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BDSM/Questions Answered by Expert CougarDomme
| Subject | Date Asked |
| vanilla partner in submissive relationship with Dom | 1/14/2010 |
| Q: I am a female who has been in a vanilla relationship with a female partner for 13 years. She has ... A: So much really depends on the relationship you have with your partner. BDSM can be a separate part ... | |
| Introducing BDSM Into an Existing Relationship | 12/15/2009 |
| Q: I have been with my partner for several years. My partner has told me that they want to experiment ... A: The vast majority of BDSM practitioners lead perfectly normal vanilla lifestyles outside the bedroom ... | |
| please suggest some severe punishment methods | 11/19/2009 |
| Q: ... I am a married lady of age 25. My husband's age is also the same. We are living in India. I am a ... A: Hot sauce won't injure him permanently but it is quite severe. As long as he does not swallow feces ... | |
| please suggest some severe punishment methods | 11/16/2009 |
| Q: ... I am a married lady of age 25. My husband's age is also the same. We are living in India. I am a ... A: You are already a bit in the extreme and if you keep up the way you are going, he will learn to ... | |
| My boyfriend is into BDSM and i am not. | 11/16/2009 |
| Q: Ive been dating this guy for about a month, and when he mentioned BDSM ( on the very first few ... A: If he's hard-wired into it as are most, you can save yourself a lot of grief by ending the ... | |
| Cutting | 11/8/2009 |
| Q: I have been thinking of experimenting with cutting, well I want to. However never having done this ... A: Tanning "leatherizes" the skin which makes it less supple and more prone to damage. You can put ... | |
| Cutting | 11/6/2009 |
| Q: I have been thinking of experimenting with cutting, well I want to. However never having done this ... A: You allow her to tan? Use of a surgical scalpel will definitely minimize scarring because the blade ... | |
| needles | 11/6/2009 |
| Q: I spent two days looking for you, someone that is qualified to give me advice :) I am relatively ... A: Stay FAR away from the spine. You can leave the needles in place for pretty much as long as you feel ... | |
| needles | 11/6/2009 |
| Q: I spent two days looking for you, someone that is qualified to give me advice :) I am relatively ... A: You should really be using sterile hypodermic needles that come in SIZES that increase pain rather ... | |
| Rosebud Sounds | 10/23/2009 |
| Q: I have some experience with Van Buren sounds and catheters for cath play. I read some glowing ... A: It's a technique that they teach people that complete an MSN degree--like I did. I give demos at ... | |
| Please guide | 9/28/2009 |
| Q: First of all, Sorry my english is not fluent. Please be kind enough to read and guide us. I am from ... A: You can buy these books at www.Amazon.com and you will find them helpful. The Loving Dominant BDSM ... | |
| Please guide | 9/27/2009 |
| Q: First of all, Sorry my english is not fluent. Please be kind enough to read and guide us. I am from ... A: Femdom is not about pain as much as it's about control. Fem-doms are LOVING and only use pain as ... | |
| Female Supremacist lifestyle and son | 9/18/2009 |
| Q: My husband/sub and I have been in a wonderful relationship for about ten years now. We live a ... A: First, you need to realize that he may NOT be submissive by nature and the things that your husband ... | |
| Vanilla, with a Slave fiance' | 8/29/2009 |
| Q: I am a Vanilla male, new to the lifestyle. I have been introduced to it by my Slave fiance', who has ... A: Your relationahip with her has virtually no chance of succeeding unless you get in to the BDSM ... | |
| new to bdsm | 8/28/2009 |
| Q: Hey CougarDomme, my girl has asked me if i would be willing to let her handcuff me and other ... A: Both will happen. You will be feminized for her amusement and then it will move on to cuckolding. ... | |
| Emotional Masochism or Defiance | 8/28/2009 |
| Q: I'm new to BDSM, but the main reason I love it is because of the emotional hurt I feel during BDSM. ... A: BDSM relationships are like vanilla relationships in many ways--it is still a personality match and ... | |
| want to be a DOM | 8/4/2009 |
| Q: i am with a new chick she is into bsdm she is a bottom i want to learn how to be a tom so i can be ... A: Read some books. You also need to stop immediately with this other guy--he's not a dom, he's simply ... | |
| Dealing with the outside world's view of me | 7/4/2009 |
| Q: I will start with a little background on my relationship before asking my question. I met my Daddy ... A: Ask them "Why do you want to know?" with a smile when they ask why you aren't married and ask them ... | |
| unsure about my relationship | 6/29/2009 |
| Q: My names Kat and I'm 19, and I've been with my boy friend for over 3 years now. 2 years ago i ... A: Kat, BDSM is hard wired into us, and while others may dabble in it, the ones among us who are ... | |
| questions abought slaves or sub | 6/25/2009 |
| Q: ok so i am a learning master for my sub/slave i am working on hre being honist abought her feelings ... A: She is doing that thing called topping from the bottom. You are the Master, not her. She either ... | |
| Not sure if new Boyfriend is lying about emotions and BDSM | 6/24/2009 |
| Q: I've been dating a guy a little over and month now, and I'm not sure what to think at this point. ... A: You are not overreacting. People in this lifestyle are hardwired so if he's looking for this and ... | |
| I have a Daddy's Little Girl Fetish and I want my husband to FOR REAL discipline spank me | 6/22/2009 |
| Q: I have a Daddy's Little Girl fetish. To make a long story short, I want my husband to discipline me ... A: http://www.ne-ds.org/home.htm That's the website you need to go to and join that group. Go to some ... | |
| I have a Daddy's Little Girl Fetish and I want my husband to FOR REAL discipline spank me | 6/22/2009 |
| Q: I have a Daddy's Little Girl fetish. To make a long story short, I want my husband to discipline me ... A: You need to join a local group so that he will know he's not the only one and you two aren't the ... | |
| The come down? | 6/17/2009 |
| Q: I got this email from a new submissive that I'm training...I would like to help her thru what I here ... A: She's got the right mindset, you just need to give her some instruction on what you want her to do ... | |
| ending a relationship | 5/11/2009 |
| Q: I was involved in my first bdsm relationship and have found that it must end. For various reasons, ... A: You give her back her collar if you have one and you move out if you live with her, the same as any ... | |
| finding a slave | 5/9/2009 |
| Q: .after a long time on collar me site, I see nothing but a bunch of idiots, players, and scam ... A: I met my husband/alpha through collar me, in addition to a lot of very cool people, so I have a ... | |
| Worshipping my wife | 5/5/2009 |
| Q: i'm sorry for disturbing your majesty. My wife is a dominant woman she wants me to worship her by ... A: I didn't say it was an insult, I said it was an inappropriate way to address me which it is because ... | |
| Worshipping my wife | 5/5/2009 |
| Q: i'm sorry for disturbing your majesty. My wife is a dominant woman she wants me to worship her by ... A: If you both enjoy it then it's perfectly normal. Each couple has to decide what works for them and ... | |
| Mind play | 5/4/2009 |
| Q: I am in a great relationship with a guy and i love to dominate him i find the physical part pretty ... A: It sounds like your sub is into what's commonly referred to as a 'mind fuck' and some of them can be ... | |
| Mistress/slave Relationships | 5/3/2009 |
| Q: I have been active in the lifestyle for 10 years. I consider myself to be a loving dominant. I ... A: Your slave is topping from the bottom and it's unacceptable. I'm assuming that you haven't punished ... | |
| Punishment | 5/1/2009 |
| Q: I am new to this, but i am a Master/Dom looking for ways to punish my slave/sub. i say it like this ... A: I can't help but laugh at an email from someone who claims not to be stupid or ignorant and claims ... | |
| Punishment | 4/30/2009 |
| Q: I am new to this, but i am a Master/Dom looking for ways to punish my slave/sub. i say it like this ... A: You need to learn a LOT more about the whole BDSM scene before you even THINK about punishing your ... | |
| Wearing Collar vs Collared | 4/14/2009 |
