope, or shibari but chains, leather, latex and other restraints.  I think  one of the most fascinating things is the level of arousal I can give a sub but not let them complete either.  So in effect the sexual triggers remains almost a constant and when they do orgasm it is usually a repetitive thing, with 2-4 orgasms in sequence.  Many times I never complete myself, and thereby give myself reason to punish the slave for its failure to satisfy its master.  However, my interests are less sexual than sadistic.

One of the things this requires is a well planned series of events, activities and diversions. I focus on delivery and events rather than cumming which makes it far more of living situation than an achievement driven situation.  I also have the advantage of having a poly household and many time simply instruct and watch as slave perform together, or friends and guest dom/me(s) share in my assets.

This keeps it alive and real. The other factor is none of my slaves has the additional role of girlfriend. There is no vanilla side. When we go to a movie or shopping, or even out for a meal it is always as dom and slave(s).  Strict protocols are enforced, activities conducted, demands made and punishments issued. Good example having a slave while accompany me remove her panties at restaurant while sitting at a table and then folding them and putting them on the table so the waiter and other guests can see. Having them ask permission to sit being denied, and forces to stand beside or kneel on the floor beside me in a restaurant.  Sometimes the vanilla "white knights" raise complaints or challenge me. I simply let the slave respond to them, and all are trained to say "I serve and obey at my  discretion, your interference is neither warranted nor wanted."  This almost always disarms people.  We have been asked to leave restaurants. At which point I do, but NEVER pay any bill.

Living it is more than just kinky sex. If your focus is kinky sex then that will be the extent of your relationship and when the kinky sex is over then so is the activity or session. Making it about the whole submission, dominance and associate experience makes it much more involved and complicated but removes the automatic off of a recovery period.

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Aramock Nanuck

Expertise

I will answer any questions concern the lifestyle and may annoy a few because I do dive into the history and psychology of this lifestyle in many of my answers. I have a partner a Femdom Mistress who shares my experiences and assets, as I hers. Also belonging to a couple groups in Europa and Asia. Traveling frequently between the continents. We tend to share information and discuss many of the topics frequently. I will focus on the core items around, training and relationship management for those that are interested.

Experience

I have been involved in the lifestyle since being introduced to it by my father at the age of 13. He was a master in the 50's to 80's but predated the popularity of Gor, and was Pharaonic in nature. I owned my own slaves since my early 20's. I have usually been part of a poly household. For about 6 years three of us ran a BDSM club in Prague until it was "acquired" by the Russian "businessmen". I do not hold any moral taboos about this lifestyle and at one time or another have experience or seen everything imaginable. It is in this absence of mrals that principles, protocols and personal honour must determine the worth of an individual. It is their clear and unwavering adherence to these ethics that make for stauncher things than those which some observance by mere lip service to common morals. When men/women of honour lead, then they do so without malice, without negativity and without thought of personal gain. It only then that they truly attain Dominon over others. Therefore in mastery comes a devotion to duty, and the existence, needs and desires of others that exceeds the submission mere slaves give to the Dominant. A Dominant one must lead, govern, educate and enrich the lives of subjects beign ruled... for otherwise they are but a sycophant and a tyrant. Hedonism and narcissism plays no part in this, it is an apparition that forms from acts done at much higher levels of meaning that mere morally bound persons can not see.

Organizations
I belong to a number of local clubs, and a loose association (not formal) of about 25 masters and mistresses here in Western Europe and Asia who share experiences, training and some exchange trade assets.

Publications
I have not published on BDSM under my name, but contribute frequently to forums. I am consolidating my writings slowly on DarkCastleSin.org for any that are interested in reading.

Education/Credentials
Not relevant although I do have a DCS and DT but I am not Christian so have no moral dilemmas with this lifestyle.

Awards and Honors
Not applicable here, come on in our lifestyle these do not exist but should. When was the last time we had public awards for Worlds Darkest Sadist, World's Most Gifted Shibaru Artist, Worlds Most Diligent Mentor, World's Most Gifted Enthusiast,

Past/Present Clients
Not relevant; private consults remain so.

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