Expert: Dr Don Howe - 4/4/2008

Question
hello,
ill make it short, over the past 10 months ive felt a serious disconnect from the lord.  i think i became a christian 5 years ago. i felt an undeniable draw and asked him to come into my heart and forgive me of sins ( i'm pretty sure he did).  however 10 months ago i believe i heard the spirit tell me to change my major of studies at an inconvenient time.  I felt convicted that he was speaking to me on this but wasn't entirely sure.  Anyways as the summer went on i kept saying no until one day i told him i didnt trust him with that. at that point i felt almost a departing feeling.  it felt like his spirit left me.  Since that time, my desires to serve him, share, and pray are fleeting and they all seem hindered.  I ask to be saved often in fear that He has cast me off forever.  What do you think happend. am i beyond retreival.  have you ever heard of this before.  I feel like god has answered some prayer in this time and has brought a very godly woman into my life but things like strong conviction over sin and feeling his tuggings has left me. similarly the word remains silent to me and i feel like i turned my back on him and his will now i feel lost. what do i do??


Answer
Good Morning Paul. You ask “I am afraid I am an apostate.” Paul, to know this one first has to know what an apostate is and what the Word of God says about it then you can decide. The Greek word apostasia which means to fall away, forsake, turn away, turn the back on, rebellion, or final rebellion. The New Testament uses this term twice in Acts 21:21 which states “And they are informed of thee, that thou teachest all the Jews which are among the Gentiles to forsake Moses, saying that they ought not to circumcise [their] children, neither to walk after the customs. The “forsake” here is apostasia. The apostasia is also found in 2 Thess. 2:3 which states “Let no man deceive you by any means: for [that day shall not come], except there come a falling away (apostasia) first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition.”
    The Apostle Paul uses a form of apostate which is apostrephō meaning to “turn away” or “turn the back on” (this was mentioned above also)  in 1 Tim. 4:3-4 “For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away [their] ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.” Paul, do you no longer listen to sound doctrine, and follow your own lusts? Do you listen to teachers and teaching that your sinful flesh wants to hear (and not the truth from the Word of God), and listen to fables? I hope not. I want to show more of the characteristics of apostates and false preachers/teachers from the Word of God to help you answers some these questions, and reassure you, you are not an apostate.  
  Paul, the word use of apostasia that I mentioned in the verses above deal with people who thought they were born again, but they completely turned their back on the faith, following the doctrines of devils, never return to the faith, and were never truly saved from the beginning. They (real apostates) completely abandon the faith altogether, and “it would been better if they have never known.” The Apostle Peter shows this beautifully in 2 Peter 2:18-21 the principle of what I call the PRINICPLE OF SICK DOGS AND DIRTY HOGS. Paul, let us look what Peter says about this principle in 2 Peter 2:18-21, concerning apostates, and false preacher/teachers. He states in verse 18 “For when they speak great swelling [words] of vanity, they allure through the lusts of the flesh, [through much] wantonness, those that were clean escaped from them who live in error.” False preachers, teachers, prophets, and apostates speak messages that are swollen with big words but are empty of any spiritual content. These apostates, false teachers, false preachers and the devil  allure, through the lust of the flesh and lasciviousness, people who are just learning about the faith i.e new Christians. Peter uses the word allure carefully in the  same way he uses the word beguile or deleazo which means to catch with bait; the same way a fisherman catches fish with bait. The false preachers/teachers, apostates, and the devil himself will attempt to catch new Christians (those who are clean escaped) by the lust of the flesh. A good example, that is in the news today. is the cult lead by Warren Jeffs and he uses lust of the flesh very alluringly. Warren Jeffs of the FDLS continues to use polygamy (lust of the flesh)  in his religion. He arranges marriages of middle age men in their 40’s with young women in their teens and they have children. The young women have no chance to experience true love as the Bible wants us to experience as Almighty God has deemed it. Then there are the teenage boys of this cult who are left out in the cold, abused, and kicked out of the cult to roam the streets  and fend for themselves. These boys ate called THE LOST BOYS.
  Look a verse 19 “While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption: for of whom a man is overcome, of the same is he brought in bondage.” The apostates, false teacher, preachers profess (promise) freedom in the flesh which they are already slaves to sin and are held into bondage because of it.
  Verse 20 gets to the nitty gritty states “For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, they are again entangled therein, and overcome, the latter end is worse with them than the beginning.” The Nelson Study Bible tells us these apostates, false teachers, false preachers have “formerly turned from the pollutions of the world through a full and experiential knowledge of Christ. Now, however, they have fallen again into immorality, even becoming teachers of sinful lifestyles.” These people had escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of Jesus Christ, but they become entangled into the pollutions and lust of the flesh of world, and fallen into sexual immorality again, but the “latter end is worse with them than the beginning.” This means they become part of the world of defilement after they have known the way of righteousness through the knowledge of Jesus Christ, they are more corrupt than when they first started. David Guzik states “It is better for a person to have never known a thing about Jesus than to hear some truth, hold to it, and later reject it.” It is sad as the latter end will be an eternal separation from God.
  Verse 21 states “For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known [it], to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them.” It would be better for apostates, false teacher, false preachers, and false Christians to have not known the way of righteousness of God and then turn away from the holly commandments that was delivered to them.  Jesus said of Judas that “it would have been better for him not to have been born that to have  turned from  the  truth he  had  known  (Matt. 12:45).” David Koresh and the Branch Davidians is a good example of this verse. David Koresh was raised in the Seventh Adventist Church, but he turned away from their teachings and did his own religious idolatry. Look how many he killed because of it.
  Verse 22 really finishes up the PRINICIPLE OF SICK DOGS AND DIRTY HOGS. Listen to what God has to say “But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, The dog [is] turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire.” The dog (apostate, false preacher, false teacher, false Christians) turn back to his own vomit and the hog (apostate, false preacher, false teacher, false Christians) that was washed returns to the mire.
  Paul, Jesus refers to us as his sheep and when we are born again we have a sheep nature not a sick dog or dirty hog nature (apostate nature). The sick dog is cleaned out and feels better, but does not know Christ, and the dirty hog is cleaned up and looks better washed on the outside for looks, but no washed from the inside meaning regeneration. Both represents the “having known the way of righteousness” stated by Peter. The apostate/false teacher/false preacher/false Christian sick dog returns to his vomit, and the dirty hog (apostate/false teacher/false preacher/false Christian) returns to the mire represents the “turn from the holy commandments delivered unto them.” But they return to their spiritual filth because they are still an apostate dog and hog. Never saved and never born again.
  Paul, I did this short exegesis of these verses to show you what an apostate is, what the bible says about the apostate, and few of the characteristics of an apostate based on the Word of God, because you asked “I am afraid I am an apostate.” Paul you are not an apostate, or you would have never asked me the questions that you have asked to help you get a better understanding. An apostate would have cared less and never asked. But you are confused about some things.
Paul, there is not a Christian alive that has not one time in his life “turned his back” on God, which does not mean they have fallen away from the faith altogether, it does not mean that they have “turn from the holy commandments delivered unto them.”  It does not mean they have stopped loving God, they continue to believe that Jesus died for their sins, and it does not mean they are no longer forgiven of their sins by the blood of the Lamb. But it does mean we have momentarily turned our back on God due to being more concerned about something else in our life and have not kept our focus on Him. For example, this could occur due to being overwhelmed by a divorce, loss of a loved one, financial problems, problems with kids esp. teenagers, broken relationships, hurt by someone at church, problems with a spouse, loss of a job, foreclosure on a house, second guessing if they were ever saved or not, or following after our sinful desires and not keeping our eye on Him. During these momentary “turning our back” away from God and set upon ourselves, we will experience a spiritual dry spell.
During these dry spells, we are too busy focused on our own self and not on Him. We are too busy hearing our own moaning, crying, and pitiful sorrows, and not HEARING WHAT GOD HAS TO SAY. We are too busy holding our heads down in shame, and not holding our heads up to almighty God and proclaim the freedom we have from sin through the righteousness of Christ Jesus. We are too busy listening to our own talking smack and not preaching the fact that Jesus is Lord. We are too busy putting our importance on family and friends, whereas our importance is on God’s Love for us. We are too busy listening to false teachers and preachers on TV and not listening to the Holy Spirit and how He is to lead us. We are too busy being a DOUBTING CHRISTIAN, WE SHOULD BE A SHOUTING CHRISTIAN. We are too busy being a I DON’T KNOW CHRISTIAN, AND WE SHOULD BE I KNOW SO CHRISTIAN. We are too busy reading ungodly books, and when we should be READING THE ONLY BOOK.   We are too busy worshiping the triune god of self- me, myself, and I, and not the triune god of God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Paul remember during these dry spells, we turn our back on God, but he does not turn His back on us, because he loves us. And Paul God LOVES YOU.
So Paul all us at times “turn our back” on God and focus on ourselves momentarily, but not permanently. An apostate turns his back permanently on God and it truly would been better “for them not have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandments delivered unto them.” Again, you are confused.
Paul you stated “I think I became a Christian 5 years ago, I felt an undeniable draw and asked him to come into my heart and forgive me of my sins (I’m pretty sure he did).” This is a contradictory statement. First, you say “I think I became a Christian” and “I’m pretty sure he did (forgive my sins), which both statements show doubt or makes a question if it really happened or not. Secondly, you state “I felt an undeniable draw,” “I asked him to come,” and “forgive me.” “I felt,” “I asked,” and “forgive” are all absolute verbs showing absolute actions and not questions. You can not state something surely happened and then question in same breath whether it did happen or not, without being contradictory. Either you are a Christian, or you are not.  Either you are a born again believer or you are not.
Paul, it appears based on what you said “I felt an undeniable draw and asked him to come into my heart and forgive me of my sins” that you had a born again, saved by the blood of the Lamb, and defeated the old devil experience, but because of the other things you mentioned that came after this born again experience over the last 10 months has caused you some spiritual dissonance, you have hit a “dry spell” spiritually, has caused you to “turn your back” (as discussed above), and as a result caused you to question your entire salvation experience, which happened 5 years ago.
I want reassure of some things that happened to you 5 years ago when you became saved. First, we do not draw near to God just because we get a whelm or notion to do it. John 6:44 states “No man can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw him: and I will raise him up at the last day.” And Jesus stated in John 12:32 “And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all [men] unto me.” The word draw in both of these verses is helkō which means to drag or lead by an inward power. So Paul, God is the only one who lead you by the inward power of the Holy Spirit to Him, because He loves you, He wanted you to be saved,  and also that is why Jesus died and was resurrected so he will draw all men to him.
Five years ago, you were not only drawn to salvation by God, but you experienced a regeneration by the Holy Spirit. Titus 3:5 states “Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost.” Paul, this washing of regeneration is not referencing to baptism, but is a spiritual cleansing or washing of the you by the Word of God through your faith of accepting Jesus as you Savior. And occurred when you accepted Christ as Savior.
Paul, you were baptized at the point of salvation as shown in 1 Cor. 12:13 “For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether [we be] Jews or Gentiles, whether [we be] bond or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit.” Paul you were baptized into one body, meaning the church, by one Holy Spirit at the time of salvation.
Next at the time of salvation, you were anointed or indwelled and sealed by the Holy Spirit. 2 Cor. 1:21-22 states “Now he which stablisheth us with you in Christ, and hath anointed us, [is] God; Who hath also sealed us, and given the earnest of the Spirit in our hearts.” Paul you were anointed or indwelled with the Holy Spirit when you were established in Christ (point you asked Jesus to be you Savior) and you were sealed. Jesus tell us that John 10:28 that “And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any [man] pluck them out of my hand.” Paul you are safe in the hands of the Good Shepherd and no one will pluck you out of the hand of Jesus because you are sealed and your name is the Lamb’s Book of Life. You are sealed forever.