| Q: What is the difference. I am in conversations with a female sub on the net. I am interested in ... A: In the scene, a collar is like a wedding ring and a collaring ceremony is as respected and revered ... | |
| Am I being abused verbally and emotionally? | 3/31/2009 |
| Q: I am new to the whole D/s scene... I am 29/f/sub with a 54/M/Dom. I have a question for you but ... A: Get rid of him. There's no future in loving a married man. Having an affair when you are married ... | |
| may I ask my Master to punish me? | 3/29/2009 |
| Q: I've done something terrible and deserve to be punished. really, truly... I am new to this and made ... A: You can ask and see what he says/does. Many masters dislike to punish a slave that really likes it ... | |
| Controling a male slave, when he is at work | 3/10/2009 |
| Q: Hey. I am looking for some tips on how to control my male slave, when he is at work. And also on how ... A: I'd use a chastity device. They are wonderful for enforcing your dominance over your slave and they ... | |
| new | 3/10/2009 |
| Q: How can i get my partner to be more dominant? I am in a relationship and am the submissive of the ... A: Tell her that you are not going to let her INJURE you--you're not insane. She doesn't seem to be ... | |
| shocked | 2/9/2009 |
| Q: I've recently started dating a man and we've really hit it off. He's handsome, smart, funny, rich ... A: Tara, This "man" (and I am using that only as a gender reference) would not be welcome in the BDSM ... | |
| collar protocol | 2/4/2009 |
| Q: I recently removed my slave's collar before bed, due to neck pain and did not attempt to replace it ... A: Well, she's overreacting, but the collar is a very very important symbol to many--almost like a ... | |
| New to this lifestyle/ a bit confused | 2/3/2009 |
| Q: I'm in a farily new (5+ months now)relationship. I have fallen deeply in love with my lover, and up ... A: NOTHING is essential in this lifestyle, not pain, bisexuality, humiliation, only if you like it and ... | |
| New to this lifestyle/ a bit confused | 2/1/2009 |
| Q: I'm in a farily new (5+ months now)relationship. I have fallen deeply in love with my lover, and up ... A: It's about control much more than pain--do you love me enough to do this for me is a huge part of ... | |
| things changing | 2/1/2009 |
| Q: i know that many say that a Dom/sub relationship cant work online. ive been in a relationship with ... A: It's not a real relationship!! It's online and I'd bet my life that your wonderful dom is really ... | |
| things changing | 1/31/2009 |
| Q: i know that many say that a Dom/sub relationship cant work online. ive been in a relationship with ... A: No, he's a lying cheating scumbag, leave your collar and dump his lying cheating ass!! NOTHING is ... | |
| Sub Space | 1/8/2009 |
| Q: I am a novice Dominate working with my wife only. I can't seem to get her into sub-space. I tend ... A: Dominate is what you do, dominant is what you are. Not using the correct term will make you a ... | |
| switch and bdsm | 1/7/2009 |
| Q: i am in this relationship with a man. we love eachother deeply and we are both switches. he has had ... A: There are no real rules to this, just have a good time with each other and enjoy your play sessions! ... | |
| meet an online guy | 12/29/2008 |
| Q: I've "met" this guy online, we've sent a couple of mails back and forth and we seem to match but so ... A: OK, let's start with the fact that virtually everyone online lies about their age, height, weight, ... | |
| castration | 12/25/2008 |
| Q: I am 45 year old man that is slave to my wife. I am wearing chastity devices all the time and never ... A: First, you are not going to be able to find any licensed MD who will, without your having cancer of ... | |
| Online training | 12/19/2008 |
| Q: If you met a sub wannabe online who has the right attitude & wants to be trained but you're ... A: Online training is a JOKE perpetuated by idiots and no one who is really in the scene participates ... | |
| New | 12/17/2008 |
| Q: I have recently been introduced to the world of D/s. We are both new to this so tend to get a bit ... A: Yes, you are lucky to have a sub like this and your desires are right along the lines of a great ... | |
| poly households with children | 11/27/2008 |
