Expert: Cooper P. Abrams III - 4/28/2008

Question
Hi again.  I asked you a question a while back about eternal security, and you were very helpful.  Now I am back again.  

I am a Christian, and I believe in Bible separation, as it is taught in the Bible.  Only, I have some confusion about how it is actually supposed to be practiced.  I have 2 children who I am doing my best to raise in a godly way according to the Bible.  Although I home school both of the girls, they have made some friends with a couple of girls who are not Christians and who do not live in a Christian home.  I have had these girls to my home many times over the past month or so, and I am confused about whether or not I should continue doing this, as I am concerned about their influence on my girls.  Also, I am afraid that one of these girls might have actually stolen something from my home, which mysteriously went missing shortly after she was here, which I have since been unable to find.  I want to be a good Christian witness to these girls, and I do not want to hurt them or their family.  BUT I am very concerned about them having an ongoing relationship with my children as their influence is not a godly one.  I do not know how to live a life that is separate and yet one that is influential in spreading the Gospel.  If I just turn away from these girls, who will reach them for Christ? Yet, if I allow them to have a close relationship with my children, I am afraid that they will negatively influence my girls in worldly, rebellious, ungodly ways.  Also, I live in a neighborhood with lots of other children.  These kids live in non-christian homes, and my girls are very friendly.  I do not know where to draw the line or what to say to people, as I am reluctant to have my children going into these children's homes, as I do not know what they will be exposed to.  And I just do not know what to say to people.  Some of our neighbors are unmarried couples who are living together, and they have children. I feel I want to be a Christian witness and testify to them about Salvation, yet also, I am faced with the issue of my children having relationships with their children and what to do about it.  If there is some way that you could help me to deal with this, I would really appreciate it. I just don't want to hurt people or seem unloving or be an ineffectual witness for Christ, BUT I also don't want my family to be influenced for the worse!

In Christ,

Sarah Lyman

Answer
Hi Sarah,
  Thank you for writing again and I will try to answer your question.   Yours is a problem that many Christians face in this world we are living in.  The negative and sinful influences are ever before us and it is very hard, especially for parents to protect their children.

  Biblical separation teaches we should not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. That means be in a close relationship with the unsaved.   However, we live in the world and we need to maintain a good testimony before them.   We can show respect without condoning their sins.    Those who are obvious living in a sinful relationship we should avoid to maintain our testimony.  But that means we can be friendly to a point and keep the door open for us to witness to them.

  I would recommend you spend time regularly talking with your children about the problem and explaining to them in some detail how they can be mislead by unsaved companions.  You should explain why you are concerned for them and what the dangers are. They should be taught to be a testimony before other children for the Lord which will help direct them.  The pressures will be great, but if they are taught to pray for their neighborhood children and seek to set an example before them they will be less likely to be influenced by the other children.  Regularly encourage them to talk to you about what they encounter in playing with the other children.

  If the unsaved children are unrulely then I would not allow your children to play with them.  Always explain you actions to children.  Often parents do not explain and the children You might even asked them to your house.  If you serve refreshments you and your children can ask them to pray with you and give thanks.   Lots of things like this would set the tone of your children's relationships with them.

 I would make it a point to know the children who your children associate with and also ask your children about them.
  If you suspect a problem...it is your responsibility to break off the contact.   Your children's welfare are more important than the friendship of others.   However, you can practice separation respectfully so that it does not offend others and keeps open the chance of being a witness to them, if that is possible.

   If you do not know the homes and families...I would not allow them to go to others homes.  You might take them yourself and visit the home with them if they are invited. That way you can meet the parents and make a judgment about what kind of people they are.

   Every step must be one of prayerfully seeking the Lord's
direction and wisdom.   I admire you for being concerned and wanting the best for the children the Lord has given you.   I pray too that God will guide you and protect your family.   

   I hope this helps in some way or maybe points you in the right direction.   God bless you as you serve our Savior in your home and neighborhood.
Cooper Abrams
Romans 12:1-2