Expert: Jeni Hooper - 1/24/2011

Question
I am 23 year old Indian girl. Being Indian, in our society, it is only accepted that children, especially girls, live with parents until they get married. However I got rebellious and moved out to another city for studies. For two reasons- staying with my parents constrained my social freedom and also the city where my parents live didn't have the opportunities I am looking for. I am a student and hence sponsored by my parents and i will be living this way till I graduate and get a job as my course load is too tough to balance any kind of job with it.

I have completed my classes and I have to just prepare for my exams which can even be done from home but I hate to go back to my home place so I am still living here and preparing for my exams from here.

I feel uncomfortable this way, living away from them, at their sponsorship, without a particular job/class to attend to, and most of all, with them being unhappy that I am not living with them. I cannot move back to my home town as it exasperates me. It doesn't offer me opportunities both professionally and socially. Life in my home town will be with my parents 24*7 , whom i am attached to but I can't share everything with them. It's like a state of cognitive dissonance with all these conflicting ideas in my head all the time and I feel like I am going mad and I need medical help.

Answer
Many young people whatever their culture want to be more independent and to have some autonomy over their lives. This is a natural feeling and one that often conflicts with family who want to take care of you and protect you. You have a been able to live separately from your family because of your course. What will happen when you graduate, will you have to find work locally in order to live at home?

Now, under the pressure of exams is not a good time to discuss difficult issues with your parents or even to be thinking too much about it. I suggest you focus on working hard to pass your course and decide later how much opportunity and choice you will have post graduation. You do not have to decide now what you will do.

Do remember that the pressure of exams creates stress which may be making you generally anxious and causing you to worry about the future. Try to eat healthily, sleep well, study hard and take some exercise which should support your wellbeing. Try to make some time to see friends and have some fun, you will find you can concentrate better on your studies if you take your mind off them for a while.  

Good Luck with your exams

Jeni Hooper