Expert: Mistress Violette - 11/4/2007

Question
I want to know how to become a slave to my boyfriend.  I would like him to be my master, but don't want to ask him, I just want to know if there is a way to just become one and see where it goes?

Answer
Hello, AL,

The answer to your question is yes and no. It is possible to provide service to your boyfriend as a slave would. If you really want to explore BDSM, though, it has to be out in the open and have the agreement of both partners.

The standard advice to submissive men hoping to interest their vanilla wives in BDSM is to start by serving them in an understated way. This might work for you, too. It's certainly worth a try.

There are things you can do for your boyfriend without making a big show of it. You might take his coat and hang it up when he comes in, serve him food or snacks, take over a chore he doesn't like, such as taking out the garbage or washing the car. Since I don't know your living situation I can only make general suggestions but I'm sure you get the idea. Find some things like these to do and start slowly, seeing how he reacts. If his reaction is favorable, take on some more activities.

You can also gently initiate some play that has BDSM overtones. Lots of people enjoy bedroom BDSM. You can see if your boyfriend is one of them by suggesting some light spanking or bondage or play with blindfolds or gags. Explain that you find these things exciting and you'd like to try them out, hoping you'll both find them enjoyable.

If your boyfriend responds well to your covert service and sensual play, you may find this satisfies your needs. If not, you're going to have to talk to him about BDSM. You're probably not going to be able to ramp up the intensity without his willing participation. BDSM is a negotiated relationship between two people with compatible desires. If he has enjoyed what you're doing, it's possible he'll be open to more and willing to explore further.

Even if he's not willing to participate in a formal BDSM relationship, he may still agree to do some of the things you'd like. All relationships have some give and take in them and asking for some mild BDSM is no different than asking for any other relationship spice. You may be able to negotiate something that, while not the BDSM relationship you've dreamed of, still meets your needs.

I wish you the best and, if I can help in any other way, please feel free to ask another question.

Mistress Violette