Expert: Jan Hayner - 7/3/2010

Question
QUESTION: I'm currently 20 years old and on the verge of getting my GED but my mom is elderly and I want to be there to help her out and become a home attendent for her cause she doesn't want sum1else there so my question is who do I go to or how do I go about situateing my life plus being able to help my mom and be there for her at the same time  without haveing to go too far from her. Normally I wanted to finish highschool qnd etc but my mom have become more sickly and I need to be there for her so how can I make this all work to where I can be there to help her because there is no1 else and at the same time prosper in my life with school and etc.? Pleasei need help.

ANSWER: Hi Amanda;
Your a very wonderful daughter to think that much of your mom to want to do this for her.

First of all, you need to finish high school. Not only for yourself and your future, but for your mom too. The only way of getting a good job is to finish school so you have that deploma. You don't have to go on to school, however you could take some classes via the internet in some subjects that would help you too.

I really could use some more information and then I think I can give you somee good ideas to help you even more. Answer these questions for me and I will send you another letter.

1. Where do you live-what city and country
2. Does she require nursing care
3. Do you have to be there twenty four hours a day
4. What kind of a job are you interested in
5. Is your mom mentally alert, aware of things and able to do some things for herself?
6. Do you have a job now
7. Do you want to remain living with her or live on your own
8. Does she own her home or does she rent
I know some of these questions may seem stupid, but they would help a lot in how I can give you suggestions
Write back and let me know and I will check on a few things for you
Jan Hayner

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: 1. Where do you live-what city and country
Thnx alot and I currently live in Brooklyn new York , USA 
2. Does she require nursing care
Yes she do require  nursing care
3. Do you have to be there twenty four hours a day
Yes for most of the day only when she's sleeping then she's ok other than that shell need 24 super vision to fetch diff things and etc '.
4. What kind of a job are you interested in
I generally wanted to become a psychologist but I'm willing too change my career path and become a home attendent too help my mom out 
5. Is your mom mentally alert, aware of things and able to do some things for herself?
Yes she's able to do somethings for herself she just have major pains in her legs not allowing her to walk alot n stay up on her feet. 
6. Do you have a job now
No I'm currently not working 
7. Do you want to remain living with her or live on your own
I want to live on my own eventually but close to where I can see her. 
8. Does she own her home or does she rent
No she's currently renting ". We live in an apartment. 

Answer
Hey Amanda, your in luck, you live in the good ole USA!!! There are tons of things available to help both you and your mom.

First of all, contact someone from the Division of Disabilities (through the Social Services Department). There is also a Department that will help with Senior Citizen issues. They can help with having someone help to clean the house, do cooking, play cards or whatever with your mom, and a ton of other things.

You had said that mom doesn't want anyone else to take care of her. That is fine, she is an independent woman and that is good. These people are there to give you piece of mind, so that you can take a class if you need to, get a part time job to help with costs etc. If mom can take care of herself, great---but you can't concentrate on what you are doing if you are worried about her. So, this will help to make mom safe and you relaxed. This way you can take a class or two, get a job or whatever.

Plus, it will take some of the strain off of you and mom.

I can't even list here all of the things that you and your mom could be eligible for, but the list is long. The people will come right to the house and talk things over in front of both you and mom and then you two can discuss what things you would like to take advantage of to make your lvies easier.

I am sure that mom is wondering how she can give you a chance to reach your goals and still not be a burden to you and they will put her mind at ease. Good old moms help their kids until the day they die and mom has a lot of ways that she can help you now. Let her be able to do that by also being able to help herself.

They may also be able to help to find a handicap assessible apartment that will help to have things within moms reach a lot more.
Most of these things are at chair height, so she can sit down to do almost everything. She will have her freedom back and will feel so much better about herself too.

I know a lot of people don't like to think about going to Senior Centers to meet people or get out of the house, but something she may want to think about is asking your minister if there is a child that could use her help. I know your thinking, "How could mom help?" Simple, some kids don't have parents at home when they get home after school. These kids could use a afriend to read to (to improve their skills and grammer), they could use a 'framma' that would be able to tell them why their moms and dads do things they way they do etc. Kids learn easier from 'older' adults than from their own parents sometimes. Plus, mom would have someone to spend time with and help when you aren't there. It is just a though, but my neighbor does this too. She started out reluctantly and now I have to make an appointment to go to see her because she has a slew of kids that love her to pieces. By the way, this woman is in a wheelchair and has only one arm and is blind.....but man she has  aheart that explodes with love and kindness and every kid that goes to her loves her to pieces.

I am thinking that for as thoughtful as you are, you must have been brokought up by a marvelous woman and this might be just what might make some childs life wonderful compared to horrible.
Let mom read this letter, she may be willing to still spread that love that she has a little more and probably gain aa friend in the process.

Good luck Amanda, check into this, life will be good for you and mom,
Jan Hayner