About Hollie Expertise I can offer advice regarding BDSM, fetishism and sexual issues in general. I can help you explain to a loved one about your sexual desires, deal with other interelatial issues that come from BDSM and just discuss with you any firther questions you may have.
Question My boyfriend likes to be dominated, and seems to want that in other aspects besides the bedroom. But nobody wants to be controlled. How do I know where to draw the line? His ex was downright abusive. he has been stabbed, burned, and god only knows what else. She also told him what to wear, how to keep his hair, and when he could go out and come home. I know that is definately not me, and I'm sure he liked the idea of being with someone dominating, but didn't like the abuse and control. In fact, alot of times we argue if I remind him of his ex. So how do I balance it out? This is really not at all in my nature, I do it to make him happy. But I don't mind though. My problem is I think that should stay in the bedroom, lest he will be unhappy.
Answer Hi evelyn
Im firstly gonna talk to you about non-sexual issues and perhaps some problems that your boyfriend may have then I will tackle the sexual side of all of this.
What I would think is happening here is that your man has probably only been around/close to women who have controlled him to some degree....i.e. his ex, his mother etc.
i have a partner who's mother is EXTREMELY dominating and has told him from day one what to do, wear, eat, drink, probably how to breathe! Now, he likes me to tell him what to do (non-sexually) because that is all he used to, he is always seeking priase and well if he is told what to do then he feels he cant make mistakes or muck up, do you get me? I think your partner is similar in this way.
I think you can be slightly dominant in day-to-life with him, dont tell him what to do, just suggest things perhaps and make sure although perhaps you have suggested them it doesnt mean that he cant say no or have his say!
Now sexually, domination is something very different. Me and my partner are very different from you and yours, its My partner who dominates me and I am the submissive one. Its an escape from everyday, he can release himself on me and I like that.
Here, if he is happy with it, you can really dominate him, hurt him or whatever he desires. this isnt abnormal, this is very common and there are alot of men out there who love to be dominated. If you are happy with this then I think its ok. Sexually everything would be fine Im sure but be careful with day to day stuff and make sure that he is happy with how things are and also perhaps talk to him about his childhood, past or whatever.
