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BDSM/Please help me understand my Sadist...I need insight.

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Question
I share this to give reference for my question...I am not new to the lifestyle overall, but I am new to being in a relationship with a sadist. I do not identify as a masochist or a "pain slut" but I do enjoy mild to moderate pain in a sexual context.

My sadist and I have been together now for a number of months. At first he introduced pain into our sex life quite often. However as it became more and more apparent that my pain tolerance did not match his needs, my Top stopped including pain related activities in our sex life for a short period. He then began to reintroduce them slowly to help me adjust and learn how to endure more (on my specific request that he help me learn to do this).

However, recently, sex has gone back to little/light pain to none at all. When I ask him about this he has said some variation of the comment that he can't "fuck you like I want to because I cannot hurt you. I would like to be able to but I cannot hurt you no matter how much I like the idea of it".

When I ask him to expand on this, he either can't or won't. Please help me better understand what this could mean for him because I am very confused since I know it is part of who he truly is and I completely accept it. How do I help us go forward with him understanding that I am truly comfortable with this being part of our relationship?"

Answer
jessica

Sadists are a bred unto ourselves. There is a part of our mind which works on an entirely different level. The administering of pain is particularly delicious.  Even a spanking is reveled in. Some of us enjoy the feedback as well. So barehanded spanking where we feel the intensity of smack in our hangs, the loose grip of a crop or switch so the feedback is almost as intense as the delivery.  There is also something truly dominating about having so much control that the mere treatment of another as a visceral piece of meat is compelling. So would call this sick. Most sadist function perfectly well in normal society simply by turning off the feedback and operating at a non physical level with everyone in day to day life. Sex without pain is like watch a black and white movie without a sound track. You can get something out of it but the intensity is gone. There are those of us who no longer even function well in the absence of the delivery of pain, flaccid and sad versus rock-hard and sadist is the difference.

So being a pin-slut is something most people grew into and were NOT born with. They usually started as kids, scratching themselves, pulling scabs, maybe pinching themselves to feel something.  Others felt the need to be punished because of a overtly restrictive and parochial upbringing where they needed to suffer to atone.  Then slowly seek more and more intensity to the sensation. The pain in effect made them realize they were alive or absolved as the case maybe.

Forcing yourself to become a pain slut is the same thing.  At some point the motivation for doing so has to be less important than the act itself. Maybe you could start with the desire to experience this, explore your options and channels of discovery while trying to excite and entice you dominant. Needles is a good way to start simply because the marks are almost invisible and yet intensely painful as being administer and almost euphoric when being removed. Find places on your body to turn into a pin cushion. Start slow with extremely thin and small needle (even order some acupuncture needles).  Pierce the body, make sure it is a sensitive area, look for areas without a lot of surface vessels and others with surface vessels. The image of a droplet of blood as being pierced is almost an aphrodisiac to a sadist.  Try self rope bondage where you can constrict blood flow and cause dumbness or bruising. Breasts are ideal for this. The pain is far more duller but more longer lasting and extend to well after the pain inducers are removed.

Use simple clothes pins to compress nipples and clit. or pinch loose skin. After a while instead of unclasping them, swat them free from their purchase.  As you become more adventurous try clamping start simply; go to a building supply store and buy some small c-clamps 1-2" or alligator clamps.

Remember each thing you do .. savor the sensation examine it, not just as pain but at a far more mental level. How did its application feel, how did its removal feel what were the things going on in your mind while in pain. Could you focus on anything but the pain. Never ignore the pain, and rather than enduring the pain, embrace it; make it your own and finally be enthralled by it.

I envy your master... I usually force my subs through this transition; to have one eagerly seek to do so themselves is a bonus.

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Aramock Nanuck

Expertise

I will answer any questions concern the lifestyle and may annoy a few because I do dive into the history and psychology of this lifestyle in many of my answers. I have a partner a Femdom Mistress who shares my experiences and assets, as I hers. Also belonging to a couple groups in Europa and Asia. Traveling frequently between the continents. We tend to share information and discuss many of the topics frequently. I will focus on the core items around, training and relationship management for those that are interested.

Experience

I have been involved in the lifestyle since being introduced to it by my father at the age of 13. He was a master in the 50's to 80's but predated the popularity of Gor, and was Pharaonic in nature. I owned my own slaves since my early 20's. I have usually been part of a poly household. For about 6 years three of us ran a BDSM club in Prague until it was "acquired" by the Russian "businessmen". I do not hold any moral taboos about this lifestyle and at one time or another have experience or seen everything imaginable. It is in this absence of mrals that principles, protocols and personal honour must determine the worth of an individual. It is their clear and unwavering adherence to these ethics that make for stauncher things than those which some observance by mere lip service to common morals. When men/women of honour lead, then they do so without malice, without negativity and without thought of personal gain. It only then that they truly attain Dominon over others. Therefore in mastery comes a devotion to duty, and the existence, needs and desires of others that exceeds the submission mere slaves give to the Dominant. A Dominant one must lead, govern, educate and enrich the lives of subjects beign ruled... for otherwise they are but a sycophant and a tyrant. Hedonism and narcissism plays no part in this, it is an apparition that forms from acts done at much higher levels of meaning that mere morally bound persons can not see.

Organizations
I belong to a number of local clubs, and a loose association (not formal) of about 25 masters and mistresses here in Western Europe and Asia who share experiences, training and some exchange trade assets.

Publications
I have not published on BDSM under my name, but contribute frequently to forums. I am consolidating my writings slowly on DarkCastleSin.org for any that are interested in reading.

Education/Credentials
Not relevant although I do have a DCS and DT but I am not Christian so have no moral dilemmas with this lifestyle.

Awards and Honors
Not applicable here, come on in our lifestyle these do not exist but should. When was the last time we had public awards for Worlds Darkest Sadist, World's Most Gifted Shibaru Artist, Worlds Most Diligent Mentor, World's Most Gifted Enthusiast,

Past/Present Clients
Not relevant; private consults remain so.

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