Expert: arani_CsA - 8/24/2007

Question
Hello There,

I am in a monogamous relationship with a wonderful woman. We both enjoy playing around with various forms of D/s, but after a  couple of years of experimenting have run into a bit of a wall. We are unable to find a way to make a scene last longer than an hour.

I am very effective at sending my girlfriend into sub-space, and she enjoys it. The problem is she always "snaps out of it" after about an hour. We would like to do longer scenes, but we don't know how to hold her in sub space for a longer time.

Is it a matter of my skill? Am I doing something wrong as a dom? I'm worried I may be rushing scenes, but she gets impatient when there is too much waiting around without any, "active" things going on.

Is it a matter of personality and temperament? Are some people simply better designed for long term scenes?

Is it just a matter of practice?

Any advice you can provide would be much appreciated!

Thank you,
-Roger

Answer
Hello...

Thank you for an intersting and thought-provoking answer.  However, I would like a little more information before I can give you a complete answer.

First of all, what kind of play are you and your girlfriend using?  What is she actually experiencing when she is in sub-space?  And what is she looking for in the way of sensations?

Most of the time, when my husband/Master and I play, our scenes rarely last longer than an hour.  However, I go so deeply into sub-space that I stay there for about 3 days afterward.

Part of it has to do with the intensity of the scene.  And by more intense, I don't mean that you have to hit her harder.  It has to do with the entire environment, the preparation as well as the scene itself and any aftercare that is provided.

You may already be aware that there are different levels of subspace.  (If not, I'd like to refer you to a very excellent article, at http://www.steel-door.com/Sub_Space.html)  Please note that the latter part of this article contains some very strong cautions about experimenting with subspace.

When I go into subspace, I typically go into what is described as Blonde Space.  I lose all comprehension of what is going on, and sometimes only hear surrounding voices and noises as at a distance.  I literally could not use my safeword, even if I wanted to.  I lose almost all connection with reality.  (When a submissive/bottom goes this far down, the Dominant/Top has to be very protective of her safety, because she has lost the ability to do so.)

Now, not every submissive will respond in the same way, or reach the same level of subspace.  Personally, I start to go into space long before the actual scene starts, when I prepare myself physically for what is to come, and then while I wait patiently (usually blind-folded) as I wait for Master to make his preparations.  And I don't like much aftercare.  I prefer to sit quietly, savoring the sensations and coming down slowly.  I will usually start to tremble, sometimes quite violently, and may cry -- not from pain or fear, but as a form of release.  Master usually sees to it that I have access to water when I'm able to drink it.

Again, if you could give me a little more information, I would be glad to do what I can to help.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius