Expert: Levya Braman - 8/12/2010

Question
Hi
Any suggestions you could offer would be appreciated.
I am a 51 year old male.
I have a fairly stressfull job as a bus driver in a major city.
I work evenings, and often encounter unruly or disrespectfull passengers.
We are supposed to just let it slide and not take it home with you, but the longer you have worked here the grumpier you get.
I feel I am doing pretty good overall, but my main concern is what to do to occupy my mind amd hands on my off time.
On my work days I fill in the time by doing housework and jogging, reading the paper, etc.
The problem is my 'weekend' which is Tuesday and Wednesday.
I dont have any hobbies or interests other than watching soccer on T.V.
I am starting to drink more mostly out of boredom.
I am considering joining an online AA group, but my main problem is not the drinking but what to do.
Most people would envy my situation but I am naturally 'antsy' and cant sit still. I have been diagnosed with adult A.D.H.D. and am taking prescribed Welbutrin.
I prefer to stay at home or in the neighbourhood as I dont enjoy driving on my off days since I do so much of it. Besides, most activities and social events take place on the weekends and evenings when I am working.
I wont change carreers since I like my job, and the benefits and pension are too good to give up.
I have tried but just cant get into any hobbies.My wife, with who I have a good relationship apart from when I occasionly overconsume alcohol, is an introvert and doesnt like to socialise,so we dont have many friends.
One thing I enjoy doing is what I am doing now, chatting online or emailing people for advice about ANYTHING-I am addicted to Allexperts.
Most chat rooms are quiet during the day, and the ones that arent seem pretty clubby-they wont let strangers in.
I did join an online penpal site but was bombarded with spam from African woman wanting to marry me!
Thanks for any suggestions!  

Answer
Hi Gord,
Working at your job sounds stressful, yet also enjoyable. I can understand that when you get home, you don't really feel like driving more. And, I know what it's like to have your weekend in the middle of the week, it can be great and also pose some challenges.

My first question to you would be: what would you like to have your spare time look like? And a 2nd question would be: if you don't change what you're currently doing, what will your life look like 5 years from now? And, is that what you want?

If you aren't thrilled with the path that you're currently on, then maybe it's a great time to make some conscious changes. You do have
choices. Realizing that is vital. If you don't want to come home, be bored, drink and not have many friends, then you can change that.

Our lives are more than our work. If we fail to give attention to the many aspects of life, then we won't feel happy or good about our lives. I would refer you to a page on my website that offers a deeper explanation of this: http://www.watersedgelifecoaching.com/id72.html

It sounds like you have tried to pursue some possible hobbies, but nothing that really excited or inspired you. I would encourage you to keep trying new things until you find something you like. Maybe it is in the arts, or in a spiritual path, or in volunteering, or in getting outside, or in sports, ...

I think you are seeking 'connections' with others. Doing this online may feel safer than doing it in person. I'm not sure though if it's as fulfilling; you even stated that you can't seem to get enough.

Talking with people online can fill some needs, but you may want closer relationships than that. Sometimes making new friends can be scary and may mean you getting out of your comfort zone a little, and your wife may not want to join you. But having a support system, people who will love us just the way we are, can be the difference between a lonely life and one full of meaning and satisfaction.

Creating the quality of life you want may not feel comfortable, but it's way better than just living a life you don't really enjoy. I encourage you to create the life you want. Begin this week. Think of one thing you could do that would positively impact how you feel. Then take that step. You'll find that one step leads to another and so on.

I wish you the best as you move forward!

Sincerely,
Levya Braman
www.WatersEdgeLifeCoaching.com