| Q: Can a poly household work were the Domme is allowed others and the subs are exclusive to her. If she ... A: Not having a crystal ball, I am unable to take a peek into the future, but there are a lot of ... | |
| Is she sub? | 11/24/2008 |
| Q: My wife says she has submissive desires and wants me to dominate her. She enjoys being flogged and ... A: Your wife isn't being submissive, she's topping from the bottom so to speak. She has no desire to ... | |
| From online to life | 11/24/2008 |
| Q: I am a newbie at this and my Master wishes us to met in person for the 1st time we have been doing ... A: Online training is a joke and most Dom/mes that do online are vastly different in real life. Set up ... | |
| 3 way S&M session | 11/15/2008 |
| Q: I am a relatively new Dom but have had quite a few sessions on on one with people and it has worked ... A: Without knowing and negotiating his scene and limits, there's not a lot I can do for you--I'm flying ... | |
| No longer with risque female | 10/21/2008 |
| Q: I used to date a female that was into fighting (organized and street-wise) and was into the pain of ... A: It's like anything else, you have to keep looking. I would suggest you join a local BDSM group, go ... | |
| Breaking up slave relationship where babies are in equation... | 10/15/2008 |
| Q: Greetings CougarDomme, I currently have a problem concerning two particular slaves that I am proud ... A: It's very simple, the two slaves get married to each other, and since they are engaged, I fail to ... | |
| getting in too deep | 10/14/2008 |
| Q: I have started to build a strong relationship with my Master, i have only known him for a couple of ... A: NOTHING is essential in this lifestyle, not pain, bisexuality, humiliation, only if you like it and ... | |
| online subbies | 10/12/2008 |
| Q: i have been with my Master for 5 years now. he tells me he has no online subbies however i have now ... A: NOTHING is essential in this lifestyle, not pain, bisexuality, humiliation, only if you like it and ... | |
| New to BDSM | 10/9/2008 |
| Q: I am a new Domme with a newbie slaveboy. We have both been interested the BDSM scene but never ... A: NOTHIHNG is essential in this lifestyle, not pain, bisexuality, humiliation, only if you like it and ... | |
| Mentors-local community? | 10/6/2008 |
| Q: My dom and I are fairly new to the lifestyle, we've been involved and discovering together for about ... A: http://www.impacthome.com This is a group in TN, go to their website for membership info, they seem ... | |
| Mentors-local community? | 10/6/2008 |
| Q: My dom and I are fairly new to the lifestyle, we've been involved and discovering together for about ... A: If you can tell me what area you are in, I will hook you up with the right people to mentor you. ... | |
| cbt advice | 10/6/2008 |
| Q: i have a high pain threshold which i know is dangerous in some ways; cd You pass specific comment on ... A: CBT is in many ways a creative venture, there are always toys and new ways to play. I don't ... | |
| cbt | 10/5/2008 |
| Q: i have a Dom male friend who is very keen to develop my experience and tolerance of cbt. I am eager ... A: You should not insert anything into your penis that is not sterile. Sounds play is fine as long as ... | |
| Polly house hold | 10/3/2008 |
| Q: It has been Master and I for the last 8 month in the last 2 month she has asked me to find a bi ... A: NOTHING is essential in this lifestyle, not pain, bisexuality, humiliation, only if you like it and ... | |
| Polly house hold | 10/3/2008 |
| Q: It has been Master and I for the last 8 month in the last 2 month she has asked me to find a bi ... A: What this means is that you are the Alpha sub. You are the Mistress of the other three girls and you ... | |
| Help for a Friend | 9/14/2008 |
| Q: It recently came out to my friend that I am a sub. He has consequently expressed interest in BDSM to ... A: You can have him do some reading on the subject and learn since he is going to have a tough time. ... | |
| Loving Domme | 8/29/2008 |
| Q: I am a bit lost on this one. I am new to the lifestyle. I am a domme and recently met a sub ... A: Go to Amazon.com and order this book: The Loving Dominant it will tell you everything you need to ... | |
| top training | 8/26/2008 |
