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BDSM/Questions Answered by Expert Robert Rubel
| Subject | Date Asked |
| my Master and i have broken up | 1/27/2012 |
| Q: .. please help if possible.. my only M/s realationship has ended..this may sound pathetic but im ... A: Pardon the delay; was out of town this weekend. I understand the struggle and the trauma. M/s ... | |
| Learning BDSM | 1/11/2012 |
| Q: Through my past sexual experiences I've discovered that I'm very submissive and like pain and what ... A: Liss -- I'm 67. To hear you say that you have had very little facetime with him and it's an ... | |
| one more question | 1/9/2012 |
| Q: rubel, My wife and i have recently decided to take our relationship into the direction of bdsm. she ... A: First, either you are in charge or she is in charge. If you are in charge and ask her to reveal ... | |
| please add me to your notifications list | 1/8/2012 |
| Q: rubel, My wife and i have recently decided to take our relationship into the direction of bdsm. she ... A: Keith... If you'll send me an email to PowerExchangeEditor@yahoo.com I'll send you a list of ... | |
| VERY confused and sad | 1/5/2012 |
| Q: I am so fed up with D/s at the moment that I am thinking about quitting it and never going back. I ... A: I'm not sure that you'll like my answer. As preface, I'm 67 and have been in a Master/slave ... | |
| Choosing a Slave Name | 12/30/2011 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I have recently decided to become involved in a M/s relationship, and we are fairly ... A: Ah, okay. Got it, thanks for writing back. My second wife was so mad at her ex that she decided to ... | |
| Choosing a Slave Name | 12/26/2011 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I have recently decided to become involved in a M/s relationship, and we are fairly ... A: Crystal, or is it slave crystal? The very fact that he's asked you to name yourself suggests that ... | |
| advice | 12/25/2011 |
| Q: i am a body slave my master bought me and my contract coast him a lot and i have been with him for a ... A: slave liam, There are a number of "answers" to your question, but -- unfortunately -- they either ... | |
| can a master &I slave both be married to other people &I make it work? | 12/19/2011 |
| Q: My master is married as well. Neither of our spouses are aware of our m/s relationship. We both want ... A: Ack! Well, I know of a stable structure here in Austin where Master and slave are married to ... | |
| I Want My Husband To Piss On Me | 12/15/2011 |
| Q: Me and my husband have been married for quite a while now and we have a very healthy sex life. ... A: I think you're looking for what are called "scenes". In the world of BDSM (bondage, discipline, ... | |
| Submission to husband and others | 12/14/2011 |
| Q: I have always been interested in being dominated by men. It started out in High School when I dated ... A: Wow! You're an absolutely 1000% ideal candidate for the world I live in, the world of BDSM with its ... | |
| thanks for help! | 12/11/2011 |
| Q: I really am very grateful for ur help! I have noone to talk about all this BDSM stuff and u are the ... A: Very welcome. Thank YOU for being open minded and flexible enough to be able to make use of my ... | |
| help! again... | 12/7/2011 |
| Q: Robert! I am a masochist girl. Any time after playing rough games with my sadist, he refuses to ... A: Hmmmm.. Very thought-provoking idea. I would not generalize that all Doms are therefore lacking ... | |
| How should I tell my vanilla fiance I want to do BDSM with him? | 12/4/2011 |
| Q: I'm going to go ahead and apologize for such a long story, it's crucial for myI've been in a ... A: Ack! Well, you're starting out a marriage with a severe difference in how you want to be pleased. ... | |
| help! | 11/21/2011 |
| Q: sorry, I forgot to ask u, is it possible for a dom to have any feelings for a sub? can a sadist love ... A: Mercury... Whether or not one person loves another is a separate variable from whether or not they ... | |
| help! | 11/21/2011 |
| Q: Robert! I am a masochist girl. Any time after playing rough games with my sadist, he refuses to ... A: Ah, you've opened up different ideas for me. This helps. There is "top-drop" as much as there is ... | |
| help! | 11/21/2011 |
| Q: Robert! I am a masochist girl. Any time after playing rough games with my sadist, he refuses to ... A: Ack! Well -- relationships succeed or fail for all kinds of reasons. If he fulfills you in many ... | |
| In Need of Advice | 11/9/2011 |
| Q: Sir, I am a submissive. I have been with my dominant for almost a year now. I have never been in a ... A: Kira - thanks for writing... Well, some people say that they are dominant but lack the leadership ... | |
| new submissive and dom | 10/29/2011 |
| Q: Your expertise in communication glitches would be very useful for my boyfriend and me so i would ... A: I have been typing to you for nearly an hour and just lost the whole thing. I'm sorry, but I simply ... | |
| BDSM Relationships | 10/6/2011 |
| Q: I am a male in a strong relationship with a female. We are monogamous as far as a sexual ... A: Dave... An initial comment as I was reading your note is that there is a massive difference between ... | |
| good free sites | 10/1/2011 |
| Q: .just asking if you happen to know any good free sites for finding a female sub or slave? collar me ... A: Actually, no. There is no specific site where trained "real life" slaves would hang out. There is ... | |
| love&commiment n a BDSM relationship | 9/6/2011 |
| Q: Mr.Rubel i have always known i was different & needed a different relationship to b happy but until ... A: Lavator -- Go on to www.Fetlife.com (free) and put the name of your city in the search box. You'll ... | |
| Feeling comfortable | 8/27/2011 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a year and we've been dabbling in the bdsm world ... A: Jess... Here is the reading list that I recommend... Books if You’re Just Starting Out in BDSM ... | |
| Question about what to do if my husband has ceased being my master | 8/22/2011 |
| Q: I have been married to my husband for 6 years, in the beginning of our courtship and marriage it was ... A: Sarah -- Very sorry to hear of this. The fact that he equates D/s with degrading you is ... | |
| Does my dom have no respect for me or am I being unreasonable? | 8/20/2011 |
| Q: I've been with my dom for 7 months. I have quite a few issues with jealousy and trust. Before I even ... A: Lila -- My reply depends upon whether you're in a Dom/sub or a Master/slave relationship. As you ... | |
| D/s M/s clarification and guidance sought | 8/19/2011 |
| Q: I have read many of your posts and have greatly admired your responses thus am seeking your insight ... A: I understand that you don't want me to reply. Trouble is, this "AllExperts" system will keep ... | |
| My inexperienced master | 8/11/2011 |
| Q: after having read through your previous answers, I am hopefull that you can help me. I recently told ... A: Wow! REALLY hard question. First, if there is ANY WAY that you can attend the Master/slave ... | |
| Struggling with my submission | 8/6/2011 |
| Q: I am a new submissive. I had a Dom for about a year. I now have a Master for over a year now. ... A: We're discussing this in a non-private setting. Mind re-contacting me and click on "private" so I ... | |
| Struggling with my submission | 8/6/2011 |
| Q: I am a new submissive. I had a Dom for about a year. I now have a Master for over a year now. ... A: Relationships are really hard to understand from the outside. My initial reaction is to ask whether ... | |
| Lost trust in my Dominant | 8/3/2011 |
| Q: Bob, I have been in a D/s relationship (non-leather) with my Dominant since mid-December. We were ... A: You're very welcome. My second wife declined to stop drinking and was never able to do the fourth ... | |
| Lost trust in my Dominant | 7/30/2011 |
| Q: Bob, I have been in a D/s relationship (non-leather) with my Dominant since mid-December. We were ... A: Please pardon the delay in replying. I'm on vacation and missed the notice that I had a question in ... | |
| M/s relationship and children | 6/27/2011 |
| Q: Bob - from reading what you've written, I think you can help me with my questions. After toying with ... A: Elizabeth... Thanks for your patience with me about answering you... Now back from Alaska. I'd ... | |
