AboutOscar G. Expertise From simple curiosity to elaborate scene set up and planning as well as technique, gear, link, advice, opinion, facts and reference among other colleagues.
Social, spiritual, romantic and emotional issues related to BDSM
Bondage being my focus and specialty, but love the sensual aspects of these arts.
Experience 15 years researching, reading, interacting, dating and playing in the BDSM lifestyle actively as a Dom, used to be sub.
BDSM, Bondage, gags, blindfolds, knots, ropes, restrains and roleplaying
Organizations belong to Assorted loose organizations in Southern CA
Publications N/A
Education/Credentials Engineering & Military
Awards and Honors Military and respect from my peers in the BDSM community
Question I accidently discovered a hogtied membership on my boyfriend's computer four months ago. He was very agnry that I looked at videos on his computer. What bothered me most was a couple of videos where the women were drugged. Five days ago I snooped and five sites he searched that day involving chloroform porn and one site of snuff porn (drowning, shooting, etc.) I feel this is excessive. I was wrong to snoop, but feel what he calls just a fetish is too much. We see each other 2-3 times a week and only have sex once a week. He's stressed over work. He thinks there's something wrong with me for objecting to it. He thinks I did something to restore his history. He says he always deletes it. He's hiding this from me. Any advice on how we can work through this. We've been talking about engagement, but obviously have a sex problem.
Answer Dear Dawn:
There are multiple items that have to be questioned independently and from there try tomake sense of it alland come to a resolution.
My first point would be that if you wre aware he liked BDSM or not. And find out if you were into it as well as him. BDSM is a mutual consent practice for both participants, if 2 people were to act out anything out.
Second if we are talking about just porn and stuff to see and fantasy about, it is a different matter.
I DO agree with you that drugging and snuff are a bit excessive. But there are many other aspects of BDSM that are just as INTENSE , but not as violent or harsh. The fact you mentioned he is STRESSED over work could have something to do with watching at that stuff. Could be an outlet. He is correct and kind to you; you should not worry much. But you also you both should address all the previous points. At this point he might feel trust was broken, but you are right about his tastes in fantasies might be a bit harsh. But also you gotta find out if you care enough about him to help him explore better outlets in BDSM or if it is incompatible with your values and tastes. BDSM is NOT about Snuff, drugging partners, or unconsensual stuff. Also please remember the movie/porn industry caters to fantasy and effects are realistic, yet actors are protraying scenes. But also his appeal to the extreme stuff is what should be addressed. But also remember fanatsies are just that and porn while offensive; it is an outlet of stress to some people. SO consider all the points and how they affect you and how do you want to deal in this type of relation or not.
If youa re scared something might happen to you and he might want to do that stuff with you; address that with him. Maybe there are better fantasies for you both, but you need to talk about it.
You both need to talk HONESTLY about your likes and desires and see if there is a middle ground you both can be happy. There is MUCH under BDSM that could perhaps suit you both and satisfy you.
If you have questions on further details or more details on what to do please be more detailed and will try to help you more at lenght.
