Expert: Dr. Tim Gladu - 10/28/2008

Question
QUESTION: Dear Mr. Gladu,
  My husband was so on fire for God when I met him.  I am a charismatic and I found that- the passion- attractive.  His passion was entirely fueled by the Baptist social life- the fear of losing face in front of a Bible study group- the motivation of completing godly tasks and having the group look favorably upon you.  He was godly, and they did.
  I am a charasmatic.  I have nothing but motivation for a one-on-one relationship with God.  My whole relationship with God can be explained in one session of praise and worship with God, in which I sense His presence.  It has nothing to do with other people.
  We tried going to a charismatic church for a few years.  It was meaningless to him.  The people were loose, in comparison to him, their jobs worse, they were generally underachievers in comparison to him.
  Then we went to the Baptist church for about a year in a half.  In comparison to me, the women dressed nice, wore nice makeup and acted with social norms that I didn't feel I possessed.  It was a huge pressure to me to cork up my inner-energy and settle down for a let-loose experience with God, (what I assume church is for), and what felt more like to me a hold it all in experience.  I felt the same pressure to confirm my acceptability to God in front of all the people at the Baptist church, but I felt much less equipped than my husband due to my social skills.  You don't have to have social skills at charismatic church- or whether you do or not has nothing to do with why people are there or why we feel acceptable to God.
  Then we tried a Bible church, but now I've been sexually abused in a publicly known of neighborhood attack and am somewhat embarrassed to go to churches in the area.
  So, I've refused to go to any church with him anymore, and he doesn't go to church either.
 My question is- I believe that Baptistism and Charsimaticism are simply facets of expression for different personality types.  
  Once I married him he never wanted to pray with me or have in home Bible studies.  As a charismatic girl, that is something my family and I did regularly.  I thought his passion would burn on when we got married- but apparently, I did not hold the key to motivating him.
  He is a fantastic husband and father.  I really don't have any complaints.  My charismatic experience was daily devotion beginning in elementary school.  It was very serious about the fear of God- losing salvation- demon infiltration should you let sin control you- etc.... maybe too serious.  So I taking his lead for our children because I don't want them to have the same level of fear that I had.  But what I am saying is that Baptistism in my current family seems to be more a social thing- a being organized thing- and charismaticism seems to be more a loner thing-selfishly seeking for the feeling.....
  Anyway, that's not bad as long as serving God is what feels good.
   It's just hard for me because charsimatics are inwardly motivated by their own feelings towards God, and Baptists seem to be more needing programs to stay motivated- (which must explain the ungodly number of programs it takes to stay saved over at the baptist church- that was a joke- I understand how salvation works- trying to make you smile because I know you disagree with me because your baptist and even once in a baptist church they said speaking in tongues doesn't exist except I'd been doing it since I was 5- along with going on mission trips and preaching in Romania and believing in an HUGE POWER SOURCE meaning, the Lord.
  I don't believe in divorce so I am sitting here typing this when I am wasting your time because you don't have the answer only God does and the answer is for meto shut up

ANSWER: I think you have judged me before you have given me the chance to answer you. You seem like you have a close relationship with God and that is great. I also feel the same as you. I feel the close relationship to God is the most important thing we can have in life. I have been out of the Baptist church setting for over a year because I disagreed with my pastor. He believed that we should be lifting him up and he was in the process of building his kingdom and not God's Kingdom. I was not going to be a part of a man building his kingdom. I am going to a non- denominational church currently. You should not feel that you have to change your relationship with God just because you are a any certain kind of church. I would encourage you to continue to worship how you want to. If you need to praise God in your own way then don't worry about anyone else and they can have their own stuffy way of doing things but you should not sacrifice your feelings for anyone. God should be our most important relationship. The church as a group of people is important but is down the list in the great scheme of things. God, family then church. I was in full time ministry and I placed my church relationship in perspective. God was always my focus and when I saw that the pastor was placing more importance on himself in the church then God that was when I had to leave. Mike May of Westgate Baptist church in Trenton, Illinois. He has no place being a pastor he needs to go back and learn what is important in life and not place himself on a pedestal and hope the people of the church will worship him. I feel that serving God is most important and bringing the good news to the lost is the first priority we as Christians have in life. The plans and programs in most cases are a means to an end. We do these many different things to try to reach the lost. We help people with physical needs and help at many natural disasters so we are there when people are asking why this has happened. Jesus met the people where they were at He did not expect people to come to him. When the Jewish rulers asked Him why He would spend so much time with sinners. Jesus said that they were the ones who needed saved. We have to get the people in the door and to the service to hear the gospel. If we have a VBS and we are able to get the parents to come on the last night for parents night and they are saved and they are now going to heaven because they came to see their child then the VBS was well worth the time. I think that you understand all I am saying and continue to worship in spirit and don't worry about what people think, they are not your God and God loves to hear us worship.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Well, Dr. Gladu,
   Do you agree with me that different personality types predispose people to picking one or the other forms of worship- (baptist or charismatic)?


Answer
I do not believe that people are pre disposed to a certain type of worship by personality type. I am very casual and a good mix of the type A and type B and I enjoy both type of services. I do not even care what the worship type is as long as I can tell that the people leading the worship are leading it in spirit and truth. I can enjoy the conservative worship with the good time hymns. I also enjoy the full band with many singers and very lively. You can not really say what someone will worship like because when the spirit gets to even the most conservative person they may just let it all go and just praise the Lord. I hope this helps you and I pray that you will find the place that you can worship as you want to.