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Thank you Dr. Bob for reading my post. To keep it brief, I always knew I had submissive qualities and often tried to give myself in my relationships. It was not until this past February when I met my first Dom/ Master. How quickly I felt at ease with him as he knew how to comfort me especially when I was nervous. He had only a few months a head of me in experience as a Dom. But he had training in martial arts and is a Master. We were together for only 5 months and during the last week of our relationship he started to put me down and belittled me. He would say things to make me question myself. All along he promised me we were to always pull each other up. It was even in his contract to always talk to each other with respect. So what happened? Why did he suddenly become so cruel? It was I who ended the relationship because I could not handle nor feel the desire to submit to him when he spoke to me in such a fashion. I sent him an email apologizing for the way I ended things and letting him know as my first Dom, he was very important and special to me. He hasn't responded to the email.   I am searching for answers as to how I heal from this break up and how do I eventually find another Dom. I'm most nervous as to where to go since my Master is the only person I knew in the community of BDSM.
I thank you for your time and hope that you can please help me get back on track...

Answer
Hi, Elisha...

VERY sorry to hear of this progression.  

It sounds to me as though you both had a great connection in the beginning, but as the "three-month crazies" (as Jay Wiseman calls them) wore off and the every-day nature of the relationship began to set in, the person who was thriving on NRE (New Relationship Energy) went away and was replaced by who he really was.

I'm afraid I can mostly offer you the knowledge that this is a very common occurrence, though that doesn't mend your heart.

At the risk of sounding self-serving, may I suggest you pick up a copy of our book: "BDSM Mastery -- Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships" You can find it on our website: www.KinkMastery.com  That will give you a lot of information that should help you to prepare yourself to find a new Dom.

By the way, if you're less than a year into BDSM, I'd strongly urge you to get the companion book, too: BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. Once you've finished that book, you'll have about the same knowledge as someone who has been "doing" BDSM for about five years.

If you pick these up, would always appreciate an Amazon review  :-)

Feel free to write back with further or other questions...

Best wishes to you,

Bob
(Love to have a friend request on Fet: Dr_Bob)

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Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob)

Expertise

Anything related to BDSM or Master/slave relationships or activities.

Experience

See: www.KinkMastery.com I live 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle and have since 2002 both as Master and slave. My Owner and I present and do "weekend intensives" internationally and at BDSM conferences practically every month.

Organizations
Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) National Leather Association - International (NLA-I) National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

Publications
+++ BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. +++ BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives +++ Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices +++ Master/slave Mastery--Advanced: Refining the fire; ideas that matter +++ Master/slave Mastery--Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship +++ Is THAT What They Meant? A book of practical communication insights

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. EdM, Boston University with specialty in urban education Presented 80+ BDSM weekend conferences worldwide since 2007.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
Not applicable.

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