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Question
I don't know where to start to ask a question. Well I honestly have no idea what to do I've never done anything like this before but I don't know where to go for answers or people to help me..I've always wanted to try this life but where should I start? is my question..who should i talk to?

Answer
Hi, Caitlin,

This is a great question. Many people just jump in without much thought and quite a few end up confused or worse. You sound like you're willing to take some time to sort things out and that's exactly where you need to start. Think about what attracts you to BDSM. Is your satisfaction in the power exchange or is it in kinky sex with a power exchange overlay. Do you want to submit, have someone submit to you, or both? Be aware that your answers to these questions may change over time, but you what you need to do at this point is find out where you are now. Once you have a direction, you can start to learn.

This very category is a good place to begin. Sample some of the questions that have been asked beforeref="http://en.allexperts.com/q/BDSM-2733/">questions that have been asked before</a>. It's likely most of your questions have been answered here already. You'll find not only basic information, but different points of view. You're not expected to buy into what other people believe. Instead, examine ideas, think critically and form your own opinions.

Your next step is talk to experienced people. You can start online and, if things really resonate for you, you can meet people face to face. That's why it's best to get involved with a group that has both an online and an offline presence. You can search for BDSM groups near you or visit Fetlife (.com), which hosts many groups. Unless you find you're strictly into role play, I would suggest avoiding chat rooms and role playing sites. Often people who do BDSM on places like IRC and Second Life learn more fantasy than fact and have a hard time if they decide to transition to real life.

When you're ready to meet people in IRL, do it in a social context. Attend a munch, not a play party. Make friends without regard to whether they're male or female, dom, sub or switch. Everyone has something to offer and you need to gather all the information you can. Eventually you'll be ready to play. At that point, if you can, attend a play party to watch and learn. If you then like the reality of BDSM, you can start looking for a partner. It's a process and demands patience, but the rewards will make it all worthwhile.

Have fun, be safe and good luck.

Mistress Violette

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Mistress Violette

Expertise

I can answer questions related to the practice of BDSM, especially involving relationship issues and personal interactions. My expertise is in helping people sort out thoughts and feelings, define problems and find solutions. I'm happy to apply my BDSM knowledge and experience to this. I'm not the best person for questions dealing with mechanical contraptions, the physics of BDSM or Gor related matters.

Experience

Seventeen years of real time, face to face practice of BDSM in my own personal relationships, 4 years of professional experience in distance training.

Education/Credentials
My traditional education includes both a bachelor's and master's degree. I have no formal education in BDSM. I know what I know from interacting with experienced players, reading, and hands on experience.

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