Expert: Jan Hayner - 9/5/2008

Question
I am torn. I want to go to IN to be with my dad and family. At the same time if I do go I will loose a great job and promotion as well as health insurance. I am scared that if I do go to IN I will not have a job right away and if I do find one that it will be a major pay cut. I do not know what I should do. I miss my family but I have got to have money to pay my bills and I seriously need health insurance. I already told my dad I was coming down in a month though. Please help.

Answer
Hi Brandy;
Well, you are at least looking at things realistically and not only thinking with your heart. I know that it is hard being away from family, I have had to do it many times in my life. A matter of fact, now my granddaughter is going through the same thing,she is away at college, her freshman year and the first time away from a very close knit family (I had four kids and 8 grandkids) and we have contact almost daily!!!

However, there are ways of living through this and making it easy on everyone, including yourself.

You are already thinking smart. You know that money doesn't grow on tree's and it costs money to live! Now, to help to get you over the home sick feeling that you have will help to ease the rest of the pain until you can find that great job in your hometown.....and it can be done, even though it is long distance. People do it everyday from across the nation and it is possible.

first of all, call Dad and explain that it may take a little longer than a month for you to get there. Then explain why! Exactly as you wrote it in your letter. He will be so proud of his little girl for thinking so clearly and doing the sensible thing.

Next, start checking things on the Internet for your hometown. Try going through your State 'Job Service' agency, Check the businesses and websites of everyplace in your town that has a job equivalent to what you need and the job opportunities that they have. Go to Careerbuilder.com and put in the name and zip code of your hometown and see what employers are offering jobs. The reason for checking the websites too is that some places have jobs, but ONLY put them on their own website!!

If you find something of interest, send them your cover letter and resume. If they want an interview, they will ask for one. Then, you have the option of saying that you can't take time off from work at that particular time or that you can't afford to make the trip home and most of them are willing to do an interview over the phone.

This will give you a job...before...you get home. As far as a place to live, maybe Dad can help in that area. He can give you an idea of the rent, security deposit etc. As a possible 'help', he may be willing to let you store your things in his garage for a month and live with him until you find a place. Just remember to do your share when you are there. You are still daddy's girl, but now you are a BIG girl and need to show him that. Believe me, it will make him feel better knowing that you can handle yourself when you are on your own!

By the way, how about the place that you are working for? Do they have other businesses around the US, are any of them closer to home, can you get a transfer?

As for being lonesome! I think we (our family has that covered with my granddaughter) we all went out and bought webcams for our computers. If that isn't an option, how about a camera cell phone for you and your dad and you can split the bill. You can get a plan where friends and family are free or where 'text messaging' is free. That way you can see each other or keep replaying a saved message when you get lonesome (I have four of my granddaughters saved). You can send each other tapes too, it is cheaper than some long distance phone calls.

Send letters that have a piece of gum in, candy, a 'i am lonesome' note, or a piece of paper with a lipstick kiss on it. Make it fun and it makes the time go faster for both of you.

I hope this helped a little and gave you a few ideas that will help you to get home faster, get a good paying job with health insurance and help relieve the stress!!!
Jan Hayner
Jan Hayner