Expert: awhitecloud - 12/9/2007

Question
Hello, i am new to this site but i am glad that i have finally found a place to ask my questions. i am relatively new to being a submissive at least when it comes to play. my Husband and i have been together for over 12 years now and about 5 years ago i started developing more and more desire to explore this lifestyle. i did research and read many different things, in doing this i learned what i liked and what i feel i want. my Husband is a very good man and when i expressed my desires to be Dominated by Him he was willing to explore with me. Soon exploring wasn't enough and i expressed this to him that i needed more, he then expressed a reluctance to hurting me. We discussed this openly for some time. He has become more and more open to what i want but i don't know how to be a sub and teach him what i want at the same time. i am not sure if that makes any sense. Another problem is this we have 3 children and in our everyday routine with the children i have always taken the lead and control when it comes to them. There are many places where i don't think that in our everyday lives i can completely submit to Him. i would like for Him to be more Dominating but i do not feel at all submissive if i am constantly telling Him what i want Him to do. It just doesn't feel right.  i do not expect for Him to be in His Dom role 24/7 if He chose that i would do my best to please and to learn to submit where i feel i will have the most problems however, i would like to have more time then we currently have to explore this.  i do not know if i am expressing myself correctly and i hope you don't think i am crazy, i just would like to know how to go deeper into the lifestyle and maintain the happiness in my marriage.

Answer
you need to get the book "the loving Dominate" and have him read it and you can get it at an local book store or even order it on line.

As to not wanting to hurt you well that is what safe words are all about.  You need to make it clear that if he is you will let him know, as well he needs to learn not to worrie so much about, which is easier said then done.

We have children as well and I was in charge of them for the most part and that never meant I was not serving him as I did that was my job so I was serving him and submitting to him through my job as I worked with the children.

Something that might help is to have clothing that you wear on certain days under your regular clothes so that others do not know and the kids have no clue.  This will help you to feel him with you and in you throughout the day.  Most call them subbie clothed.  For the most part if is white panties and a white t-shirt and white socks. Not so hard but wearing them on the days he choses and when he wishes can be power on both sides.  You ca use other things as well, but this I know many subs use and it works well with children they do not ask questions.

You need to just talk a lot and talk thing over. Keep a journal and sit down one night a week and have him read it and go over it talk about it, learn together and grow together.

I hope that this has helped,  Ask away I will do my best to answer

awhitecloud