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BDSM/Help with my relationship, and myself

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Ok so, I'll try to make this as quick as I can, but there are multiple questions and a bit of backstory.. I'm a 20 year old gay guy, and I met my...I'll call him my Master, as it makes me feel better, online. After a few months I moved into him with his mom until we were kicked out, then we moved into my parents house, but now we have our own place. He knew I was into some sort of BDSM-styled relationships/kinks and well..after about a week or so, he got me a collar and sort of...unofficially made me his 'pet'. This filled me with so much joy, the idea of being his pet...bitch. However it wasn't  until about a week ago the relationship got a bit more D/s styled. Fore some backstory, I have always struggled with clinical depression, and was starting to really struggle with it, having a week where I barely ate, slept, etc. I eventually asked my Master to be more....well...Master. It started off as just stuff during sex, kind of like roleplaying, but I wanted more. Now recently, He's started to sort of enforce my 'uniform(collar, tight underwear, socks)" rule, being more bossing towards me, and even giving me more smacks, spanks, degrading, sexually using me and making me cum multiple times in a row, etc, all at random and multiple times through the days. Now I absolutely love wearing my collar so much I don't like not having it, and I'm so used to calling him "Master" or "Sir" that I don't even use regular nicknames like "Babe" or "Hun" that I used to say. So here's where my dilemmas come in...

First off, my Master says that we are still boyfriends, and the Master/pet thing is sort of on the side, and more for home/the bedroom. He says he wants to marry me, and Masters don't marry pets. I would love to marry Master, as long as he continues being my Master, and continues to treat me like he is, with rewards, punishments, degrading and humiliations, etc. Is this true? If me and Master marry, will this relationship style stop?

Second, how can me and Master incorporate this outside home? He's worried about the collar getting unwanted attention or questioning, especially since there are quite a few people that know me, as I've lived here so long and we work at the local McDonalds. including a rather...conservative family. Also, despite absolutely loving calling him Master or Sir, I'm still extremely shy and embarrassed about it, even at home, one reason being he doesn't seem to be as fully into the relationship as me, and so when I call him that, I feel...embarrassed

Finally, I want to know why? Why is it that being in a relationship where I'm verbally degraded, bossed around, smacked, etc, makes me happier than when were both boyfriends and just enjoying each other's company? Not only that, but the  more I'm treated like this, the less depressed and more happy I am. It seems slightly unfair to me though, that I want such a relationship where my Master seems to prefer to be boyfriends/husbands more. I used to think it was just a kink, now I'm starting to feel like I want this more than just in the bedroom. In fact, I would probably be happier and love it more if Master did more! Was more rough, demanding, assertive, etc. We have a safeword and I never had to use it, despite asking for mercy(which we established means nothing basically, it was up to Master to give such mercy).

so the questions recap
1. Can i marry Master and still be his pet?
2. How can we try to incorperate this outside of home?
3. Why does this please me so much? Not just sexually, but emotionally.
4. Is there a way I can possibly help him be more 'Master-full'? This doesn't mean to not care for me, as snuggling after a hard sex session or 'beating' can be amazing, and simply enjoying eachother's company and having fun as a 'couple' isn't out of the question. I just love feeling...owned and dominated by him.

I hope you can help, sorry for the long message and many questions!

Answer
walter:

What you do in your relationship is your and your partner's business. If you want to be his pet and he your master so be it. The same with getting married, that is a decision between two people. Mixing the two together again is a matter of personal preferences. We all make choices some are different than others, but that does not necessarily make them wrong, merely unconventional and that is the whole point about this lifestyle.

Incorporating this in the home is as easy or difficult you make it.  I think making work will require some clear decisions and agreement when one relationship model supersedes another.  Have a sit down, discuss it deeply and contextually and map this out as a Prenuptial on steroids.

Please you, well that is for some one far more skilled as a psychologist in this area. But from an unprofessional stance I would say it epitomizes for you the culmination of a fantasy in a reality.  A fair tale (in being married) and dark fantasy in being a slave while mixing modern forms to form a civil union which is bound by unconventional norms. Hell who would not be exited; particularly if you truly adored the other person.

Domination is a full time job and harder than many people know. It is exhausting to be always on!!!  Help him in being more dominant by avoiding anticipating every little thing., Let him give the command.  IF things are always done in advance of expressing the desire it is not very challenging, and the energy for doms comes from over coming the challenges.

Hope this does help

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Aramock Nanuck

Expertise

I will answer any questions concern the lifestyle and may annoy a few because I do dive into the history and psychology of this lifestyle in many of my answers. I have a partner a Femdom Mistress who shares my experiences and assets, as I hers. Also belonging to a couple groups in Europa and Asia. Traveling frequently between the continents. We tend to share information and discuss many of the topics frequently. I will focus on the core items around, training and relationship management for those that are interested.

Experience

I have been involved in the lifestyle since being introduced to it by my father at the age of 13. He was a master in the 50's to 80's but predated the popularity of Gor, and was Pharaonic in nature. I owned my own slaves since my early 20's. I have usually been part of a poly household. For about 6 years three of us ran a BDSM club in Prague until it was "acquired" by the Russian "businessmen". I do not hold any moral taboos about this lifestyle and at one time or another have experience or seen everything imaginable. It is in this absence of mrals that principles, protocols and personal honour must determine the worth of an individual. It is their clear and unwavering adherence to these ethics that make for stauncher things than those which some observance by mere lip service to common morals. When men/women of honour lead, then they do so without malice, without negativity and without thought of personal gain. It only then that they truly attain Dominon over others. Therefore in mastery comes a devotion to duty, and the existence, needs and desires of others that exceeds the submission mere slaves give to the Dominant. A Dominant one must lead, govern, educate and enrich the lives of subjects beign ruled... for otherwise they are but a sycophant and a tyrant. Hedonism and narcissism plays no part in this, it is an apparition that forms from acts done at much higher levels of meaning that mere morally bound persons can not see.

Organizations
I belong to a number of local clubs, and a loose association (not formal) of about 25 masters and mistresses here in Western Europe and Asia who share experiences, training and some exchange trade assets.

Publications
I have not published on BDSM under my name, but contribute frequently to forums. I am consolidating my writings slowly on DarkCastleSin.org for any that are interested in reading.

Education/Credentials
Not relevant although I do have a DCS and DT but I am not Christian so have no moral dilemmas with this lifestyle.

Awards and Honors
Not applicable here, come on in our lifestyle these do not exist but should. When was the last time we had public awards for Worlds Darkest Sadist, World's Most Gifted Shibaru Artist, Worlds Most Diligent Mentor, World's Most Gifted Enthusiast,

Past/Present Clients
Not relevant; private consults remain so.

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