Expert: arani_CsA - 10/3/2007

Question
i have been a submissive for nearly 10 years (rw).  i have been without a Master (my beloved Master passed away)for about two years now. i have recently met a Dom (rw) who wishes to claim me. But, he wants a slave, not just a submissive. While the alure of slavery submission is calling to me, i am hesitating. i am afraid i will not be able to be what he needs. i have never been slave. i am afraid of not having a "safe word" for instance. i have come to respect and care for this Dom, but my fear is causing me to delay answering him. i don't want to disappoint him or get myself into something that i am not ready for.  Could you tell me what you see as the major differences between submissive and slave?  Is there anything critical i should know that will help me make a wise decision? thank you, cricket

Answer
Hello...

Thanks for sending me your question.  I hope I can help you find the answers you are looking for.

There are most definitely some pretty big differences between submissves and slaves, at least in my own personal opinion.  I think that if you were to speak to 10 different people in the lifestyle, you would probably get at least 5 different definitions.  And I'm not sure it's so important what you call yourself as it is what you do.

Anyway, there is much more to being a slave than just not having a safe word.  Most slaves I know, myself included, don't have a safeword because they simply aren't able to use one.  Speaking strictly for myself, I go so far down into subspace that I can no longer speak or even be aware of what's going on around me.  Luckily, I have a Master who knows my body better than I do, and who can tell when I've had enough.

A lot of slaves are not at all submissive.  I consider a submissive to be someone who enjoys being obedient, who likes living in an environment where her actions are rigidly controlled, and perhaps where she has some fairly complex rituals that have to be performed.  A slave, on the other hand, lives in a situation where it simply doesn't matter whether or not she enjoys doing as she is told.  She has no choice.  And that's not because she is bound and gagged, and under threat of physical harm if she doesn't obey.  It's that obedience is as automatic to her as breathing.

Also, my Master actually doesn't give me a direct command very often.  It is up to me to figure out what I'm to do, or what he likes, or how he wants me to behave.  Sometimes, if he has to give me a command, that means I've failed in my duties.  But it's more than just doing.  I like to say that a submissive DOES what her Master wants, whereas a slave BECOMES what her Master wants.  This can mean losing (or gaining) weight, changing hair color or style, being loaned out to another or even sold, or learning a new skill or job.  In the seven years or so that I've belonged to my current Master, I have changed a great deal in my entire outlook on life.  Some would say I'm not at all the same person.  

I do think you're wise to question this potential relationship.  Not everyone is cut out for the life of a slave, and it wouldn't necessarily mean that you were any less valuable if you did decide it wasn't for you.  I think it is a highly valuable quality in either a slave or a submissive that she knows exactly what she wants and what she is capable of, and is assured of her own limitations.  (Slaves DO have limits, by the way.  They simply make sure they don't get into any situations where they might be commanded to do things they are uncomfortable with -- like serving another woman sexually, or going out in public without clothing, for example.)  

I suggest that you have a long talk, or better yet a series of long talks with this Dominant.  Ask him exactly what kind of service he would expect you to provide.  Make sure he knows about any reservations you have, and see how he responds.  Before my Master collared me, he asked me in detail about my experiences and anything that I was unsure of.  I also made sure to tell him about health problems and phobias and the like.  After listening carefully, he determined that there were certain things that I would not be required to do, or at least not right away.  

One of the most important aspects of a Master/slave relationship is trust.  You need to have absolute trust in this man, that he will nurture and protect you, and help you to grow as a person as well as a slave.  You also need to trust that he will not force you to do anything that would cause you fear or emotional harm, as well as physical harm.

Ask this man if he has owned other slaves, and ask him if you may speak to them.  In addition, ask him for references from other Dominants.  If he is unwilling to do this, I would think twice about belonging to him.

Good luck to you, and if you have any other questions, feel free to send them my way.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius