Expert: Jeni Hooper - 3/21/2011

Question
I recently took on a new job where I am using my skills in a clinical setting.  I teach Tai Chi and have been using many of the ancillary techniques and exercises as an alternative/integrative therapy.  Things have been going well.  However, I have one issue I am hoping you might be able to offer some suggestions on.  Many of the people I am working closely with are, understandably, highly negative.  Some of them have things such as Borderline Personality Disorder.  Consequently I find that I am extremely drained after a short time with one person.  I am trying to avoid burn out and I am wondering if there are any techniques, methods, thoughts, etc., that I can use to shield myself from this negative energy.  I’d like to stay at this for a while but if I can’t shield myself somehow I don’t see this as a path I can sustain for long, which would be a shame.  I look forward to any suggestions you might have.  Thank you and have a great day.  

Al

Answer
Hi Al,

You are doing something very worthwhile but not easy. Hope and optimism are what sustain wellbeing and people who need therapeutic support have often become stuck in a negative spiral where hope and optimism are lost. I assume that the clients you are working with are also having some direct therapeutic support to address the underlying causes so that you do not have to feel that responsibility weighing heavily on your shoulders.

In your role you need to build rapport with people but create a detachment which protects you from being drawn into this pessimistic mindset. You mention "shielding yourself from this negative energy" this is definitely the way forward. Each of us finds what works best but in essence you need to see the value in the person without connecting to their current preoccupations. You don't have to solve their problems or answer their criticisms, this approach has not worked well for them to date. Acknowledge what they say with a smile or a "you feel that...." response that shows you are listening but don't get sidetracked.

Consider how you can you feel hopeful and optimistic, both for them, and for what your work contributes as a stepping stone to this better life. You can give them tools, but you are not responsible for them finding a way to use them. Professional detachment is not cold and clinical, as some people would have us believe, but is a respectful acknowledgement that people can govern their own lives and find answers that work for them.

Mindfulness is a very positive way of keeping our busy minds connected to the now and focusing fully on what we are doing. Our minds have a life of their own and race back and forwards between the past and the future. In an attempt to ensure our survival, the mind is always looking for problems to solve. What may be draining about your current work is the thoughts and feeling you have in response to your clients. Can you still your mind from any unhelpful thoughts that come up while you are working? Tai chi is an excellent discipline for focused concentration and will help your clients to still their minds as they focus on the movements.  Your clients probably have real difficulty in stilling their negative and intrusive thoughts but do persist because you are giving them something valuable.

Keep in mind your goals for your clients and explore how you can use this to visualise a better future for them as you show them ways to increase their wellbeing. The results may not come now but you can see what you do as dropping golden seeds their way to grow in their own time.

All the best for your future.

Jeni Hooper
Psychologist and Coach
Happy2Learn