Expert: Oscar G. - 8/23/2007

Question
QUESTION: i am and have been in a long distance relationship with a Dom in the UK for the last 3 years. Recently i've been instructed to provide Him with a switch day. Where He is the submissive and i am the Domme. The purpose is for Uus both learn what it's like to be on the other end. And to help keep Himself in check so as He doesn't ever ask too much of me. Knowing a Dom should never ask His sub to do something if He Himself would never try it. i'm having a problem. Although i've been an on line sub for 3 years and i've done this "switch" before,i need new ideas. i have to write 3 essays of 3 different scenes with exact instructions and net links or pictures to match, along with reasons why i'd have Him do these things. i need a fresh brain.. Can You please help me? i do know that self bondage is a must.

ANSWER: Hi Becky:

Just of the top of my head. Ideas to play with:

-Make him dress up to you liking (not his) while attempting any of the scenes. It gives you more control and makes him more aware of what he makes you wear.
-Go for stuff you enjoy and want more as opposed to the stuff you know he likes. Explain it and tell him how you make it is different from his and or you want it  exactly the way you made it or the way you would want it comparing it/contrasting it  to how you did it for him.
-Make him use a gag and or a blindfold. It enhances the sensations and the feeling of helplessness.
- Do a scene to him of stuff that you have not liked much, and figure from there if he liked it and why.

I could give you more specific scenarios, but the limits and dynamics of your play can wildly fluctuate because of experience, tastes, limits. It is hard to find images for specific scenarios because of the same reason.
But i hope those general pointers help you.
Best wishes.
OG

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for your quick response. i love your ideas so far. i am very interested in hearing more details. If i could pass on more information to you maybe it could help  He is very experienced with 20 years behind Him now. He has lived the lifestyle 24/7 for most of that. Which makes it more of a challenge for me to be creative in His eyes.

There are of course limits; given ones: no children, animals, or deceased. Other than that, i'd go as far as to say no needles or blood. So, the possibilities are endless. Let me just add i need to show Him who is the top in these scenarios, i need to give Him freedom of His mind, and i need to come up with at least one mind blowing off the top scene that will make Him squirm.   

If you have any more ideas i'd love to hear them or any links that i may research on my own would be helpful.

Sincerely,
Becky

Answer
Hi again Becky:
To elaborate a bit more on some points:
1.-If you want to make him squirm: Dress him with your clothes, you chose the sexiest stuff you think will make him feel sensual, but also perhaps too girly, making that conflict between pleasure and slight humiliation, but because if directed he will go there and please you (but on your part making sure he feels it is what you feel when wearing nice lingerie)
2.- Make him feel the same way he makes you feel (good or bad) with the same kind activities he does to you. But to make it different, push it even more to certain twists or levels you have not been pushed to, but you think or desire to go and put him in that path. Maybe it is the rhythm of the flogger, the intensity of the spanking, the tightness of the ropes, or adding some sexual element to certain bdsm activities. Remember CBT is something he cannot quite do to you, but  you can apply on him (gates of hell, ball parachutes, sounds, pouches)
3.- Chose more than one type gag. Send him some of your slightly worn panties, just enough slight feminine scent in them and a touch of your perfume is a great combo of smell and flavor. Tell him to stuff his mouth and tape over during the experience. Also purchase any evil looking(but that you would like) head harness or ballgag online and mail it to him, so he will wear it. Order him to wear it every time he touches himself. Blindfold also works to enhance and focus  other sensation  to compensate for the lack of sight. A hood also is a bit more intense for real play.
4.- Choose an BDSM experience/activity you did not like and make him relieve it as the receiver of it, to see if he likes a dose of his own medicine.
5.- On all these activities make him take pictures and send them to you. Or variation, get a webcamera and see him performing for you and detailing every step while you see it and please yourself while you watch him (but not telling him)
6.- It is hard to arrange a kidnapping since it is long distance, but certainly would be a mind blowing experience in person. But if the setting is just a mental scenario to get you in the mood try that as the backdrop. Mock "rape" works in many ways...specially for a bit roughness in anal insertions (lubed of course).

The devil is on the details of course. But i would suggest try stuff you want done to you. Let your fantasies go lose and run with them. If you have not make them real yet, use him as your guinea pig. Your fantasies are the best blueprints you will ever come. Dark or even taboo is fine as long as the limits are not touched. SO you have some details and more material to work now. I hope this helps you better. Have fun.
Oscar G.