See Paul your salvation experience was a work of God and we never forget it when it happens. You say you know that God saved you 5 years ago. You do say you doubt your salvation (I became a
Christian 5 years ago), but sounds you lost the joy of your salvation experience and you are confused. David felt this to and was begging God to restore the joy of  his salvation. Psa. 51:12 states “Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me [with thy] free spirit.” David did not lose his salvation when he sinned, but he lost the joy. When there is sin in our lives we lose that joy, and this gives Satan a foothold to tell you “you’re not saved, you just thought you were.” That devil, Satan, is an accuser and he will put doubts in our minds if we do not keep our minds, heart, and eyes on the cross. Rev. 12:10 states “for the accuser (Satan) of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.” Satan will attempt to make us question our assurance of salvation.
2 Peter 1:10 tells us “Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall.” Peter is telling us to give all diligence to make our calling, which is klēsis meaning our salvation, and election, which is eklogē meaning God's elect as we are chosen by God, sure. Sure here is bebaios which means firm. We are to give diligence to make our calling (salvation) and election (we are chosen by God) firm. Paul, this calling and election assurance is not from God’s point of view that was settled once for all on the cross, but from our point of view. I know that I know that I am saved. When Peter states “for if ye do these things” he talking about the things mentioned in 2 Pet. 1:5-7 “And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.” According to Peter if we add these 7 qualities to our faith then we will never fall to the enemy. Also to be able to say I know that I sure that I am saved.  
Paul, the next problem is that you stated “10 months ago I believe I heard the spirit tell me to change my major of studies at an inconvenient time.  I felt convicted that he was speaking to me on this but wasn't entirely sure.” “Anyways as the summer went on I kept saying no until one day I told him I didn’t trust him with that. At that point I felt almost a departing feeling.  It felt like his spirit left me. Since that time, my desires to serve him, share, and pray are fleeting and they all seem hindered.” Paul, some of the problem you are having is that God is listening to your prayers, but YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO HIM.
Break this down first by what you stated, “10 months ago I believe I heard the spirit tell me to change my major of studies at an inconvenient time.  I felt convicted that he was speaking to me on this but wasn't entirely sure.” Paul, when we are seeking the face of God and wanting an answer from him, first you have to be sure of your salvation, be sure that Jesus died on the cross for you and you have a personal relationship with Jesus, and finally, there is no SIN in your life that is putting a barrier between you and God. If you truly are in God’s will doing these three things mentioned, you will not, purposely,  want to  lead a sinful lifestyle that will be a detriment to your relationship to him. If you are sure that you are sure in your election and calling (as Peter say in 2 Pet. 1:10), there will be no doubt at all in your mind. God is not a BIG DADDY SLOT MACHINE IN HEAVEN, AND WE CAN JUST PULL THE HANDLE AND WE GET WHAT WE WANT. God is Sovereign, Paul, and he is in control of all things, for all times, for all people, for all situations, and for all eternity. He does things HIS WAY NOT OURS. Paul, it sounds like you are expecting God to jump every time you ask him for something and if he does not get give it to you  then you have doubts (“I felt convicted that he was speaking to me on this but wasn't entirely sure”), but only you can truly answer this.
Continuing with the sovereignty of God,  Matt. 6:31-33 states “Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Paul, Jesus is saying here do not worry about the little things of life like food, clothes, etc,  because God the Father all ready knows what you need. But it is more profitable to seek first the Kingdom of God, his righteousness, and these things will be added up to you. PAUL, NOTICE GOD WILL PROVIDE FOR YOUR NEEDS BUT NOT YOUR GREED. If you have been listening to or believe in the word of faith theology in which you name it you claim, or you blab it you grab it philosophy, it is from the Hell itself and is false doctrine. Jesus in the Matthew verse say the Heavenly Father already knows what you need (He is not going to listen to what your greed list is) before you ask, but you must always first seek the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and the things He knows we need, will be added unto us. Notice God is in charge here and not man’s wishes, because God is sovereign. Some people do not like to hear that.
