You are here:

BDSM/Newbie Master

Advertisement


Question
I recently started chatting to a guy online, and we were discussing our kinks and talking about what we enjoyed. At one point he asked me if I would like to be his Master, and I accepted. Hes a nice guy and Id love to explore a master-slave relationship with him. But Im nervous, dont know how to go about being a 'good' Master and have no idea where to begin.

Im nervous because Im normally a submissive, and I only have experience of submission. Also, he said he's a rubber slave and shown me some of his gear, but I have no experience of playing with somebody interested in rubber or know what half of the gear is. Furthermore, he lives quite far away from me and is about a 5 hour car journey away. He is happy to travel, but we may not meet very often, and so I want to make the experience worthwile when we can meet.

I know I cant be perfect 1st time, and because Ive never dommed before it will be a learning curve. He said he doesnt mind that Ive never dommed before, and understands that I wont be perfect. I also expect to discuss with him what went well and needs improvement after play together. BUT I would like some advice on how to be a good Master, and how to start out being a newbie Master. I just want to make it a fun and pleasurable experience for both of us, and know how to be a good Master for him.

Answer
Hi, Daniel --

An exciting new experience, to be sure.

Well... I'd suggest you start with a book called: "Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of theory and practice." That will give you the theory.  The thing is, you're really doing "Master/slave" as a scene, not as a living style, so that book may be too much.

I know of a series of books in a gay setting, but I'm having trouble fining it on Amazon... the title was something like "My Master's House."

For learning about dominance, I'd suggest books about how to be macho... there are lots of them on Amazon. "Real Men" type books. "Alpha Dom" books.  Those aren't titles, they're search categories.

My best suggestion is to ask him to write out his ideas about what a Master is and how a Master behaves and what a slave is and how a slave behaves. You do the same. Don't share until you're sitting together on his next visit.

From that point, you'll probably be able to have a good idea whether you can deliver what he wants and whether he is offering what you want.

Feel free to write back if this wasn't enough.

Remember: it's all about having fun.

Bob  

BDSM

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Robert Rubel (Dr. Bob)

Expertise

Anything related to BDSM or Master/slave relationships or activities.

Experience

See: www.KinkMastery.com I live 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle and have since 2002 both as Master and slave. My Owner and I present and do "weekend intensives" internationally and at BDSM conferences practically every month.

Organizations
Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) National Leather Association - International (NLA-I) National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)

Publications
+++ BDSM Mastery—Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols. +++ BDSM Mastery—Relationships: a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives +++ Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices +++ Master/slave Mastery--Advanced: Refining the fire; ideas that matter +++ Master/slave Mastery--Protocols: Focusing the intent of your relationship +++ Is THAT What They Meant? A book of practical communication insights

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. EdM, Boston University with specialty in urban education Presented 80+ BDSM weekend conferences worldwide since 2007.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
Not applicable.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.