Expert: Master Shadow - 5/4/2007

Question
Hello there

I will bless you and thank you a lot to have your advice



So here it is:


About Me:

I am 25 years old (male), healthy. I can describe myself as a Switch ( I like to dominate

And to be dominated & controlled even more)

tough I never tried it before.but I desire so much to taste from that lifestyle.

But still don't think I will turn BDSM into my total lifestyle.





About Her:

I met a 40 years old lady (she got 2 daughters 17yo, 13yo).

She is very attractive & very very pretty, she looks like 28 years old. She is pretty known in the BDSM community.

She is very hard to explain, I will try to describe her caricature:

- Very liberal. She started having sex from a very young age

- She was cheating on her husband from day 1. (She is divorced now)

- She made any sex fantasy she dreamed of (anything): she had been with girls & boys from the

 ages 17 and to even older then her age. She done even sex with a few people together

- She is the person that enjoyed sex in all ways I believe



- She got PMS, her period is very strong (men suffer from her during the period time, means

 screaming, shouting, she demands)

- She got trouble sleeping (taking sleeping pills).

- She is very skinny (great body), but she was anorectic for years

- The reason she is happy and alive: is that she loves when people admires her, her ego is in the

 sky. She love fame, and to feel always on top.

-          She must be the best looking in the group she is with, and she knows she is the best

-          She used to take drugs like pills in parties until a few years ago. She quit.

-          But she seems very cleaver and smart, high skilled language if she wants.



-          She is working as a mistress (guys \ slaves coming to her house and they pay her for a

-             dominating session, she got equipment as well).

- She is very liberal, even doing sessions to slaves whiles her daughters in the house. They

         know mom is with a guy. She slowly teaching her daughters to dominate also

- She got beautiful daughters, so sweet (I pity them, because they have a terrible mom I believe)

- Her 13yo daughter sometime curse her giving her the F word & shut up mom



- She picks good looking guys, she is picky. A lot of people admire her.

- She has a master as well. That dominates her (he is 60 years old)



A few times she told me she has no mental energy left in her

I tried to discover what is her ambitions, and she got none

Sometime I feel she is sad and miserable, when I try to fix her life to give her a purpose, a meaning

She rejects it, telling me i'm a kid. I don't know anything. She have been though a lot of things



I believe she is a lady, which decided to exploit life as much as she can. And that's it

Having everyone work & admire her & worship her. Period



The thing is I began to feel for her. She tells me that she loves me too

But she desire to be polygenic (be with a lot of men, not 1).

A week ago she had a slave for a session (he paid her) but she liked him a lot. So she seceded he is hers for good also. And I envy and I'm jealous a lot. She tells me don't worry I love only you



If you ask me I will say she is just using me. The same she did all her life to anything I believe



- somt times I wish we could have a vinyl (regular) relationship together. That way she will be only with me.



I want her so much, because she is a challenge, she is 40 and she is a sex bomb with tons of adventures and thrills, but I want love as well

She is turning me on a lot



Even though she gives me fake love maybe....I didn't have any love for maybe 4 years.

I know I can get very hurt out of this relation,





What is that woman? Why is she like that? She is so complicated, why?

Is it possible to give her a reason to live? An ambition? To change her?

Is it possible that she will fall in love with an average looking adorable guy like myself? Or another guy (be honest I wont be offended)



Should I hold my feelings, or fake it, that way I will fulfill my fantasies and then leave her?

Or should I tell her good bye now (and I will lose all that adventure)







Thank you so much for your reading

I will love to even Skype or have a chat with you. It's a very interesting issue & personalities

Thank you Thank you SO MUCH



--

Adam  

Answer
First off, I would quit trying to change Her. She is living Her life the way She chooses, as any Dominant would do. Secondly, if you truely love Her, then you need to change to suit Her, as She is the Mistress, and has told you as much.

Were I you, I would sit down with Her, and discuss these issues with Her. If you care about her, than you owe Her this. You also might try asking Her to be scened, if you haven't tried this avenue in the Lifestyle yet, which I gather is the case from your letter. Realise, though, that She will be in charge, and not you. If you try to take charge while being scened, then you would be "topping from the bottom", which means that you would be (wrongly) trying to control Her, instead of the other way around.

If, after the scene, you still wish to be with Her, it will have to be under Her rules, not yours. As a Mistress, whether Pro Domme or not, She will be the one in charge, and you will either obey Her in all things, or leave. I can't see any other options here.

Just remember to set up a safeword to use in the scene, in case things get too intense for you. It sounds like you don't have a whole lot of experience in this, so I would suggest going to CastleRealm.com, and doing a little reading on the subject, so that you understand more fully what you are getting into. This way, things won't come as a surprise to you during the scene, and you will understand better the situation you find yourself in. I hope this helps, and good luck.



                                     SINcerely in Leather,
                                     Master Shadow.