| Leather vs Non-leather? | 6/19/2011 |
| Q: and thank you for taking the time to read my question. I'll start off by saying that I am 18, and ... A: BabyDoll, This is (again) a quick note letting you know that I'm in Alaska all week with VERY ... | |
| Control | 6/12/2011 |
| Q: Nearly a year ago, I approached my husband about developing our relationship into that of a Dom/sub ... A: A "Master" takes a while to develop. In the "Leather" world, it can easily take ten years. In my ... | |
| 17 and submissive | 6/10/2011 |
| Q: So I'm 17 and I know I'm submissive, what I don't know is how to deal with it. I know that no one ... A: Megan (one of my favorite names)... Please do some study/research into the difference between ... | |
| How to tell is a Dom is serious about D/s relationship | 6/8/2011 |
| Q: I'm a newbie sub, only in the lifestyle for 3 months. I met a wonderful fellow on-line and we played ... A: I'm a national presenter for things kinky -- mostly Master/slave relationships. I know ... | |
| How to tell is a Dom is serious about D/s relationship | 6/8/2011 |
| Q: I'm a newbie sub, only in the lifestyle for 3 months. I met a wonderful fellow on-line and we played ... A: Mika -- As in "played" through the Internet or in real life? Over and over one hears about ... | |
| Help...please | 5/26/2011 |
| Q: I have been in a long-distance Master Slave relationship or over a year now, I met my master through ... A: I apologize for the delayed reply -- I've been on a business trip and am just back. All ... | |
| M/s protocols, General boundaries | 5/24/2011 |
| Q: My name is Paul. I've been very curious about the BDSM lifestyle. Mostly about the boundaries of M/s ... A: Paul... I'm the author of a four-book set on Master/slave relations. I'd strongly suggest that you ... | |
| My new son... | 5/14/2011 |
| Q: I have been blessed with a new son in recent month and he tries very hard to please Mommy, but needs ... A: Hmmmm.... You're waayyyyy outside my area of competence. I live in the world of Leather ... | |
| punishments | 4/25/2011 |
| Q: Greetings Sir/Master Robert, Sorry I normally greet that way because each person prefers to be ... A: sam, You can call me Bob. We're all just folks. Thank you for the courtesy of your opening line, ... | |
| Confused | 4/18/2011 |
| Q: Sorry to bother you again this will be the last I feel as I'm nearly there. Thank you for your ... A: Sher, If he lives in your city, can't you check him out through mutual friends? Is he not in the ... | |
| Confused | 4/15/2011 |
| Q: Sorry to bother you again this will be the last I feel as I'm nearly there. Thank you for your ... A: Sher... This isn't the way that I train so I'm not sure I'm the guy to ask. I train by assuming ... | |
| Confused | 4/8/2011 |
| Q: I am new to the lifestyle I met my Master on a regular dating web site I was not looking for this ... A: Pardon my delay in getting back with you. Had prepared an answer and my computer crashed and I lost ... | |
| Confused | 4/7/2011 |
| Q: I am new to the lifestyle I met my Master on a regular dating web site I was not looking for this ... A: Sher, First and foremost in a Master/slave (M/s) relationship is Master's responsibility only to ... | |
| New to this | 4/4/2011 |
| Q: My new hook-up is a sub, and very interested in rape fantasies. I'm new to this, and really want to ... A: Sam, thanks for writing... Sensitive area. I'd as her WHY she wants this scene. Motivation? Just ... | |
| lost control: new to practicing lifestyle | 3/25/2011 |
| Q: I've been in this relationship for 4 months now and she wants me to dominate her and make her my ... A: Vladimir -- You have one of my more favorite names. First heard it in the song "Darcy Farrow". I ... | |
| relationship status question | 3/14/2011 |
| Q: I would say that I have experience as a submissive. I am beginning a D/s relationship. I am not ... A: Odalisque, No, not the same as M/s. Usually. All relationship structures are unique to the ... | |
| Setting up puninshments | 3/8/2011 |
| Q: My Girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half about 3 months in we started a M/s ... A: I'm the author of a four-book set on Master/slave Relations. You might wish to read the following ... | |
| sancturaies | 3/2/2011 |
| Q: My gf just moved in with me and found some of my old bondage ropes and such and wants to use them ... A: Ryan... Master Z of Chicago runs The Leather Sins Center (or a name very close to that with "sins" ... | |
| BDSM protocol in vanilla public | 2/21/2011 |
| Q: I am a switch (I do not identify as leather) and pretty new the world of BDSM. I now have my first ... A: Andrew... I apologize for the delay in replying; I was up in Edmonton, Alberta (Canada) since last ... | |
| How do I start being a Dom Husband? | 2/18/2011 |
| Q: My wife is 13 years older, and really wants me to dominate her sexually, and I really like the sound ... A: Isaac... I apologize for the delayed reply. I've been up in Edmonton, Canada at a conference since ... | |
| watching MASTER be dominated | 2/18/2011 |
| Q: slave c has been fortunate enough to have had a MASTER for almost 2 years. When things get intense ... A: c... I apologize for the delayed reply. I've been up in Edmonton, Canada at a conference since ... | |
| love&commiment n a BDSM relationship | 2/13/2011 |
| Q: Mr.Rubel i have always known i was different & needed a different relationship to b happy but until ... A: Lavator, You should be able to "check him out" through mutual friends within the kink community and ... | |
| I'm struggling with the idea of being dominant | 1/17/2011 |
| Q: Good day, Robert Rubel I was hoping you'd be kind enough to give me some advice. I have been ... A: Alexis, I probably am the right person to contact. To a large extent, I'm in your situation. I'm ... | |
| love being caned | 1/13/2011 |
| Q: i have been married for 3 years and would love my wife to take charge @ home, i really feel the need ... A: Well, for starters, it's great that you are so clear about your needs. I have no doubt at all that ... | |
| Help | 1/4/2011 |
| Q: This all new to me i just meet a Dom and i need to know the proper way to be a sub and her behavior ... A: mel... You need to start reading books and looking at websites. If you'll write to me at ... | |
| What do I do when my Master isn't communicating? | 1/1/2011 |
| Q: I am a slave who badly needs advice. Compulsory answers first: In M/s relationship (I think). Not ... A: Catriona... Sorry that you're having these issues come up in your life. Yes, I was still reading ... | |
| roles | 12/29/2010 |
| Q: is it good to let my sub be the master once in awhile? Lately she has been asking or hinting about ... A: Al... You're not changing roles, she'll be serving you by doing what you ask: tying you up. No ... | |
| Want to be a slave | 12/25/2010 |
| Q: Hey so I want to be a sex slave I'm 16 and it's the only thing that gets me turned on being someones ... A: Theresa, You're a bit young for this. You'll be snatched up in a heartbeat if you're not careful ... | |
| needing attention | 11/14/2010 |
| Q: I am new to the M/s lifestyle. I have always been interested, but never pursued it until I met ... A: You are in a very dangerous situation with a person claiming to be a "master" who knows absolutely ... | |
| death of Master | 11/13/2010 |
| Q: Master recently died and i would like some help on how to deal with this in a rational way. He was ... A: Natalia, First, my heart goes out to you profoundly. I'm both Owned and own a slave. If my Owner ... | |
| confused | 11/1/2010 |
| Q: During the last 18 months I have had two Doms. The first I was with for a year and collared after 6 ... A: carolyn, thanks for writing... First, I suspect that the NYPD would be very interested in someone ... | |
| Live-in slave | 10/12/2010 |
| Q: I'm talking online with a potential live-in slave. He seems experienced, was owned by a family and ... A: Lady S, I'd certainly ask him for references -- at least three -- and actually speak with them on ... | |
| Switches is it really possible? | 10/10/2010 |
| Q: Greetings, I met my future wife on line through a dating site. We are both madly in love with each ... A: Well, as all relationships are different, I'd have to join those whom you've already asked. I'm a ... | |
| sex slave | 10/6/2010 |
| Q: my boyfriend has told me he wants to be my sex slave. we have role played some, but i just don't ... A: Mara... He has some fantasy going around in his head about what it is for a woman to be a ... | |
| Under Consideration of Dom with No Time | 10/5/2010 |
| Q: I am a submissive female under consideration of a dom I met in August. We met on Collarme and he ... A: I am soooo glad that you wrote and that I could help. It certainly sounds as though you've found a ... | |
| Under Consideration of Dom with No Time | 9/18/2010 |
| Q: I am a submissive female under consideration of a dom I met in August. We met on Collarme and he ... A: JT... You've landed on one of my hot-buttons. I am VERY, VERY, VERY wary of a Dom who isolates (or ... | |
| Master Titles | 9/14/2010 |
| Q: I'm an experienced sub in a relationship with a very inexperienced dom. The thing is, he has asked ... A: I fully agree with you. I'm a word guy, myself. To give your Dom an idea of why "Master" is ... | |
| lack mof interest from master? | 8/26/2010 |
| Q: i am a begginer slave and my current master is the only one i have ever we have beeen together ... A: slave lillith, It's really impossible for someone outside your relationship to comment. ... | |
| Rituals, procedures | 8/3/2010 |
| Q: I have been reevaluating the relationship that I presently have with my Dom and have an inquiry. We ... A: chibi, Protocols are more associated with Master/slave structures than Dom/sub structures. D/s is ... | |
| Rules | 7/29/2010 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I are currently in an M/s relationship, where he is my Master and I'm his sub. ... A: Stephanie... Actually, I'm the author of the books that I'd recommend to you. • Master/slave ... | |
| want to try a D/s, but boyfriend not sure | 7/29/2010 |
| Q: I've known for quite a while now that I have submissive tendencies, but my current boyfriend has a ... A: Rei, thanks for writing... I'd HIGHLY suggest that you join your local kink club. Google "BDSM" ... | |
| newbie emotions | 7/26/2010 |
| Q: I am faced with something I am sure is very common. I have recently discovered I am a sub/masochist ... A: lynn... I do apologize for this delay. I thought I had answered you, but evidently not! Yes, very ... | |
| Getting the D/s back in the Bedroom | 7/26/2010 |
| Q: My Boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. We met on a type of personal site under ... A: Hey, Brandy... You know a great deal about sex, what pleases you, and how to train a man to satisfy ... | |
| Getting the D/s back in the Bedroom | 7/25/2010 |
| Q: My Boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. We met on a type of personal site under ... A: Wow! What a situation! My initial reaction is that some people are able to portray themselves in ... | |
| When to know if the fantasies are real? | 7/21/2010 |
| Q: I am a hetero female and I have sub fantasies and I don't really know if my desires are real (I ... A: C, Well written, thanks. Our world, and I will say -- it's a very complete subculture -- is ... | |
| Re-earning Collar | 7/20/2010 |
| Q: i am a submissive who's been in this lifestyle for several years. i have been in a D/s relationship ... A: Good morning, adele... First, I'm really sorry for the stress and difficulties that you're going ... | |
| addressing slaves | 7/15/2010 |
| Q: When is it proper to call a slave "girl?' My Master refers to me as "girl." I thought that was his ... A: Joanna, Tricky question. So far as using the "girl" word, it's really, really important that you ... | |
| i look for controling man to come my master for life | 7/12/2010 |
| Q: i search internet for web sites for to find master who controling my life and i having trouble find ... A: wipa... Very interesting letter and request. What makes you think that you want a Master rather ... | |
| can u help ? | 6/24/2010 |
| Q: my wife is interested in performing some femdom acts. we need a free pdf book where we can find over ... A: Hazem... If you want material from the Internet, then start searching, using these topics: femdom ... | |
| collaring my slave | 6/19/2010 |
| Q: My girlfriend and I have recently gotten pretty serious about our M/s relationship. I wish to ... A: Kevin, thanks for writing... As you're doing an M/s collar, it is actually tremendously important. ... | |
| Depressed slave | 6/17/2010 |
| Q: I am in a current M/s relationship, not involved in Leather and have been in this relationship for ... A: Master Markus, The Internet can be so annoying! Preferences for chocolate or vanilla or ... | |
| should i dump him? | 6/10/2010 |
| Q: I met this guy, really nice, sweet and handsome. Dressed well, in graduate school, has a good job ... A: Tina, thanks for writing... He's clearly exhibiting his values and moral character. Those seldom ... | |
| BDSM after Marriage and kids? | 6/9/2010 |
| Q: I am a 29 married father of 3, have been married for 7 years now. My wife is a natural submissive, ... A: I apologize for the delay in replying to you. I was away four days at a weekend kink conference. ... | |
| New to BDSM | 6/3/2010 |
| Q: I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now and we have always had a sort of D/s relationship. ... A: Rose, Some of the answers to your questions are so complex and involved it's going to be hard to do ... | |
| Sub attachment to a non-dom | 5/23/2010 |
| Q: I have been ... for better lack of words.. glomped onto by a sub, a real severe sub who wishes to do ... A: Rayne, thanks for writing... I know what you mean -- I'd be really uncomfortable with a severe sub, ... | |
| Disobedience and punishment | 5/6/2010 |
| Q: I have been in a serious m/m relationship for three years, although we have known one another much ... A: Oh, God!!! You've really committed a contract violation: basic breach of trust. That's grounds for ... | |
| Using the term "Mistress" | 3/30/2010 |
| Q: Sir i was trained that calling a Female dominant...every female dominant "Mistress" is wrong. That ... A: Greg. Thanks for writing. I'll give you an answer that I believe is correct, but I'll caution you ... | |
| my gf is ready to dominate but she has no experience | 3/23/2010 |
| Q: helllllooooo sir/mam. m a guy from india in ma late teens. i had a fantasy to serve female feet and ... A: Shekhar, I admire you for asking these questions. Very good! Pain: there is "good pain" and "bad ... | |
| my gf is ready to dominate but she has no experience | 3/10/2010 |
| Q: helllllooooo sir/mam. m a guy from india in ma late teens. i had a fantasy to serve female feet and ... A: Shekhar, This is one of the hardest questions I've ever had. Personally, I have a Mistress, and I ... | |
| For my school paper | 2/15/2010 |
| Q: I am writing a paper for school. I would appreciate if I could use this information in my paper and ... A: Hey, Derek, What grade in school or what year of college are you in? What course are you taking ... | |
| new | 1/25/2010 |
| Q: i entered into a M/s relationship where i am the master. i have never been the master before. How do ... A: Michelle, First, please don't use the small letter "i" when referring to yourself. That's how a ... | |
| sub zone | 1/22/2010 |
| Q: i am very new to this lifestyle. i am entering a new relationship and have been given an assignment ... A: Welcome to this life... "Sub zone" is also called "flying" or "sub-space". It refers to a time ... | |
| Possible Submissive??? | 1/3/2010 |
| Q: I am not in an M/s relationship and I just beginning to explore the lifestyle. I had a very brief ... A: andrea, I know a number of very qualified people in that area. Are you looking for a lover or for ... | |
| i get lost what im? | 1/1/2010 |
| Q: .i get to ur sit by lucky but im happy to discave that... im in the midel of something and im really ... A: Mohamed, He is not your slave unless he is obeying you. If he is not obeying you, you need to ... | |
| getting involved with BDSM | 12/28/2009 |
| Q: I met a younger man who is open about BDSM. He feels strongly about my "latent desire" to be a sub. ... A: Joan, I guess this is the only way to reply to your comment (and thanks for the high ratings). I ... | |
| sites | 11/29/2009 |
| Q: .I have been on collar me site for too long and all I see there are idiots from europe and scam ... A: James, How about having her register on CollarMe looking only for a woman? Or same for Fetlife ... | |
| sites | 11/28/2009 |
| Q: .I have been on collar me site for too long and all I see there are idiots from europe and scam ... A: James, The "real" site for us "kinksters" is www.fetlife.com. You're welcome to link to me -- I'm ... | |
| repentance | 11/26/2009 |
| Q: Sir, this girl would ask a question. my Master has owned this girl for almost 2 years, and W/we have ... A: slave m First, Fetlife. I'm Dr_Bob. Just do a search and link to me (send a "friends" request). ... | |
| repentance | 11/26/2009 |
| Q: Sir, this girl would ask a question. my Master has owned this girl for almost 2 years, and W/we have ... A: m, Bear in mind, I can only answer from my own perspective. I'm 65. First marriage = 17 years, ... | |
| BDSM Lifestyle | 11/25/2009 |
| Q: I'm brand new to the BDSM lifestyle. I am intrested in learning about the dom role . My question is ... A: Dante, I would urge you to do an Internet search for the term "BDSM" and then the name of your city ... | |
| frusterated | 11/19/2009 |
| Q: my wife has a submissive personalty she likes to be tied up and is into light BDSM ...but we are ... A: Sean, All relationships are different. What works for you and your partner is what works. What ... | |
| F/f relationships as different from M/f | 11/19/2009 |
| Q: i am interested in how a (heterosexual) female submissive can creatively please a Domme, and how ... A: hey, sally I see your question has been languishing in our "question pool" for some weeks. So, ... | |
| master slave relations | 11/3/2009 |
| Q: my wife has ben a submissive for years!!! i am new to bdsm so i dont understand she wants to be a ... A: Hmmm Please correct me if I'm wrong, but this sounds as though she wants to do Master/slave ... | |
| Erotic Humilation | 10/6/2009 |
| Q: Six months ago I hired a 26 year old young women to work at my company (Maryam) and over the past ... A: David, Let me try taking this in pieces. First, about you wearing a collar: consider other symbols ... | |
| Need to Serve | 9/18/2009 |
| Q: I'm married. My husband has a dominant personality, but it's been suppressed his entire life, ... A: Lindsey, First, I apologize for the delay in replying. We live in Panama and I was away on a photo ... | |
| BDSM | 9/11/2009 |
| Q: Sir please tell me that what is BDSM. A: BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline; Dominance and submission; sado-masochism. In a nutshell, ... | |
| Married but submissive | 9/10/2009 |
| Q: I am a submissive female, married to a vanilla guy. In the time we have been together (over 5 years) ... A: Melissa... I truly empathize. I've actually been in your situation, but as the guy. I'm still ... | |
| Male Master/ female submissive relationship | 9/9/2009 |
| Q: I am the female submissive in a relationship. I am married to my master. When we first married ... A: Wow. Tough question, tough situation. Would you be willing to try "talking sticks?" I use these ... | |
| horrible decision? | 9/3/2009 |
| Q: I am a college student living at home with my parents. I just "left" my master, who I was feeling ... A: We'll, you've got a guy -- I'm 64 and heavily involved with BDSM and such. Author of four books on ... | |
| how do I make my slave to respect me? | 8/27/2009 |
| Q: I'm 32 male and have met a 45 year old women that is into BDSM.. she introduced me to BDSM and gave ... A: Well, I do have some thoughts for you... First, at the risk of starting on a negative note, you've ... | |
| Relationships | 8/14/2009 |
| Q: I'm a vanilla guy in long term relationship with a Dom woman. For years it seemed that a vanilla ... A: Ah, a nice complicated relationship question. The quick answer is yes, you probably can work this ... | |
| In Service relationship... | 8/6/2009 |
| Q: Desr Robert: Here is my question, well i meet a Dom in a bdsm party, i liked him very much, we ... A: You are now beginning to sense the complication of the lives of most "kinksters." People who ... | |
| how can I tell? | 8/2/2009 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I are both interested about BDSM but are also very very new to it. I am sure that I ... A: Wow! Great question. Let me start out by mentioning that there are dominants, there are ... | |
| Mentor and slave | 7/29/2009 |
| Q: Well i have been involved in bdsm for 6 months, just theory and online things, i went to a party ... A: Great question. Unfortunately, the answer is fairly complex. I need to start with some background. ... | |
| BDSM- interchangable lifestyles | 7/26/2009 |
| Q: I was wandering if there was any possibility of having a sexual BDSM relationship with a person and ... A: Good question... The quick answer to your question is yes, it's easy to live a "normal" life (we ... | |
| hypocrites | 7/13/2009 |
| Q: Fuck your "instructions". You have no control over me. It's been posted: "For any Dominant to ... A: I'm sorry that you've had this experience. On the surface facts, I support your anger. Within our ... | |
| I have a Daddy's Little Girl Fetish and I want my husband to FOR REAL discipline spank me | 6/22/2009 |
| Q: I have a Daddy's Little Girl fetish. To make a long story short, I want my husband to discipline me ... A: Jennifer, Please pardon the delay in replying to you. I've been out of the country for a bit over ... | |
| Disobeying | 6/8/2009 |
| Q: Hey I was wondering about collaring... See I'm in a Master/slave relationship with my girlfriend ... A: Ooh, ooh, icky. Serious problem, Laurence. I'm sorry. OK, I'll apologize up front for writing so ... | |
| New to relationship- wish my dom was "on" all the time | 6/5/2009 |
| Q: I had NO idea I was getting into this kind of relationship. I had no idea I was submissive. But ... A: Ann, You might ask him, but my sense is that he can't really enforce protocols over the phone, but ... | |
| Collars | 6/4/2009 |
| Q: Hey, I just asked a question but didn't want to ask too much at once. The question was: "Hey I was ... A: You ask nice questions. The most common recommendation by an older Master/Dom to a younger one is: ... | |
| Collars | 6/4/2009 |
| Q: Hey I was wondering about collaring... See I'm in a Master/slave relationship with my girlfriend ... A: Laurence... There are really two worlds of "kinksters" out there. There is the world of BDSM ... | |
| Slave | 5/31/2009 |
| Q: I am currently a man that is very submissive and i really want to try and be someones slave and am ... A: .. First I'm a switch. I've been owned by Karen Martin since July, 2001 and 18 months into our ... | |
| juggling | 5/5/2009 |
| Q: I have a bit of an issue. I have been a submissive all my life but it wasn't pointed out to me until ... A: In my experience, alt.com is home more to "Internet Doms and subs" than real-time Doms/subs. There ... | |
BDSM
Answers by Expert:
Robert Rubel
Top Expert on this page
Expertise
Master/slave theory and practice, using protocols to make your world special, communication glitches within the M/s framework, serious problem solving in an M/s relationship, fire play.
Experience
Author of:
Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice;
Protocol Handbook for the Female slave (The gender-free version is titled:
Protocol Handbook for the Leather slave. They are essentially the same.)
M/s Relations: Communications 401 - the Advanced Course;
M/s Relations: Solutions 402 -- Living in Harmony
There are other books, but only these are relevant to this category.
... and a few others. By the way, my slave is on the far left, and my Owner is in the middle. We've been together over six years, and have lived as a Leather Family since June, 2006.
Organizations
MAsT, NLA-I
Publications
See my website: www.RubelPresents.com and go to the "publications" tab.
Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison.
Have presented over 30 times in 2007 and 2008 at major weekend Leather and BDSM conferences. These are all listed on my website, www.RubelPresents.com along with all my presentation topics.
Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008
Past/Present Clients
I am currently mentoring two people, listed on my FetLife profile of Dr_Bob. I particularly enjoy mentoring FemDommes -- they often listen better. I have successfully transformed a select number of people. It's not a question of what I offer, it's a question of what you bring to the table.
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