Expert: arani_CsA - 9/13/2007

Question
My wife wants me to dom her totally!  I'm looking for surgestions and how to  keep her happy with some scences, she into flogging and bondgage, she has dreamed of this for quiet some time!

Answer
Hello…

Thanks for coming to me with your question.  I’ll try to help you find an answer.  The BDSM lifestyle is one that my husband and I enjoy very much, and I hope that you and your wife will find as much fulfillment in it as we do.

My first suggestion is that you and your wife spend some time together researching the lifestyle and all of its variations.  There is a wide and varied continuum of preferences within the lifestyle, ranging from people who enjoy a little kinky sex from time to time, to couples who engage in a full-blown Master/slave relationship like my husband and I do – and many other flavors in between.  Some people enjoy S/m activities such as bondage or flogging, others do not and are more service-oriented.  And those who do enjoy S/m play will often choose from a wide variety of activities, including spanking, tickling, rope bondage, mummification, flogging, caning, hot wax, enemas, pony play, piercing, and many others.

Some excellent places to learn about the lifestyle include:
http://www.castlerealm.com
http://www.leathernroses.com
http://steel-door.com/Chamber.html

In addition to learning about the various forms the lifestyle can take, I would encourage you and your wife to take some time to think about what it is that draws you.  Some people are looking for a little fun and a way to add variety to their sex life.  Others will feel drawn by something inside themselves.  For me, my slavery has a definite spiritual quality – not a religion, but something I feel I was created for.  It is also good to define some limits to your play – in other words, what kinds of things you or your wife don’t wish to participate in.  You might actually find that comparing your lists will provoke some interesting discussions.

You should also understand that being a Dominant involves more than just being able to order someone around – although that is quite a nice feature.  Most Dominants will feel very protective of their submissives, and want to see them better themselves in different ways.  For instance, you might encourage your wife to lose weight or to be more satisfied in her job (if she works outside the home).  Most Dominants also enjoy pushing their submissives’ limits, by gently but powerfully causing her to desire those things that you enjoy.  For instance, when I first met my husband, I was repelled by the thought of anal sex.  However, over time I began to actually crave it.

One last thing that I would recommend your doing is to become involved in a group of BDSM practitioners in your area.  You can find a listing of such groups, by state, at http://www.drkdesyre.com  These groups will typically have get-togethers for the purposes of discussion and fellowship, or for fun and games.  Speaking with and observing other couples who are involved in the lifestyle will yield you and your wife valuable information, and allow you to make friends who share your interests.  Bear in mind, however, that most people in these groups will be suspicious of newcomers at first, because of confidentiality issues.

I wish you and your wife much success in your search.  If you have any further questions, feel free to send them my way.

arani_CsA,
Devoted property of Clampius_Arelius