Expert: Oscar G. - 9/1/2007

Question
i just found out that my wife is wanting to seperate
and is talking very heavly with a master she saids she just asking ?.
can this lead to more with her and her new freind that my wife said that he and is wife are helping her with this problem she said that she has had sents she was 17 after watching a porn movie. thank for any insight on this.

Answer
Hi Brian:

The issue is a bit muddled since i do not have too many details. But from what I gather she has found her submissive leanings and cannot deny her nature and want that part of her satisfied. It has often happened that people repress their feelings for  a long while, but someday they burst and cannot be denied any longer.

At this point if she could be really finding info and dealing with her feelings. You gotta ASK , her and talk about her needs and feelings toward this new set of ideas and activities. Maybe the separation  idea comes that perhaps she thinks you may not want to become her "master" or dominant. It is important to see if you can give her what she wants and needs, even if it is something new and unknown to you. Figure out if you can first. But You gotta ask and talk about expectations, desires and how to obtain them. If you can give it to her or change for her in pleasing in her needs(it is about pleasure , not pain  per se) and she desires it, give it by all means.
She may be a bit unsure if someone who has loved her might be rough and mean to her for the sake of sex and fantasy. In the beginning it is a conflicting idea that newcomer submissive "slaves" have to deal with.

Try to be supportive and listen to her. She may open up and spill the whole thing up to you, but since you 'are not a master' (but you can become!) she perhaps is afraid you may not understand her. SO she has gone to talk with people who have been into the lifestyle for a while. But do not get out of the loop. DO your own research if necessary, but asking what does she need from you and what she desire and then you can decide if you can give it to her.
As I mentioned in my previous reply there are couple counselors that know about 'master & slave' relationships and deal with you in the most natural way in the world.
Mostly found online and near big cities but the web and phone can fill gaps.
The main thing is to communicate. But it has to be both ways, and find the common middle ground to grow from where you stand and change what can be changed to improve.

I hope this helps you. Best wishes for you.
Oscar G.