Expert: Dianne M. Buxton - 2/6/2011

Question
QUESTION: hi my daughter is 12 and has been doing intermediate foundation since she was nine but we had to change schools last june and the  teacher said she was to young for this class even thow she has already done this for two years so she spoke to the other school and they said she did not do that class which is a lie  so this teacher said she could start again my daughter is very sad as she wants to progress into the next class but she says no and has not allowed her to have her pointes she wants to progress but no one will help her as her teacher says she is to young and the girls of older age would not like a12 year old girl in there class help

ANSWER: Hi Sarah. I am not sure I can really help you with this but I will give you my feedback:

It seems like your daughter was ahead of her age group in the former ballet school. And that the former school does not want to admit it?

Now your daughter is in a school that puts students in age appropriate classes, which is a surprise for your daughter. Or nasty shock.

To flip to the positive here; your daughter is 12, and she has plenty of time to progress in her new school. The time during which she feels "held back" is a time during which she can perfect her ballet technique, and then be even more prepared than she would have been, to dance in pointe shoes.

This is not an uncommon scenario. If your daughter can somehow see that she actually has an advantage here, and is not being cheated in some way, perhaps she can just continue to enjoy her dancing and excel in it.

Sometimes the "grade" or the "level" has to be relegated to the background, and the urge to dance and the love of it has to come forward. I hope this doesn't sound abstract or purely philosophical - but your daughter has TIME on her side. If she were 17, then my answer would be different.

All the best, truly, Dianne.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: hi dianne
thanks for youre reply my daughter is still unhappy  and wants to do the intermediate i have found aprivate teacher who thinks my daughter is fine for this but she wants to learn the old syilabus giving her till december this year my daughter wants this so bad i feel i should support her will this be good for her long term as a dancer or a bad choice she tells me she will put as much time as needed but she has just started 1 hour a week as it is exspensive is this enough she also does her graded classes at the other school as this teacher will not allow her in the intermediate class if she found out i think we would have to leave can you help yet again

Answer
Hi Sarah. You and your daughter are certainly entitled to do exactly as you wish, and your business is no one else's.

If your daughter does the Intermediate exam later this year, she may bump into dancers from her regular studio at that time. Just mentioning it... if she does the exam and passes, yes, it may upset her studio teachers... does that matter or not?

I'm not sure what the "old" syllabus is in the UK, though in my experience, older is generally better. Wish it were not so...

I am not sure what your daughter's ambition is long term. To get up through the grades and teach? Or just dance for personal satisfaction?

It seems like you are a very supportive mum, and that is definitely a PLUS for her!

If you DID have to leave her dance studio - is there another one around? You just have to weigh the risks.

I applaud you for helping her this way. You may just have to let it play out. Sorry I cannot say anything more definite!

Cheers, Dianne.