Balancing Career and Family/Factors considering for having a second child.
I would like to know the various factors to be considered for taking a decision for having a second child ?.
This are some of the particulars from my side.
1. Age : My Age is 42 years and My Wife's age is 39 years.
we are having a 1 year 8 months old son.
2. Finance : Middle class (i.e we are neither rich nor poor).
3. Income : I am self employed, my wife is a working class professional.
4. Family support : we are having our own house accommodation,
my parents are no more, while my wife's parents cannot come and stay in our house because of their livelihood of farming business
in their village.
Apart from these factors mentioned, what are the factors me and my wife should consider for opting a second child ?.
If my wife instead of a working professional would have been a Housewife, would it had made any difference in decision making ?
Thanks & Regards,
Prashant S Akerkar
Thank you for your question! Sorry that the answer did not come any faster, as I did not receive notification of a pending question.
First of all, I personally think that the decision to have a second child comes down to one question: If you were to make it to your last day of life, would you look back and regret not having another child? Would your wife?
Most experts will list a myriad of questions that you should consider before having a first, second, third, fourth, etc. child. However, when it comes down to it, people who have more than one child figure out how to make ends meet, one way or another.
Of course, I do support other "experts" who will tell you to examine your financial situation, your housing accommodations, your work situation (and daycare possibilities and expenses), and all of the other excellent questions that you have presented. These are smart questions, and if it makes you feel better to carefully examine these things, I would definitely research the ultimate costs of another child, and the sacrifices that you will need to make.
As a mother of seven children, I can say that there are definitely sacrifices that will be made every time you have another child. However, there are ways to reap the benefits of having more than one. For example, we receive a multi-child discount at their school, which gives us a substantial tuition break. We pay about the same for all 5 of the children in school that a family with only 2 children would pay. Many day cares also offer this benefit - you should look into it! I also do not have outside family help, and although it would be a nice extra, added benefit, I have survived 12 years as a mom without family to help us.
Another great thing you can do to save money on your second child is to pass down gently used clothes and shoes, if your children are the same gender. On the other hand, diapers, wipes and formula can really cost a small fortune the first year (although breastfeeding can truly save a lot of money - and is the best thing for your baby!).
Then, with an older second child, you are feeding two mouths, instead of one. However I can say that as a large family, we have learned to make larger meals that really don't cost much more than making meals for a family of three or four. Take the time to clip coupons, find some money-saving techniques, and enjoy the extra TAX BENEFITS that come along with a second child.
There will be adjustments to make, and probably sacrifices. The bottom line, as far as this mom of seven is concerned is: Is a second child what you and your wife really want in your hears? If it is, then I would say that you only live once, and the time to have a baby does not last forever...therefore, talk it over with your wife again, look in her eyes and LISTEN carefully to her. If a second child is truly in her heart, then she - and you - will find a way to make it work out.
When you look at your child, hear the "I love you's" that they so eagerly say to you, and lovingly give you the hugs and kisses so abundantly, do you think about how much they are costing you on a daily, weekly or monthly basis? Do you think about how much better life would be without them? Do you wish you had never had them? Then, you probably shouldn't have another...however, if you're considering a second, I highly doubt you answered "yes" to any of these questions. I'm sure you're a loving Dad, and your careful consideration to have a second child certainly shows that you want to make sure you give your child the best life you can.
One last thing I would like to tell you: I have not regretted any of my children, EVER. Yes, it has been a struggle with seven children, here and there, and the food bill is atrocious, but I love them all equally, and I wouldn't change a thing. Also, I know that when my husband and I are no longer alive, my children will never be alone. They will have each other, and that means a lot to me. You may want to weigh this factor higher than the financial aspects...you will be giving your child a lifelong brother or sister, and, in my opinion, it's worth any struggles that you face while raising them.
I'm sure, whatever you decide, as long as you find the answer within your heart, everything else will come together. I hope this helps!