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Question
I know a bit about bdsm but I never entered into a d/s relationship because I have never made a connection with someone to do so. I am a dominate female and have always been shamed because that is who I am. When I met my forever, I felt like we could try.

My partner and I have been together for almost three years. I noticed as she got more comfortable in our relationship that she showed a lot of submissive tendencies. She even sent me a hand written card that included a lot of submissive clues that filled me with hope that I wouldn't have to hide this part of me. She put her trust in me because I am her first female relationship, along with being the first person she has ever connected with.

Sex for her, before me, has always been vanilla. With me, I tried little things like restraining her during foreplay or teasing her until she begged for her orgasm.

When she did a good job, I would tell her she was a good girl and she would get ecstatic and proud of what she did.

Recently, we talk about going more into bdsm but where do we start? What questions do we ask? I don't want to mess up and scar her forever, so I have always held myself back in being more dominate. Which puts issues in our relationship.

We are talking about having this in our every day life because we think that it is already in our relationship. Is there a website or a book that could help us?

She is 25 and I am 24. And we are both consenting adults.

Answer
Perhaps you should have asked something other than a list of links to help. Your question clearly showed a total lack of research on your part and a level of immaturity which was insulting inform.

Clearly, discussion should be open honest and forthright regarding those things which are of mutual interest and more importantly those things which either side which excluded. This sets a tenor of trust and respect for each other that is the foundation to build on. In any relationship it is honesty which is the basis for building something more than a casual ONS. Most people who are entering in to the lifestyle are never as naive as other think. The speed at which you progress should be slow but slight more than what the person thinks they can absorb but never too much at one time. This presses the boundaries of their understanding and acceptance without shattering their self-confidence or security zone. There will be some (the more advanced) who want something more extreme but never introduce a newbie to the extreme to start, let them view or even have partial experiences (i.e.: Violet Wands and tickling intensity across their arms or torso) to let them open their eyse or add to the fantasies forming in their minds.

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Aramock Nanuck

Expertise

I will answer any questions concern the lifestyle and may annoy a few because I do dive into the history and psychology of this lifestyle in many of my answers. I have a partner a Femdom Mistress who shares my experiences and assets, as I hers. Also belonging to a couple groups in Europa and Asia. Traveling frequently between the continents. We tend to share information and discuss many of the topics frequently. I will focus on the core items around, training and relationship management for those that are interested.

Experience

I have been involved in the lifestyle since being introduced to it by my father at the age of 13. He was a master in the 50's to 80's but predated the popularity of Gor, and was Pharaonic in nature. I owned my own slaves since my early 20's. I have usually been part of a poly household. For about 6 years three of us ran a BDSM club in Prague until it was "acquired" by the Russian "businessmen". I do not hold any moral taboos about this lifestyle and at one time or another have experience or seen everything imaginable. It is in this absence of mrals that principles, protocols and personal honour must determine the worth of an individual. It is their clear and unwavering adherence to these ethics that make for stauncher things than those which some observance by mere lip service to common morals. When men/women of honour lead, then they do so without malice, without negativity and without thought of personal gain. It only then that they truly attain Dominon over others. Therefore in mastery comes a devotion to duty, and the existence, needs and desires of others that exceeds the submission mere slaves give to the Dominant. A Dominant one must lead, govern, educate and enrich the lives of subjects beign ruled... for otherwise they are but a sycophant and a tyrant. Hedonism and narcissism plays no part in this, it is an apparition that forms from acts done at much higher levels of meaning that mere morally bound persons can not see.

Organizations
I belong to a number of local clubs, and a loose association (not formal) of about 25 masters and mistresses here in Western Europe and Asia who share experiences, training and some exchange trade assets.

Publications
I have not published on BDSM under my name, but contribute frequently to forums. I am consolidating my writings slowly on DarkCastleSin.org for any that are interested in reading.

Education/Credentials
Not relevant although I do have a DCS and DT but I am not Christian so have no moral dilemmas with this lifestyle.

Awards and Honors
Not applicable here, come on in our lifestyle these do not exist but should. When was the last time we had public awards for Worlds Darkest Sadist, World's Most Gifted Shibaru Artist, Worlds Most Diligent Mentor, World's Most Gifted Enthusiast,

Past/Present Clients
Not relevant; private consults remain so.

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