| Q: I am brand new to BDSM. I am dating an old school switch, wondering where I could go for lessons so ... A: You should join a lifestyle group and learn from the group and the play parties. I learned an awful ... | |
| "public announcements" | 8/17/2008 |
| Q: How does one go about letting selected people know that he or she desires to serve in the ... A: You join a local group, go to some munches and meet people in the scene. Wearing a pink collar ... | |
| Long distance service | 8/16/2008 |
| Q: Ma'am, i just asked the question but gave the wrong email, it is as above. please accept my apology. ... A: Long distance relationships do not work even when both parties are single. Both of you are cheating ... | |
| Long distance | 8/16/2008 |
| Q: My Mistress is a married Woman who lives 800 miles from me. i have known her for many years, ... A: Long distance relationships do not work even when both parties are single. Both of you are cheating ... | |
| new online relationship | 7/13/2008 |
| Q: Just a few weeks into the online world of BDSM - registered at bondage.com forum as a bottom and was ... A: I'm scared for you sweetie!! Please email me and I will be happy to guide you to the right sort of ... | |
| Rewards & Punishments | 6/26/2008 |
| Q: I am in a D/s relationship that is not M/s, though we are incorporating some behaviour modification ... A: Let your imagination run wild. You can get some books to read on the subject at Amazon.com, I've ... | |
| my fantasy | 6/25/2008 |
| Q: i sometimes think about sounding. is it ruff if not how do i start? it looks interesting A: It can be very stimulating, but you can also rupture the urethra which can cause you to bleed to ... | |
| Pro domme | 6/20/2008 |
| Q: I really want to find out how does one start off as a professional Domme?? I have thought about ... A: You can't even spell or compose a coherent sentence. You are an uneducated piece of trailer trash ... | |
| Pro domme | 6/19/2008 |
| Q: I really want to find out how does one start off as a professional Domme?? I have thought about ... A: Forgive me, but I'm going to be blunt and direct.This isn't a vocation, it's a calling. You ... | |
| Pro domme | 6/13/2008 |
| Q: I really want to find out how does one start off as a professional Domme?? I have thought about ... A: Some dommes take trainees, some don't. The best thing is to go to events and watch and learn and ask ... | |
| grin | 6/12/2008 |
| Q: At school, everyone knows me as a sweet, innocent, kind, friendly, fun girl. I'm also a virgin. So ... A: Honey, this is the 21st century. Women have come a long way since the prim and proper 40's when if ... | |
| Dom registry? | 6/9/2008 |
| Q: Now, I was speaking to someone the other day, and they mentioned to me about how their friend is a ... A: I've never heard of such a thing as a registered Dom in the 25 years I've been in the scene, it ... | |
| My new sub's foot fetish | 5/14/2008 |
| Q: Greetings CougarDomme, I have a new sub boyfriend whom I care for very deeply, I was in a previous ... A: Carla, Each relationship, even in the vanilla world, is constantly being redefined and renegotiated. ... | |
| developing relationship with wife | 5/13/2008 |
| Q: I've recently introduced my wife to the idea of spanking me to help me behave more to her liking. ... A: You need to go slow with her so that her interest continues to develop. She's not hard-wired like ... | |
| new to this | 5/11/2008 |
| Q: hey i am new at the whole bdsm thing i have never tired it before and i trust the person that i am ... A: 16 is much too young to be with anyone much less someone who is so young that they also cannot ... | |
BDSM
Answers by Expert:
CougarDomme
Top Expert on this page
Expertise
I can answer any question about BDSM in practice, theory or relationships
Experience
I have been in the BDSM scene for 25 years. I am a prodomme with a specialty of medical play. I give demonstrations on safe, sane and consensual play in the area of play: sounds, needle play, medical,saline infusions,sterile procedure,fisting,fire,knife and RACK edge play.
Organizations
FLOG (St.Louis) Leather and Lace (St. Louis) Amatorius (Virginia) Black Rose (DC)Wicked (Raleigh NC)
Education/Credentials
I have a Master's degree in Nursing
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