  Paul, I want to address the “10 months ago I believe I heard the spirit I believe I heard the spirit tell me to change my major of studies at an inconvenient time.” How do we know what we think God is telling us, is really from God? Let us look at 2 Peter 1:16-19 to find this answer and it states “For we have not followed cunningly devised fables, when we made known unto you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but were eyewitnesses of his majesty. For he received from God the Father honour and glory, when there came such a voice to him from the excellent glory, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. And this voice which came from heaven we heard, when we were with him in the holy mount. We have also a more sure word of prophecy.” Peter is telling us he was an eyewitness to the Transfiguration of Jesus and His majesty. He is an eyewitness to the voice from the excellent glory which said “this is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” Peter is sure of what he saw with his eyes, what he heard with his ears, what he felt in his heart, but Paul, you and I have something even more sure than this. We have a more sure word of prophesy. The word of prophesy is not foretelling of the future, but is  the revealed truth of Gods Word, the Bible. Paul, if you ever  have a dream from God, thank God for it. If you have a mountain high experience, bless God for it. But what you think you hear, think you see, what think you feel has three criteria, It must be confirmed in the Word of God, controlled by the Word of God, and conformed to the Word of God, which is the more sure word of prophesy. God is not going to be telling you, showing you, or revealing to you,  anything that is contrary to what is in His Word. God does not lie. And this also confirms what Jesus said in Matt. 6:31 “for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.” For example, I had a man tell me “I feel God is telling me to divorce my wife and marry this other woman.” I showed him in the Word of God what God says about divorce, and that it was his own evil desires of wanting to divorce his wife because he was groping  after and having sexual fantasies about this other woman (he should be having these feelings for his wife), but he was putting God’s name to it and said God told him to do this. I showed him, again, in God’s word that what he was saying God was telling him was not confirmed in God’s Word, controlled by God’s Word, nor was it conformed to God’s Word. Paul, I am showing you this because we need to test what we think God is telling against these three criteria, then we know it is from God. Satan will do anything to put doubt in our mind. What you say God revealed to you 10 months ago about changing your major, does it fit this criteria? Only you can answer that. If it was from God it certainly would not have been inconvenient according to God’s schedule, because he is always on time when dealing with his children.
  In conclusion, Paul you are not an apostate or you would not be asking me these questions nor would you be concerned about them. You are not beyond “retrieval” because God says his children  can not be snatched out his hand, and I showed that if you are truly saved your are sealed forever in the Lamb’s Book of Life. Besides the sealing, I also reviewed with you some of the other manifestations of the Holy Spirit as soon as we ask Jesus to be our Savior and become saved. And I did this to reassure you  your salvation was by God’s providence, and truly a God Thing, and a Godly event in your life. I showed you that sometimes people will say God told them this or that, but it really is their own evil desires they are professing, but only saying God revealed it them. Remember God provides for our needs and not our greed. I showed also the three criteria that you can use to test that what you feel God is revealing to you, is really from God.
  Paul, God is not going to cast you off. The departed feeling, feelings of not trusting in God, fear of having lost your salvation, lost desire to serve him, feeling God is not revealing himself according to the way you want him to, and the frustration of what you think he has revealed, is not fitting into your agenda and you are confused. Paul, your problem is common to all men. So you are not by yourself.
  You asked what am I suppose to do? First you are going to have to get your salvation question straight first. I suggest you to pray earnestly  for the forgiveness of the Heavenly Father, ask Jesus into your heart again, and rededicate your life to HIM. You need to pray that God will send Godly men in your life to come along side of you and support you in your rededication. If you do not have a church home, you need find a bible believing, expository preaching/teaching church, and when you do that speak to the Pastor about some of these things. Once you have a church home, you need to be in service to Almighty God in your church. Continue to pray daily, bring your supplications (your requests to him), read Gods Word daily, and seek the Holy Spirit to lead you.
  Paul, things are going to be all right. God loves you so very much.
  My prayers are with you, MY BROTHER.

Blessing to you as you seek after God.

Dr. Don Howe, RN, PhD, ThD.