Expert: Oscar G. - 6/10/2006

Question
Well as an intro, I'm a 20 year old dom, bi male that lives with his best friend and ex-boyfriend. Both of them are submissives, and my best friend is my pet on days off.  I've been a practicing dom with various boyfriends and one girlfriend over the last 4 years.

All of that aside, my problems have little to do with that. I'm a member of a few dating sites for D/s and M/s relationships, but nothing seems to be working out. In most of these sites I end up with 20 doms messaging me about being their slave and submitting to their will(s) online. That's not the worst part. People that are genuinely interested are either older than my grand-parents or not true slaves and just in it for the sex. In the 4 years I've been a practicing dom in relationships the only few true slaves I've found are straight, and the doms I know treat me like I'm a four-year-old with a tricycle because I couldn't possibly have experience.

I am just wondering if you have any suggestions on finding slaves within 10 years of my age (well obviously not 10 under... max of 3 under my age), getting these doms away from my profiles because they obviously don't read well, and maybe finding a real slave-boi or girl. I am a member of bondage.com and as it stands, I can only find posers there.  

Thanks,
Matt

P.S. If you do know of any other younger doms or subs with the same issues that want to talk, feel free to give them my email. I know you've taken questions like this in the past.

Answer
Hi Matt:

I can really relate with what you write. When I started learning BDSM with a girlfriend and my own research (before Internet , mind you) i felt very isolated and i was not sure if I was on the right path. Once I started to check outside in the real world  organizations, people, socials and munches, I realized I was one of the youngest ones around that crowd, and I was in my early 30's (circa 1998). Also I realized also that I had little if anything in common with some of the people in the crowd outside BDSM.

A few friendly people do help and there is the age gap issue. But if you are genuine, honest and take care of getting along with others, you will become recognized. It takes time, but long the way people give you references, new blood arrives and people mor ein your frequency and age come. But you also have to figure out that not all BDSM people go to sites, or socials or munches. BUt you Gotta go to some to increases your chances, network and at the very least learn  and hear other people's experiences.

I also been a memeber of Alt.com and B.com and i know the lack of quality, posseurs, and pretenciousness of some of its citizens. All i can tell you if that you have to sort the chaff from the wheat to get your bread eventually. My only advice if to go for the long haul and be patient. That is the only way. Also it helps to be defined in your tastes and limits. Try to stand out off the crowd in your ad and be specific and detail of your needs and wants. Unwanted attention is  to be expected if you are attractive.

Try to look locally for any social event BDSM related, called Munches. People go to test the waters and talk about the BDSM topics but without play and some mingling occurs. Alot of newcomers  start by going to munches. And a lot of them have younger people who have learned a lot thank to the acess to the BDSM internet info.

I hope this helps.

Best of luck. Be safe and be patient.
Oscar G.