About awhitecloud Expertise Life questions in the area of D/s and real life relationships. I have been active in the Lifestyle for over 18 years and live it real time. Active in local munches for the last 15 years. Have practical life experiences that have brought me to a greater understanding of my self and the lifestyle.
Experience I have been active in the community for over 18 years. I have been helping people for the last 10 years on a number of boards. And I write articles for different on line as well other D/s publications.
Organizations Spokane Power Exchange. Salem OR area...Wet Spot
Publications D/s World .... Fbot..."The Subbie Journal"
Education/Credentials I have finished my Master's degree and have spent a great deal of time in the fields of physiology. And I did a D/s study for my Master's thesis, and I was surprised with the out come. D/s views may not be defined but most all relationships have some aspect of them. Have a D/s book "The subbie Journal? in it's third printing.
Awards and Honors I have several for best article of the month
BDSM - 24/7, real-life complete with kids and exhaustion
Expert: awhitecloud - 8/4/2007
Question Hello awhitecloud,
I have an issue I'd love some help with (as opposed to a single question).
My master and I have lived together since 2003 (M/s since that time, and before then we were friends). We began our BDSM relationship with a very high protocol and tight control. Our honeymoon stage lasted two years... and then we had a son. 15 months later we had another son.
We have two kids under the age of two at home, and i have three girls (aged 16, 18 and 21) whom we also parent - along with all the chaos that age-group brings to the table.
Things have just grown more and more vanilla as life has become more and more stressful and exhausting. We've become quite egalitarian out of necessity, and we both hate it.
What do other couples with kids do to keep the D/s dynamic strong? How do we stop the vanilla that keeps creeping in when we're too tired to do more than fall in to bed each night? What are some meaningful, yet realistic protocols that can be incorporated under these circumstances?
I realize this stage won't last forever, but I truly worry that I'll lose my ability to submit completely to this man if we don't keep our dynamic going through these challenges.
If you could help with this, that would be... wonderful.
Thank you for your time,
minx
Answer Minx,
Your most welcome and I will try to help some if I can. I have been there and done that with the children thing and making the dynamic stay in the home and it can be hard.
First you might want to get some Dog beds, the fluffy ones not the ones with the wood stuff inside. Make these seats for the floor for you and the younger children. So you can sit on the floor at your Sir’s feet. Something that we use to do was well I sat there he might grab the back of my hair and pull my head back, I loved to feel that control, but then he would give me a kiss well he held my head back, so the children had no clue what was taking place.
You might wish to try something in the bed room, to kneel at the side of the bed and to ask permission to enter the bed with your Sir. As well to wear collar and cuffs in the bedroom area. We had one night a week that the kids had to be all in bed and we went to bed, but we would meet in the bedroom for an hour of us time to talk and to hold each other and to have some D/s time. We all called him Sir, the kids where raised to call him Dad as well if ask a questions to answer yes and no Sir, and to use Ma'am with Mom. But this allowed me to call him Sir and not have anyone ask any questions. As well the children learned to have respect for others that they talked with so not a bad thing at all. :-)
You need to find and make time to keep the dynamic alive, we had something that worked well if I did something he did not like he would come up and grab my hair and pull my head back and just say red, blue, or yellow. And leave, I know what each color meant no one else did but I did; I was able to feel his power at different times. He worked hard to help get the kids into bed, and when they got older we would have them go to there rooms to read for a while before bed.
I use to sleep in my cuffs that he would place on me each night before I was allowed into bed. Take a shower with him and wash him, find some little things where he can feel your being submissive to him, and only do these things with and for him. Like making a sandwich and make sure his is always cut in half in a different direction then the kids, his is always served cut and always in the different direction then you will cut the kids sandwiches.
You have older ones use them, have them baby-sit well you attend a munch or have a weekend of D/s at a cheep hotel. Have then take the kids to the part of to story hour at your local library so you can have some time to deal with things between you at home. Find things that he can do to give you the feelings of being a sub, even if it is to fold his underwear in a different manner then you do now. I use to mate the socks and his got rolled up to be in the drawers, he knew it was something I only did for him. You need to find time to talk and set goals and get his ideas on little things that can give you both some of the dynamics, even if it is him buying you panties that you wear under your clothes on said days of the week.
I hope this has helped and if there is anything else that I can do please ask I will try my best to keep helping you. I believe the lifestyle is too important to just not have it even in small ways a part of ones life. This is what I strive to live and have each and every part of my life. We have subbie clothes day which is Fridays. This day I wear white panties and white shirts even if I have to change the shirts a number of times during that day I have an all white one on. Spray –n- wash is my friend on Fridays. I wear white shocks as well I try to be in all white and have a white night gown for sleeping on Friday nights as well. This is just something that makes me think all day my place as a sub and who I serve. I try to write one e-mail each day to send to him to let him know I am thinking about how much he means to me and that I am there to serve him and his needs.
Put your heads together and see what you can come up with that will work for you both, there is no right or wrong you just have to look at it a little differently to keep it alive in what will work for you both.
Thanks for the opportunity to help you, as it has helped me as well to just sit and remember all the little things that can be a part of life to help ones mindset.
