Please help me understand my sadists' statement...
BDSM/Please help me understand my sadists' statement...
Expert: Master Shadow - 5/9/2016
Question I share this to give reference for my question...I am not new to the lifestyle overall, but I am new to being in a relationship with a sadist. I do not identify as a masochist or a "pain slut" but I do enjoy mild to moderate pain in a sexual context.
My sadist and I have been together now for a number of months. At first he introduced pain into our sex life quite often. However as it became more and more apparent that my pain tolerance did not match his needs, my Top stopped including pain related activities in our sex life for a short period. He then began to reintroduce them slowly to help me adjust and learn how to endure more (on my specific request that he help me learn to do this).
However, recently, sex has gone back to little/light pain to none at all. When I ask him about this he has said some variation of the comment that he can't "fuck you like I want to because I cannot hurt you. I would like to be able to but I cannot hurt you no matter how much I like the idea of it".
When I ask him to expand on this, he either can't or won't. Please help me better understand what this could mean for him because I am very confused since I know it is part of who he truly is and I completely accept it. How do I help us go forward with him understanding that I am truly comfortable with this being part of our relationship?
Answer It takes time. Your Dominant is in love, from the sounds of it, and is having issues hurting the one He loves. So, this will take some time for Him to get used to the idea that you NEED this, that it is not abuse because it is a consensual need on both parts. Be gentle with Him, help Him learn that this is,an integral part of you, your personality and makeup. Then help Him to slowly learn you, your body and it's needs. Realize, both sides,have needs that must be fulfilled for this to work properly. Approach this with love, understanding and patience, and you should grow together in your Journey.
Can answer your BD/SM Lifestyle questions regarding flogging, caning, paddles, whips, scening, fear play, wax play, sensual knife play, humiliation, fisting, anal, violet wands, clamps, cbt, ice play, books, breathplay including blood chokes, cuffs, collars, furniture, collaring ceremonies, links, gags, toys and other items used in the lifestyle, Will not answer questions regarding medical advice in regards to the Lifestyle. I am a sadist, married to a Domme, who is also a sadist, am the owner of two, in a Leather Family, head and co owner of House of Dragon, a BDSM House, along with my wife, in a poly relationship, and enjoy the 24/7 lifestyle.
35 Years experience in the BD/SM Lifestyle.
Organizations Terre Haute S.I.N. Social Interaction Network (CoFounder).
Co Owner of House of Dragon.
Founder of Southern Indiana Consensual Kink (S.I.C.K.)
Publications Variations Magazine, on "Honor and Respect".
Education/Credentials Member of The Dungeon Monitors Association, as well as The Violet Wand Guild, and life experience.