Expert: Mistress Violette - 10/28/2007

Question
i have slipped and for some reason i cant get back up... my mistress says this is lack of dedication... i am stuggling with the concept of not being allowed to self-injure or smoke because She has said no... but how can i be more dedicated

Answer
Hello, Milly,

It's wonderful that your mistress is trying to help you improve your physical and emotional well being. That shows she understands her job. But it also looks like she's going to need some information from you so she can help you better.

I'm sure she doesn't intend to set you up for failure and I hope she'll be receptive to talking with you in depth about self injury and about smoking. Unless she's had some personal or professional experience with these issues she may not know exactly what you're dealing with. It's probably not lack of dedication that caused you to fall, it's more likely that you're facing a situation that can't be handled with dedication alone. I encourage you to share facts about these issues with your mistress.

Some people can just decide to quit smoking and quit. They're few and far between and it looks like you're not one of them. That's ok. Many people try to quit several times before they succeed. It's not purely a question of willpower, you're fighting a psychological and physical addiction. If most people could quit smoking with dedication we wouldn't have the many pills, patches, gums, inhalers, support groups and other aids to quitting smoking. It's fine for your mistress to order you to quit but there has to be more to it than that. Look into the various methods there are to help you quit, then present the most likely candidates to your mistress. Tell her how you see them working for you so she can select the one she thinks will afford you the most chance of success.

You know that self injury is a complicated matter. It's not unusual that your mistress doesn't. You need to talk to her about this because, again, if it could be ended with dedication you can bet that information would be all over the media. But that's not what we know. We know the causes are varied and complicated. We know this is a situation that responds to treatment. We know success takes work, support and, often, professional help. This is not something that can go away because someone says so.

You might think it's not your place to tell your mistress this or to offer to educate her. It absolutely is. If you say nothing, you'll continue to try and you'll most likely continue to slip. Neither you nor your mistress will be happy. She won't understand what's happening and may think you're being willful, when actually you're trying to use a small solution for a big problem. Far from being a bad submissive, you're keeping up your part of the bargain by giving your mistress vital information about yourself. You're also taking responsibility for your own health and safety, which is never a bad thing. Even the most experienced dominants are grateful for  help in that area, because it's important. I hope you'll talk with yours about this as soon as you can.

Mistress Violette