Balancing Career and Family/I don't know what to do


Hi, my name is Becks I'm 18, I'm not sure if this the right place to ask my questions... This is the closest catagorey I could find. If you can't help it's okay. I'm just at a loss of what to do. I'll just briefly say a bit about about myself so it's easier to understand the problems.
I'm in my last year of Highschool, I want to be a published author, but only as a hobby. I want my career to be a paramedic and later become an RN. That was the plan, but there's a problem, I don't have a license. That puts me behind since you need at least a class 4. I don't have the grades to become an RN it's very competitive. I think it would be a waste of time to become an LPN and that's not what I want to be right now.
As cliche as this I fell in love with this guy. I know it happens to everyone and I've only had one boyfriend,
I didn't love him, anyway so I don't have exprience. But it's different. It's not all lovey, gushy like on movies. It's more we understand each other, I can trust him, he's almost always there when I need him (he's has a crazy life...), and he has problems but I don't see them as bad or his flaws as bad I just see it as that's his personality. He has qualities I never would've thought of that I actually really like.
The thing is though he's 8 years older and lives far away. He's Amercian and I'm Canadian...
I know it probably will mean nothing considering my generation but I'm mature, he tells me I act like at least a 21 year old. My friends and future roommates are 22 and 23.
I thought by the time I was around 26 I would have my career, married and maybe think about having a baby.
I started planning out how I'd get there, based on how I want to do this I'll have my career starting at 26, 8 years from now. Becuase I've realized I also want to be a volenteer fire fighter.
It sounds ridiculous but it's what I want.
Then there's him, he's almost ready to settle down. He's going to be switching careers so we're almost in the same place. But at the same time so far away.
He's transferring from being a full time fire fighting to policing, and taking nursing classes. I'm not trying to be like him. I wanted to be an RN later in life before I met him.
Becuase of him though I got interested in volenteer fire fighting I just haven't told him Becuase he doesn't like t anymore and he'll convince me not too.
We've known each other since the beginning of September, so not that long, and it's online.
I'm crazy about him, but I still practice being safe online even to him.
If I can afford it in visiting him in August.
I'm moving out in July after graduation-family problems.
So here's the dilemma, I want to have a future with him, but I also don't want to put my career on hold. I don't want him to wait for me if he can't wait. I don't want to lose him but I don't want to hurt him. He's one of the kindest people I know. He works three jobs to support his family. He may have to forever.
I can't talk to my parents, there's a pretty serious problem I have with them, hence why I'm moving out and why they don't about him or most of my future.
I know my mom won't like him, they can't judge the age gap Becuase of theirs. She won't like him Becuase he's going to be a cop and he's prior military. She's the voice of the house she makes all the decisions. Sorry thinking way ahead of myself.
I do that a lot.
I'm tired of always thinking about what other people think. I just want to be happy and live my life. But I feel like I'm at cross roads. I know
I'm really young but I feel much older. I never really got to be a kid, I've been an adult for a very long time. I know I have to make a decsion I just don't know how.
I don't know what to do. Any help or advice will be very appreciated.

Hello, Becks,

You are definitely at a very pivotal point in your life and have a lot of decisions to make at this crossroads you are facing. You sound so very much like myself, in so many different ways, at your age. The similarities are eerie. However, this is not about me. It's about you. And what was good for me might not end up being right for you.

First and foremost, you have to make decisions for YOU. Not your mom or your boyfriend or anyone else. Just you. You have your whole life ahead of you. Whenever most people are at a crossroad, they feel anxious and confused about pushing forward and making a decision. The best thing to do, like any other decision, is to MAKE IT. And go from there.

If that means going to Canada and seeing how things go, then do it. You mentioned future roommates, which leads me to believe you have plans of moving in with friends in the U.S. If that is your choice for the moment, then go with it. See where it takes you. Every decision starts with a first step. That step might be wrong and you will feel it eventually. Who knows what you will feel 6 months from now?

You are either going to be rewarded with a learning lesson about yourself or success when you buckle down and trade your indecision in for a choice that you make, so you really cannot lose. The only losing situation is NOT making a decision. Standing still and going nowhere.

If you are having trouble still, think about times when you made bad decisions and how you felt BEFORE you made them. Then, think about times when you made good decisions and how you felt BEFORE you made the decisions. Now, think about times when you missed out on opportunities and regretted waiting. Think about the feelings that you get when you weigh out each one of your decisions. You will get a feeling that is similar to the times when you've made past decisions - and those feelings are what you want to take into consideration. You know what feels right and what feels wrong.

Then, coming from my personal stance, I feel like you won't really live a life if you don't take any chances. I've traveled across country to follow my heart when I was 20 and am still married to him, 19 years later. We also have 9 kids. :)

I took a chance and started working for temp agencies (in accounting departments) when I was 20 and then worked my way up to a career in business management, consulting, and owning my own business, and that is just scraping the bucket on all the career changes I have made. I have written and published several books and work from home now so I can spend more time with the children.

I do not have a perfect life, but it is the one I chose, by making one decision at a time. Not all of them were good decisions - as a matter of fact, I know what it feels like to fall flat on my face and pick it all back up and do it again - plenty of times. But, that is life. And I have learned a lot.

I have few regrets, though.

I wish you luck in your future decisions and hope I helped you with some insight. Unfortunately, though, it is really YOU who needs to find your own way. The path that makes YOU happy. Focus on that and you should be fine. :)

Good luck!

Balancing Career and Family

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Bethany Cousins


As a mom of nine children, I can answer anything in the parenting niche, from dealing with difficult behaviors to encouraging healthy living and habits. Organizing a large family, how to create chore charts that work, saving money and managing finances for your family, you name it. My business management and human resources background can also help with personal finance and careers.


I have nine lovely children, a parenting website and have spent time working with other experts who help parents over the years. I an also an author, speaker, and previously a business manager.

Founder of Mommy Rantings

Mommy Rantings, Cruzine, Yahoo! Finance, Associated Content,,, Amazon

Business management/accounting and Internet Content consulting background, speaking, author

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