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BDSM/Wife in D&s relationship with another man

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Question
My wife is sub to an online Dom and IF I could discourage it before it gets real, I would do.
I really need help.

Answer
Sorry to hear this.  BDSM requires informed consent of ALL the parties and, in my opinion, if you have not consented to this then what she is doing has no honor.

Having said that: Have you given you informed consent? By "informed consent" does she let you know where she is and what she does? Have you talked about what she <wants/needs/desires> and are you willing to consider these?

A book I recommend is "Mating In Captivity" by Ester Perel, it might give some context to "why".  An "on-line master" is, to me strictly a play relationship in which your wife will be the on getting hurt when he has played out his fantasies. She is taking time and emotional energy from your relationship and giving it to him.

It's hot and sexy and gets her hot just thinking about it. But you have to consider what you can offer. Are you willing to invest time, energy, moving out of your comfort zone to meet her? Can you see her not as wife/mother but full of sexual energy, wanting to let go and be lustful, playful, alive again? That is what he is doing; releasing her sexuality.

My wife and I plan fantasy weekends, away from the house, away from responsibility; time for us to play, time for riding naked in the car, stopping to neck like we used to do. Time for you to allow "her Master's Voice" to come out of you, out of your imagination, out of a place of power that is politically incorrect but oh so hot. A time for her to put on fishnet stockings, short skirt, low blouse and sit in a bar (carefully chosen of course) waiting for your pickup line so you can take her back to your hotel room and watch her be nasty. Sexuality, and the expression of that sexuality, and the anticipation of expressing her sexuality is why she is doing what she's doing. If you can find a way of doing that for her, with her, to her, what use will she have for a guy wanking away with someone he doesn't care about?

Talk to her, honestly, openly about her fantasies; and in return talk to her openly about yours. Find out where there is overlap and, if possibe, go there together.

Read the book, have her read the book, then discover Redtube together. Discover Fetlife (sounds like she may have already). Learn to let your fantasies out to play.

Follow-up welcome.

Brian

BDSM

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BrianR

Expertise

I will answer questions related to long term Master/slave relationships.

Experience

We have been married since 2007, and I collared her on November 1, 2008. My slave and I are married, monogamous, and committed to each other. My relationship with my slave is based on mutual love, respect, and frankly fun. Race Bannon has said "if you are not having fun then you are doing it wrong." We are having lots of fun so we must be doing something right! My slave is an intelligent (BS in Mathematics actually), and strong women who chooses to put her power into my service and, perhaps seemingly paradoxically as she is my submissive, my equal. She is my slave, my wife, my best friend, and my only lover. I respect her for her ability to submit and truly believe that it takes more strength to submit then to dominate. She follows, but not blindly.

Organizations
Masters and Slaves Together - Marysville (Washington) (founding director) MAsT International - Assistant Northwest Regional Representative 2015, Regional Representtive 2016 BDSM Writers Workshop (April 2016) http://bdsmwriterscon.com/

Publications
My essays are on Fetlife under BrianR (https://fetlife.com/users/9389/posts)

Education/Credentials
Engineer (however this probably should be under the category "barriers your slave has overcome")

Awards and Honors
With my lovely slave we were Northwest Master and slave 2013

Past/Present Clients
With my slave I have presented at national and international events since 2013. While we enjoy presenting at national events, we find more satisfaction in talking with small groups from Boise ID to Singapore and Hong Kong. Our list of classes is available at

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