Expert: arani_CsA - 12/10/2007

Question
QUESTION: well, i have a new girlfriend, and she is very much into the scene...ive always been interested, but never had the opertunity...the most ive playd with were fake handcuffs lol. i was wondering how i might be able to pleasure her, and be her master, i dont know a lot about bondage,but i have a nice and active immagination...so i think i could pull something out of my ass nad make it fun, at least for me. but i want it to be fun for us both.

ANSWER: Hello...

Thanks for coming to me with your question.  I hope I can help you find the answer you are looking for.

It's great that you want to have fun, but you also need to be careful about being safe.  Some S/m play activities can be very dangerous if not done correctly.  And, as a Master, you need to have your sub's safety in mind at all times.

If you have not already done so, I suggest that you do some reading about the lifestyle.  Do this with your girlfriend, so that you can talk about these things together.  Spend some time learning what kind of activities she likes to do, and also why she is drawn to this life.  There are some questionnaires available where you can both put down which play practices you have had experience with, which ones you might be interested in trying, and also which you do not want to do.  Comparing your interests and experiences in this way can give you a good idea of where to start in your own play.

A good Master always has his sub's welfare in mind.  Remember, when you have her tied up and under your control, you quite literally are holding her life in your hands.  You need to learn the signals her body gives off when she has had too much, for when caught up in things she may not be able to recognize it herself.  Be sure you know her limits, and also that she is able to use a safeword.  Push those limits, yes, but know when too much is too much.

I would also suggest that the two of you find a BDSM group that meets in your area to get involved with.  You can find a listing of such groups, by state, at www.drkdesyre.com.  These groups have regular meetings, or munches, where you can talk to others in the lifestyle, watch what they do together, and learn from them.  Most groups will also have play parties, where you can have the opportunity to see various tools and practices in action.  Be aware that most groups will be a bit cautious of newcomers, due to privacy issues.

Here are some other good sites to learn from:
http://www.castlerealm.com
http://www.leathernroses.com
http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html

Good luck, and if you have any further questions feel fre e to bring them to me.  And please remember to leave feedback on my answer.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: wow, thank you, she and i have been talking today, were both off today and i thank you so very much for your answer. ive always remember any lovers' welfare, i didnt know there was so much in store,and at stake fore being a master. there is a fine line i see between pleasure and pain, weve been talking about that too. thanks a ton! i do have another question however...lol, how does one tie knots?

Answer
Hello...

I'm glad I could be of help.  Yes, being a Master can be a lot of fun, but it is also a lot of work and a great responsibility.  But I have to say that the feeling of being totally owned is a wonderful feeling, and I suspect that your girlfriend would say the same thing, if she has ever had a Master before.  Think of it like owning an expensive sports car.  You have spent all of this time looking for just the right car, and spent a lot of money on it.  Wouldn't you be sure to take very good care of that car, keep it well-maintained, wash it regularly, and be very cautious of who you let drive it?  And how much more would you take care of a human being who consents to belong to you?

I love rope bondage.  There are some very simple ties, and also some very complicated and beautiful ones.  Again, the best way to learn is to actually watch someone who knows what he's doing.  My Master and I were actually able to attend an all-day workshop on the subject, and learned a lot.  At the time, I had hair down to my bottom, and he learned how to weave my hair into a "rope dress."  Very erotic!  If you become active in one of the local BDSM groups I mentioned before, hopefully they will have someone you can learn from.  Or, sometimes groups will pool their resources to bring in an expert.

Here are some good tutorial sites:
http://www.nawashibari.com/techniques/index02.html
http://www.bdsm-chicago.com/cram/CRAM_tuts.html
http://www.ropefashions.com/index.php

Spend some time going over the directions, and practice tying the different knots on your own.  I think you and your girlfriend would have quite a bit of fun experimenting with the different techniques.  But, as always, be careful.  You might want to have a knife or a pair of scissors handy, in case something happens and you can't get the knots loose.  Try some cheap rope at first, but make sure it is soft enough that it won't chafe your girlfriend's skin.

Again, good luck.  If you have further questions, be sure to let me know.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius