Expert: arani_CsA - 8/12/2006

Question
hi, my girlfriend came home early 1 day last mounth and caught me masterbating, i was in the living room totaly naked and did not expect her home, when she came in to the room and seen me i just frose, i could not cover myself up or deny what i was doing, to top i off i was watching a porn movie, at first she just stood there without saying a word, i tried to explain but she would not let me finish a sentence, she then sat down opposite me and told me to finish what i was doing.
i coild see she was pretty angry and tried to talk my way out of it, but she would not hear any of it, so i had to masterbate in front of her, she told me to cum all over myself, which i did, when i was finished she got up and walked out, i went to the bedroom and tried to get changed but she said if i can be naked in the house by myself, i was to stay naked even when she was there.
i tried to protest but she would not listen, she called me into the living room and made me masterbate in front of hre again, when i came she took my semen and put it in my mouth and rubbed it in my face.the next day when i came home from work she made me strip totally naked and made me stay like that in bed that night i was really horny but she would not let me touch her, she said if i wanted sexuall releif i was to masterbate with her watching,and only with her watching.
on the friday night she told me to shave my pubic hair, which i did, then she made me masterbate in front of her again, she told me if i was going to act like a teenage boy she was going to treat me like 1,
she went to her cupboard and came out with a cane, she put the porn movie on and told me to bend over the chair and watch it,she then started to cane me and tell me that my behaviour was unacceptable, when she finished my butt was flaming red, she then made me masterbate again in front of her,
that night she tied me to the bed and played with my balls but would not let me cum, the saturday morning i was still tied up, when 1 of her friends came to visit, to my horror she brought her into the room, telling her the whole story of me being caught watching porn and masterbating, to caning me and making me do it in front of her,her friend said she wanted to watch me masterbate, they untied me and went to the living room i was told to come down when i got there my girlfriends friend "mandy" had the cane, she put me over the chair and began so cane me,when she finished i was really hard and this seemed to annoy my girlfriend,mandy then made me jack off for her as i came she took hold of my balls and started to squeese them, i thought i was going to pass out, they then tied me to the chair in the lounge and put the porn movie on and took turns at hitting my balls and squeesing them, the then went out for the afternoon and left me tied up to the chair,
they came back late afternoon, told me to shower and come back to the living room,when i got there mandy had a strap-on on and was fucking my girlfriend, they seen me and made me watch as my girlfriend exploded into a huge orgasim, mandy then made me take the strap-on in my mouth while my girlfriend squeesed my balls and hit me with the beld i was tied up with, then mandy turned me around and told me she was going to fuck me and teach me a lesson, my girlfriend got the video camera and mandy lubed me up, i was trying to protest but they would not listen, when mandy started to enter me i thought i ws going to tear in half, as mandy was fucking me she took hold of my cock and jerked me off as i came she put my semen in my mouth and on her strap-on and made me suck it off.
mandy left on sunday morning after making me jerk off for her.
my girlfriend now says that this is the way it is going to be in out house in the future,
the whole experience has been an eye opener but maby my girlfriend might take it too far 1 day.
what should i do?  

Answer
It sounds like you've discovered that your girlfriend enjoys dominating you, and that she has a sadistic side.  It also sounds like this surprised you, and scares you a little.  If so, I can understand your feelings.

Such activities as your girlfriend and her friend forced you to engage in are not necessarily bad, or a sign that a person is disturbed.  There are a lot of people, who are perfectly normal mentally and physically, who enjoy the kind of activities you described and worse.  BDSM is a blanket term that covers an entire spectrum from a couple enjoying a little kinky play in the bedroom, all the way through a Master/slave relationship like I am involved with.

That said, there are a few words of caution that I must offer you.  You mentioned, more than once, that you were protesting what was being done to you, and that you were forced to do things.  One of the main tenets of the BDSM lifestyle is that the party on the receiving end must consent to being treated so.  If you truly do not want to engage in this kind of play, you need to let your girlfriend know that, in no uncertain terms.  Being forced into sexual activity without your consent is rape, even if it is between a husband and wife.

But I also sensed that you rather enjoyed the treatment you were receiving, and that may have shocked you as well.  Many people are masochistic and report a pleasurable sensation when subjected to humiliation or painful stimuli.  That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you; it just means you're wired a bit differently than some folks.  

You need to sit down with your girlfriend and discuss why she subjected you to such treatment, admitting to her that you enjoyed it.  (Or telling her that you did not, if that was the case.)  Do some research, together, into what Domination and submission are all about, including words such as safewords, limits, and contracts.  It is possible for her to do lasting harm to you, and she needs to be aware of how to avoid this.  (For you would have every right to report such treatment to the police.)

I would also encourage both of you to find a BDSM group in your area and get involved.  Meet others who enjoy such activities, and observe and learn from them.  Explore how to play safely, so that both of you get the maximum enjoyment from it.  And don't get hurt in the process.  One good place to find local groups is at www.drkdesyre.com, listed by state.

Another couple of websites I would like to recommend are at www.castlerealm.com and www.leathernroses.com.  Also, do a web search for Gloria Brame's site.  

One last word of caution about involving others in your sexual play.  Be sure to practice safe sex.   You never know what those other people you play with might have been exposed to.

Good luck, and if you have any more questions, feel free to send them my way.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius